Stuck

[Momo3700]

I’m a mother to a 4 year old boy. My partner has long ago had a heart operation. He’s still in recovery.

Iv just discovered I’m pregnant.

I don’t know how to deal with this. My partner I presume will go into panic mode as he’s struggling to cuddle our son. So I know what he will instantly think when I announce this whammy. His first thought is going to be his worries of being to old, not in healthy shape.

Although I love the idea of our son having a sibling. My know I would be the one doing everything.
My partner isn’t fully out of recovery and I’m doing everything anyway.

Would I be selfish in plonking this huge thing on my partner? He’s worried he won’t be around for much longer because of this heart issue.

I don’t know what to do. Feel stupid co and divided.

I have weighed it up. The positive and negative reasons of the outcome.

My heart tells me to suck it up and flow. With the ride of what life has just thrown at me and continue being the main one in our home that does everything. I just don’t want to throw my partner off guard with this and he goes into panic. It’s me that does all the parenting anyway. So there not going to be any heavy load for him.

I don’t know

Going to the docs today so I’ll let out my thoughts with them

I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this OP! That’s a lot to take on mentally
You’re not selfish. At all. Takes two to tango.
The question is, do you want the baby? Not just as a sibling for your child but do YOU want another baby? If so, your DH is just going to have to accept it and I’m sure he’ll warm to the idea over time

Yes I do want it.

When I announced I was pregnant with our son. My partner did not take it to well at the time but did come round in the end.
I got pregnant last year again and again he didn’t take it well. It turned out to be a blighted ovum.
Now we are here again but this time my partner has a good reason to moan at me. His health.
But as I see it. Iv done all the parenting so far with our son. He just gets to do the easy bits.
So I’m thinking if I go ahead with this then it’s either make or break. I think Iv made my decision already but I worry his reaction.
Partner is struggling not being able to pick up our son and is struggling to cope with me doing his work that he usually does. It doesn’t bother me that I do everything.

I suppose I’m worried he won’t except it. How he will react.

Then there’s covid to think about also.

Hi OP!

I just wanted to say my other half also has a heart condition, sometimes he doesn't keep great health and he's also 40. We had a surprise pregnancy early August and in all honesty he panicked for a couple of days about being too old, potentially not being around for a long time etc but that quickly turned to huge excitement for him and he has a new zest for life just now.

What i have learned is that people with heart conditions have a lot of underlying psychological issues relating to their illness and general health which can cause a huge amount of anxiety for them (which also projects onto us). The norm where i live after heart surgery is for the patient to be referred to a psychologist to talk through these thoughts.

We can all assume how our partner is going to react to an unplanned pregnancy, but in all truth we never actually know until we've told them (and for some, given them some time to think things through).

Sending you lots of love x

Now we are here again but this time my partner has a good reason to moan at me. His health.

You didn’t conceive this baby alone, so he’s got no reason or right to moan at you. Has he suggested using any additional forms of contraception, bearing in mind that you've had had (apologies if I’ve misunderstood this) 3 unplanned pregnancies?

I was on contraception with all 3 pregnancies. My first with son was the depo. Same again on second. This time round on the pill.
Doesn’t make sense how that’s possible but seems to be a regular thing in my family.
My mum had the coil in when my brother was conceived. My sister had the implant in her arm when she conceived triplets.
I feel I have done my bit by trying to protect against pregnancy.
I do understand if he did mthat an this time round. He’s nearly 50 years old and just had pacemaker surgery planted. So I would totally understand from his point if he did moan.

Yes u are most probably right.

I should find the right words to address this across then give him time to allow it to digest.

Last year before learning it was a blighted ovum. I told him he thought I might be pregnant, so I bought a test for both of to be present while testing. He sort of moaned a little at first from the shock. By that same night he was really happy and excited. My nice I learnt it was blight ovum he backed off on a emotional level. He couldn’t deal with the emotions and moaned at me to be more careful. Then words didn’t go down to well but I excepted that he’s a man who can’t deal with huge emotions.

It just seems like a really not so good time for a pregnancy to come out. For both of us. But I’m my heart I want it and I sort of know he will feel not ye same.

Going to stew on it for day or 2 weeks think and find the best way to approach him about this, without making him go all panicky