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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant depressed lonely - perinatal mental health?

1 reply

berriesandcream1 · 10/11/2021 14:49

Hi everyone

So I'm 8 weeks pregnant, had an early scan last week and everything is fine so far. I had a TFMR at 13 weeks in June of this year followed by a chemical pregnancy so although I'm excited I'm very worried about this pregnancy and can't relax at all.

My partner isn't supportive at all. The day after I had the TMFR he left to stay at his mums because he couldn't handle me being upset. I later found out that he had gone back to his exes for a few days. I also found out that he had been sleeping with her the whole time I had been pregnant the first time. What hurt the most was finding out that the week after we had the scan which showed baby was very sick, he had told me he was working late every night, but had in fact been going to hers. He got her pregnant that same week. (She aborted)

If I had found any of this out at any other time I would have left him without a second thought, but I was in such a low place that I didn't want to be alone, and I also desperately wanted to be pregnant again, having wanted the baby so very much.

He stopped seeing her and things were going well between us, until I found out I was pregnant again this time. He says he is excited yet he knows how scared I am and refused to come to my booking appointment, my first scan, or even acknowledge the baby this time round. I know that I shouldn't expect anything of him given what he did to me before but it's really affecting me.

I haven't told anybody about this pregnancy yet because I'm scared something will go wrong again, so it's the loneliest time ever.

When I came back from my scan last week they had given me a video showing the heartbeat and I showed him and he just wasn't interested at all.

Because of what happened last time I've been referred to the perinatal mental health team. I'm yet to have an appointment but had a phone consultation and they're really concerned about me.

I've suffered with depression on and off for years but never taken medication. Obviously it's something I don't want to start whilst pregnant but I'm struggling so much. Has anybody else ever started taking medication while pregnant? I also know that deep down I'm not depressed, I'm just sad at the whole situation, and how I've ended up in this awful relationship. I want to leave but do I do it while pregnant? I'll then be totally alone. Although he makes me feel alone anyway.

Sorry for the long message, x

OP posts:
SlothMamaToBe · 10/11/2021 18:42

So sorry you have gone through all this OP. I’m sure you already know this but your DP sounds like a total waste of space (that’s putting it politely) and once you are rid of him I wouldn’t be surprised if you are feeling way better. If he isn’t interested now much is going to change when baby here. Cut your losses now and build a new life for you and your baby. You will both be better off without him. You both deserve way better. Do you have any friends you can talk to? If not, ask your midwife to refer you to a family support worker who will be able help with housing , antenatal classes and building a social network. Congrats on your pregnancy🌸.

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