I can't do it anymore.. what are my options?

[Amijustagrump]

This is very self pitying and I will not be offended to be told to get over myself!

But I'm 29 weeks pregnant and have found it horrific, I lost 2 and a half stone in 8 weeks through morning sickness where I couldn't keep anything down. Had a placental detachment had 15 weeks which involved a lot of blood, bed rest and a&e. And now I'm struggling with exhaustion and the start of anaemia.

I dont want to be at work anymore. I was signed off last week, it ends today, and my doctor was reluctant to sign me off as he said "thats pregnancy" and have until the 18th of December left at work (I'm a teacher so will technically start maternity leave 2nd jan).

I feel like I can't cope going back in tomorrow but I don't know what else I can do, I feel awful not being in as although my classes are amazing cover work isn't the same, but I'm scared the doctor will just say no to me having any more time off- and therefore if I don't go in tomorrow I'm screwed! And apparently I need 28 days notice to move my maternity date making it pointless.

Any advice on what to do? I don’t really know what I'm asking for but I feel a lot of stress and panic about tomorrow morning and some positive vibes might help

The doctor shouldn't say no! You need to ask and feel no guilt it sounds exhausting

Ask for a female doctor

Ask to see someone else. That sounds awful

Definitely speak to a different doctor at your surgery. Also I’m the world’s worst for minimising my discomfort, so make sure you don’t hold back. Let them know exactly what’s happening, how it’s impacting you and your concerns about returning to work.

Follow up on the anaemia issue and what they can suggest to help build you back up. Sounds as though you’ve been through an awful lot and your body is run down (not surprising!).

The dismissive “that’s pregnancy“ comment really annoyed me. How many times has he been pregnant?! I’m pretty sure that what you’ve been through isn’t a textbook pregnancy so his comment is ridiculous.

P.S my job mentions 28 days notice of moving the date in the policy but they were very flexible and understood that it’s not always possible (Colleague had to do this and they were very understanding). If all else fails might be worth feeling them out on the notice.

Good luck OP and I hope you feel better soon

What an insensitive comments from the doctor! Really angers me when healthcare professionals minimise women's issues, we're just expected to put up with any old shit. If men got pregnant I'm sure we would by now have maternity leave starting from the moment you test positive.

As for your mat leave, it will get triggered to start immediately if you are off sick in the 4 weeks before the start date. So if you really can't cope, you can stay on sick leave until 5th December when your maternity leave will automatically start.

Have you spoken to HR about your maternity leave, I was meant to give 28 days notice to move it but like you was really struggling so I spoke to HR and was able to go on maternity leave a week earlier with only a few Sara notice so it's worth asking x

I agree with the above that talking to work about starting maternity leave early has to be worth a try. They'll have certainty and you'll have all that stress off your shoulders. You won't have as long after the birth, of course, but you do seem to need it right now and surely it's what maternity leave is for, to allow you to look after yourself properly and take care of your and your baby's health. No one knows they're going to need to start maternity leave early so expecting 28 days notice is ridiculous imo. Every pregnancy is different.

If you are struggling speak to her about moving your leave, they are likely to prefer this to you being signed off sick anyway. Your gp seems insensitive but I suppose what he's saying is you don't meet the criteria for being signed off sick

Thank you all so after having a full on cry (thank you pregnancy hormones!) And talking to DH I have decided I will be going in tomorrow and speak to HR about moving my maternity. I feel that although my GPs comment was harsh he is right in a way as I'm not technically "sick" and being on sick leave is making my job much harder as I'm having to set cover which someone else is having to take and I am on constant standby. Whereas if I move my maternity at least someone else will take over the whole chunk and I forget about it, rather than panicking constantly when I hear my emails go and have very disjointed lessons for the kids! Thank you all for letting me rant and being lovely

@Amijustagrump worth double checking with HR that you shouldn't have started to WFH at 28 weeks due to COVID (it seems to vary from school to school/LA to LA but I was unexpectedly out in WFH at 28 weeks)

I had pre eclampsia with my first child so told work I didnt want extra stress in the last month and could they handover in plenty of time. They didnt and I worked a 20 hour day at 8 months pregnant.i went down to my gp and said I can not carry on like this and never went back. No full handover, no goodbyes etc but one healthy baby.

No job is worth 1) getting ill over 2) getting a complication like pe. I knew I would either have to go early or end up in hospital