Anxiety/Work and Becoming a mum ???

[harrow92]

Hello!

This thread may sound a little all over the place - but I'm seeking anyone who has felt a similar way or who has in-fact been in this very situation who may be able to offer some advice or feedback.

So a little background info - I suffer badly with anxiety, it's almost debilitating. It causes me sleepless nights, nightmare like dreams, coming over very hot and feeling sick, faint and just a over bearing sense of 'fear' in any normal day to day setting. If I'm home or off work with my husband, I'm quiet content. But anything that throws me out of my comfort zone, cripples me.
I got married two months ago - and the plan always was to start a family after. However, our circumstances changed quiet quickly after the wedding (5days) when I lost my full time job of 11 years. I've recently started a new job - within a school. Been there for a week now.

However, all I can keep thinking is about having a baby. We said we'd wait - A little longer, because I have just started a new job and we didn't want to be 'those people'. However, I'd absolutely much rather be a mother, than a career.
My friend stepped in and told me to stop being silly - I owe nothing to my newest workplace and they wouldn't treat me differently for falling pregnant in my first year - and I suppose she's got a point. I can't live my life around a job which I'm in no doubt that I'm easily replaceable in.

Has anyone on here who's suffered badly with anxiety and had a baby found yourself at peace a little? I understand baby's are hard work, I've been around friends and relatives little ones a lot.

Has anyone become a stay at home mum?

I'm really lost as to what to do. My work life makes me miserable, not because of the job or people ... because of my own mental illnesses that instantly make me feel crippled with awful feelings as soon as I'm out of my 'safe space'. I force myself through it all, which is exhausting and in actual fact makes me feel worse.. I build myself up to friday finding some relief that it's the weekend and then find myself stressing mentally all weekend about entering another new week.
All I can think to myself if, I want a baby, I want to be a stay at home mum. I want my little one.. I feel like it's been a missing piece of myself for a long time. And we've maybe put it off because of 'money worries' or how will we cope etc. But, I see everyone around me figuring that out so, surely we will too....

I keep saying to myself, let's take the waiting to fry off the cards and get pregnant. Then I've just got 9 months to get through and I can have what I dream off. Am I being ridiculous? I probably am - but I guess that's where my anxiety has pushed me. I am just longing for a comforting environment instead of pushing through this hell on a daily / weekly basis.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side - what does your husband think? Can you afford it?

Also your anxiety - having a baby isn't going to get rid of it, in actual fact it might make it worse. I would tackle your anxiety first before I had a baby but obviously I'm not in your shoes

Having children made my anxiety much worse.

Hi OP I understand how you feel - I'm a super anxious person too. I used to be a city lawyer and was taking beta blockers anti depressants etc to try to control my anxiety. I quit my job once I got married and got a less extreme job. The thing is if you're an anxious person, you will just find something else to be anxious about. it just transfers. If you are a SAHP will you transfer your anxiety to worrying about money? I also think you don't know if you really want to be a SAHP until the baby is actually there. I'd recommend trying to deal with the anxiety before taking any big decisions. Good luck

Thank you for reply's-

A little more info. I've never allowed my anxiety to stop me - I've always worked, full time despite feeling the way I do. I had managed it well in my previous job. I was in a management position and felt comfortable doing so. The job I'm in now I'm in a lower rank - but, I feel there is almost more pressure as it's within a school environment. I didn't think of me when I applied for the job etc - I was thinking of us. And i new I had to get back out and working, so applied for everything and anything until something stuck. It's a good job - I should be super proud of myself and it has great perks.

But, my anxiety just over rides all the positives and all I think is. I want to be at home.
I'm at ease when I'm in my own environment and surrounded by my family.
I've always wanted a baby or two. And have felt I've pushed it aside for years considering x, y and Z.
But I'm not to the point where I'm sick of sailing along doing what I think I should be doing instead of what I actually want to be doing.
The chances are I'd be a SAHM during the day and try and find something part time of an evening to make sure it worked well.
I personally don't think my anxiety will ever be a thing of the past, I'm a naturally anxious person but mostly, I've pushed through it. But I'm at the point where I'm sick of doing so now - I want to live a life I'm content with. Not one for everyone else.

Money wise it would certainly be more tight. But, the money we are making now isn't exactly making me happy - because I'm not enjoying the time I have to utilise it. It all feels meaningless because I am so worked up everyday.

As a therapist I’d suggest you work on your anxiety first as pregnancy can hugely heighten your anxiety and can potentially make you vulnerable to it worsening.

Also, in terms of your work why don’t you wait until you’d qualify for enhanced mat leave pay so that you’ve got a bit of a back up whilst you’re on leave to plan and think of your next steps? IMO having a baby isn’t going to solve anything, as like others have suggested, it comes with its own stresses and triggers.