Will I love my baby once they’re here?

[nervousmummy2bexx]

I do feel like I love my baby. I feel weird as I can’t see them or know them. Right now it’s just like having a little alien inside me!

But as much as I get excited, I’ve lately been spending a lot of time nervous and finding the countdown to meeting baby quite daunting?

I just keep worrying about how hard life will be, if me and my partner will cope/will baby come between us, how different everything will be.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m now in my 3rd trimester so it’s the last stretch or the fact I suffered physically until about 20/21 weeks so for the first half of my pregnancy I was just trying to focus on getting through the day physically!

Please tell me this is normal? I don’t know why I’m scared I’ll resent my baby and worried that I’m going to be the worst mum ever :(

Very normal. Completely average OP.
I was never one of those mums who loved the baby before they were born, didn’t love them when they were first born saying that. I’d protect them, feed, change them etc, but love took a while, good few weeks with DS but a bit quicker with DD.

Give yourself a break, life will change, you will adapt, you and your family will bloom.

Totally normal.
Whilst I loved my baby when pregnant I didn't feel in love, and when he was born I didn't have that rush of love everyone tells you about.
I cared for him and tended to his every need, I would die if anything happened to him but the love grew in time.
I think whilst it's an amazing and life changing thing, people, films etc make out that your so besotted from the get go and in reality that's not always for case.

Coping with the physical demands of pregnancy can be extremely hard-going so don’t underestimate the effect of that on your mood and thoughts.

You are worried you might resent your baby or you might not cope; all that means is that you want the best for them because you want that baby to be loved and cared for. That is good. That is love.

I struggled to bond with one of my babies and the worst bit about that was the guilt; I wanted so much to feel what I thought I should feel. It did come - in spades -, it just took a while; I think PND played a role. With the other two I didn’t feel that immediate love or recognition some mothers describe but I felt intense love for them very quickly. I also remember feeling quite clearly that I had ruined their lives and mine by having them - ‘baby blues’ I think, this was a few days postpartum.

The point, I think, is you’re likely going to feel a whole load of things. Parenting is difficult, childbirth can be traumatising, hormones can cause havoc. But most likely you will love that baby and do your very best by them. Either way there is no sense in worrying about it now. Now is the time to look after yourself in mind and body, and if you do struggle with your feelings after baby is born, or feel like you’re not coping, I guarantee more women will have felt like you than you can imagine so just remember to reach out and share and ask for help.

Totally normal. It's a big deal!

Some people feel a rush of love when the baby is born. For some, it takes longer. For me, it was weird: at first, looking at my newborn was like looking at a piece of my own body. Over time, the love has just grown constantly and become much deeper and more complex.

Things will be different but you will cope. You'll be amazed by how strong you are, in fact.

Totally normal feelings OP. Your life is about to change forever, it IS daunting! You're relationship with your OH will change (at least in the short term as you both find your feet as parents) but you will get there.

I didn't talk to my bump or connect with my unborn baby but when he arrived, and he was an actual person, that all changed. Looking after a baby is hard work, there's no denying that, but it's also hugely rewarding.

I'm now due my second and those feelings of 'how am I going to cope' are creeping back in again but I know I will. It'll be another adjustment but we'll adapt.

Easier said than done but try not to overthink it, take it as it comes. You'll find your way x

Completely normal OP. I had this feeling throughout my whole pregnancy.
That fact you are worrying you will be a bad mum just shows how amazing you will be.
It took me a couple days to fall in love with my DS, I did already love him but it was a different type of love when he was actually born. I was fiercely protective of him from the minute he was born but it took a couple days to bond. As he has grown that bond/love has just got deeper.
Try not to worry, what you are feeling is normal and you won’t resent your baby. It wouldn’t surprise me if your partner feels similar.

God, so normal. I remember deciding the baby would call me by my name do I didn't lose my identity

I was struck by the thunderbolt as soon as I laid eyes on him. As the wheeled me to my bay I thought the world would stop in its tracks to see I had just given birth to the most beautiful baby ever born. I spent the first night crying and thanking God (not religious) for choosing me

But I also know that if the thunderbolt doesn't strike immediately, it's still there, and it will strike. Have no expectations but know you are in for one hell of a ride!

Haha shall I add to the bandwagon and say it as well 😊 totally normal OP
And even after they're born for a few weeks or even months they can still feel like a stranger. I struggled to enjoy my son for the first 3 months, particularly the first 6/7 weeks until he smiled. I was so worried I was weird and had issues but it's just that way for some people, doesn't make you less of a good mum 😊

Another one echoing what others have said. I remember when I was heavily pregnant, all baby equipment purchased, nursery ready etc that I still couldn't connect that there was actually a baby arriving. We were watching her kick one night and I remember saying to my husband I know there is a baby there but it still didn't feel real and I didn't feel massively connected to her. When she was born there was just this strange acceptance that she was here, no rush of love and she definitely felt like a little stranger in our lives. It took about two weeks for things to get easier and for that bond to develop. Like others have said I knew I had to look after her but I was very much in survival mode and going through the motions of figuring out what the hell we were doing and wondering what we'd done to our lives (despite her being very much planned and wanted). She's 4months now and absolutely the best thing ever. I remember being told you have to get to know your baby and it's so true! You'll be fine 💐

Totally normal. It’s also totally normal not to feel that rush of love the second you meet your baby, it can take time especially if there’s some pnd chucked in to the mix!

I burst into tears as soon as I heard my DS’s first cry, prayed harder than I’ve ever prayed in my life when I heard DD’s first whimper (she was fine, didn’t know it at the time) yet still didn’t feel like their Mum until they were 12 weeks old, and despite knowing that I loved them both I didn’t feel it until I started ads when they were 8 months old.

You’re not going to be the worst mum ever. You’re already worrying about doing right by your baby and they’re not even born yet, you’ll do great. It’s a crazy ride this parenting lark!

Totally normal OP.
I remember when I started maternity leave and I spent two weeks on the settee awaiting DS’s arrival and I felt much more anxiety than I did excitement. I felt like I loved my bump but couldn’t comprehend there was a baby in there, he was just like a theoretical entity to me. I was nervous and sometimes worried about what I’d let myself in for.
I instantly loved and adored him when he arrived. It’s also completely normal if you don’t, but over time you will completely fall in love with your child.
Very normal to feel the way you’re feeling.

Yes. Pregnancy is a strange insecure time as well as the good bits.
It'll be more natural holding your bundle of joy.

I cried on a weekly basis in my 3rd trimester worrying about this, to the point where I actually wished I'd never got pregnant. It's so so normal. Having a baby is 100% hard and daunting and I never felt the rush of love people talk about, but I can tell you now I love my 16 month old more than anything in the world

I tired to have a baby for 12 years.

Finally when I was pregnant I can’t believe how little I actually thought about having an actual, separate human being.

As a result with a long labour (72 hours) I was exhausted and all I could think about for quite a few hours was the fact that I’d got through it, the fact that she was a she (I’d wanted a daughter) and she was okay and alive.

All the rest was a blur. Her first nappies, having cuddles, feeding, the lot - emotively a complete blank. But I remember the next day and a feeling that if anyone even breathed on her I’d probably kill them. An instinctive feeling. It was very gradual.

DS 2 years later was a bit more defined but even so still took 24 hours!

Be kind to yourself here OP - it’s not all fluffy stuff when it comes to being a Mum. It’ll all click into place in one way or another and no two people are the same.

I remember not feeling a thing for my first baby during pregnancy
I didn’t get the whole ‘rush of love’either once she was here
I did everything for her,would have laid my life down for her-but not love as I know it
She would have been about 3 months old when I reached over her,laid in her basket and it hit me
Love,fear,the ‘oh Jesus Christ alive-I’m responsible for you for the next 18 years’ feeling and knowing I’d do anything to make her happy
She’s 24 now and I love the bones off her

So normal!

I felt like an alien was growing inside me during pregnancy. When baby was here I didn't get the "rush of love" people talk about. I felt a sense of duty, sure, but not overwhelming love.

I had no issues breastfeeding, I cared for my baby, kept her warm, dry, and happy, but I didn't actually LOVE her till about 8 weeks+ and I say this as someone who was desperate for DC.

This is a lovely thread. The humanity and normality of motherhood. The variance in what we experience. I hope OP reads and is reassured.

They both felt like complete strangers to me for a few weeks. I loved them after, but it’s better a while later when you know their personalities and actually like them as people.

I still couldn't connect that there was actually a baby arriving.

Absolutely this. And it hits you in stages. I remember feeling DSs breath on my arm and thinking, "oh my God, it's actually breathing!!..."

I'm not the OP, but as someone who is about two weeks out from giving birth and has been very worried about this exact thing, this thread is super reassuring. Thank you all for sharing!

I woke up today and read all of these responses and it’s really helped I can’t thank you enough.

I think it’s hard especially as it’s my first baby so I don’t know what’s normal. And everrrrryone says “aren’t you just so excited?” Not really I’m terrified more!

It helps so much knowing it’s normal and if I don’t feel that big rush of love instantly that is normal too. Thank you all for sharing your views and stories

It helps so much knowing it’s normal and if I don’t feel that big rush of love instantly that is normal too.
Totally normal. I felt like such an idiot terrified of a newborn without the rainbow rush of love people talked about, I was exhausted.
It came though when the shock wore off. ❤

Just quickly jumping back on to agree with @EmeraldShamrock about the shock wearing off. I just sat and stared at my baby in the cot in a complete daze for the first 24hrs. When I look back now I was in shock after giving birth and needed time to adjust and process it all and come round to the idea that she was finally here. Be kind to yourself postpartum - it's definitely not always all a bed of roses!

I honestly imagined punching people who asked if I was excited. There were so many emotions, but excitement was not one of them. Terrified, full of self doubt, fear that my life and relationship with DP would change, regret, sense of loss of myself, convinced I would not love my child and would be a bad mother.

Mine are 12 and 10 now. They are the best thing I ever did. They are my world, my joy, my entertainment, my pride, my boys.

One was a thunderbolt of love from the moment I saw him, one was months in before I felt that absolute love. So I know both responses are totally normal and don't affect how much you love them for a lifetime.

I know now that questioning yourself is part of motherhood. It's part of what makes you a good mum. And I have no doubt you will be amazing. Even when you get everything wrong (as I have so many times) they don't love you any less. You are still the center of their world. I once hinted to mine that I was not the best mum, and I didn't always get it right. They were incredulous. They would not have a word of it!

If I could go back and re-live my life from any moment, it would be from my first pregnancy. If I knew then what I know now, I would be the most excited person on the planet!