13 weeks pregnant and cheated on

[Pigwin]

Hi!
I’m pregnant with my first child and me and the father had been together since April.
He kicked me out on Tuesday telling me he needed time to think about whether he could be with me or not because I’m not ‘tidy’.
(Please note my mum is in the end stages of cancer so I’ve been at the hospice everyday and my morning sickness has been awful).
He has kept me hanging all week telling me that he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me or not but we’re not broken up.

I go and see him today and we talk things through, he still hasn’t decided but we’re getting on well. He then messaged me later on to tell me he’s ‘fallen in love’ and been sleeping with someone at his work. He’s been in love with her for a week and a half. Her HUSBAND of 13 years also works there.
They’ve already discussed MY child and said she will be a step mum to them (wtf).

I’ve blocked all of them. I’m back at my dads. I have the majority of my stuff and I have his parents and brothers full support as I want to keep them updated with baby - however I do not want to speak to him. I have told him that I will let him know when baby is born.

I have reason to believe that whilst we were together he was using tactics to isolate me and control me, especially this past week.
He has two kids already with a different woman and in the 6 years they’ve been broken up he’s introduced them to 6 different girlfriends.

I don’t know what to do - I’m definitely not going back. Is there anything that I can do to stop my baby being involved in the revolving door of women? I don’t want my child being affected or hurt by his failure to be in a relationship and feel his patterns could be emotionally damaging for the baby.
I’m happy for him to have access, but just on his own.
Any advice?

You can't usually stop a father who wants contact and is prepared to use the legal system to get this.

Are you sure that you want to sign up for 18 years of this?

If you have this baby you can make him do all of running for contact but if he is prepared to do that then you don't have a lot of options.

You can make him apply to the courts for contact.

You can't control who he introduces his dc to unless they are a significant risk to them.

He has two kids already with a different woman and in the 6 years they’ve been broken up he’s introduced them to 6 different girlfriends.

You can expect exactly the same for you child.

Things to do. Don't put him on the birth certificate, use your own surname. Get a passport ASAP for the baby and don't give it to him or let him know. Claim child maintenance immediately the child is born.

After all that, think about some counselling. You chose to be in a relationship with this man, who is clearly an arsehole. I don't know if you chose to get pregnant. Either way you decided he was worth a punt. But he wasn't.

@verymiddleaged

You can't control who he introduces his dc to unless they are a significant risk to them.

Is it not classed as a risk to be introducing every woman he meets to the child? I would have thought this would affect the child emotionally

Bluntly no.
It won't meet a threshold for concern.

@MrsTerryPratchett

He has two kids already with a different woman and in the 6 years they’ve been broken up he’s introduced them to 6 different girlfriends.

You can expect exactly the same for you child.

Things to do. Don't put him on the birth certificate, use your own surname. Get a passport ASAP for the baby and don't give it to him or let him know. Claim child maintenance immediately the child is born.

After all that, think about some counselling. You chose to be in a relationship with this man, who is clearly an arsehole. I don't know if you chose to get pregnant. Either way you decided he was worth a punt. But he wasn't.

Sorry for the double post, I’m not sure how to quote two things at once.

Is there a way to get a Claus to say the child can only be introduced after 6 months?

Yep, baby will have my surname and he will not be on the birth certificate. Can I be forced to add his name on?

Yes, counselling sounds like a good idea to be honest. Once I have my doctors sorted again to be back at home I will get on it right away. I fell for his tricks and ignored every red flag going and that’s on me, but I owe it to my baby to give them the best upbringing with the least pain in as possible.

Yep, baby will have my surname and he will not be on the birth certificate. Can I be forced to add his name on?

Well he can go for parental responsibility. And the baby has the right to see him. And no, on his time you can't specify who he sees or what he does. Which is good because he'd be able to do the same if that was the case.

If I was in that situation I wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone leaving the house with my baby. So I’d say maybe for the first year he can visit the baby without taking them. But once the baby gets older and can stay with dad then you can’t control who he introduces them to unfortunately