AIBU at 33 wks to want my dh to not go out in the evenings

[readinginbed]

Have no idea if i'm being ruled by pregnancy hormones or if i am being perfectly reasonable but just had fight with DH because don't feel he is being very supportive - this is 2nd pregnancy and in the 1st pregnancy it was like he was going to leave me any day, so he's not got a good history IYSWIM. ANyway, been having complications with this preg and am quite scared of premature labour (constant BH quite uncomfortable) and not getting to hospital in time so have asked DH not to go out in the evenings till baby born. He said he would 'go mad' and thinks i am being unreasonable. I just feel so vulnerable and angry at him for not being there for me. Anyway my sister is great and will be my other birth partner so told DH he didn't have to be birth parnter if he was going to feel so caged in by the whole event. He was upset said he wants to be birth partner still. But honestly he is useless! Came home from 2 day hospital stay yesterday and the minute i was in the door he handed over DS and hurried off to work, though i was still struggling! He is very kind just very unaware of what i need right now. SIGH. Am i being oversensitive?

I think this is complicated. I am 33 weeks too and wouldn't mind if dh went out but then again, I haven't just been in hospital.

In the nicest possible way I think this is about you trying to exercise some control over his behaviour at the stage when you feel, understandably, increasingly vulnerable. I don't think this is areally about him being out when you go into labour as he could always be called and just come home if that happened. I think this is more about you needing him near you and behaving like the supportive, caring partner that you need at the moment.

thank you for your honesty, your answer does ring true about needing to gain control. Just wanted to imprint on DH how vulnerable i am feeling right now. Sometimes the only way is to have a fight get it all said. Not very grown up i know... Feel better haveing a moan on here.

Can he be contactable on mobile phone? Think you need to give him a bit of space otherwise potentially a v long 7 weeks and unhappy household.

denny think you're right, especially as if i remember rightly the hard graft comes after the birth, will need to have happy DH then more than now. Thank you v much for your sane perspecitve both, can see it objectively but preg hormones take over sometimes!

I symapthise. I remember going to a wedding with DH when I was 36 weeks with DD. We were staying in a hotel with all our friends. They had decided to have a boozy night out which I didnt want to go to after having no sleep the night before and generally feeling like a social outcast in my big pregnant state. DH wanted to go and said "its you thats preganant not me". The words have stayed with me. Its very difficult striking a balance between both needs and may need compromise. I am now pregnant with DC2 and TBH DH makes few concessions for me. He still goes out twice a week and I expect he will be doing the same until I give birth. His attitude is to cram it all in whilst he can because he knows things will change when baby arrives. Depends on the man of course but to some extent it is YOU thats pregnant and not him. He knows he has things to give up in the future so perhaps sees no reason to start now. Its a tough one.

i actively encouraged DH to go out before the baby arrived. my view was that he was working in a stressful job and he needed to unwind - i also thought if the roles were reversed, i would want to go out and it wasnt fair to expect him to come home and sit in just because i didnt feel like going out.
it is a tough time though and i sympathise - but maybe giving him the space he needs will make him happier and then more supportive towards you?

aww readinginbed, understand you feeling vulnerable atm. I am 37+3 weeks atm. Dp was in Japan for weeks 34-36 (he is frequently workng abroad). Also this is my 2nd pregnancy. Ended up in hosptial 2 weeks ago and he came home from Japan a day early as thought baby was on way. He would stay home every night if i insisted but I think it is important for him to go out and see his friends too. He goes out each monday night and has said when baby is born he will not go out for first 4 weeks. I think if I told him he couldnt go out tho he would resist and there would be resentment.

Is there anyway you could agree to him having a night out a week and comprimise and explain to him how vulnerable you feel and that you need to know if you call him he will come.

I completely understand where you are coming from- my dh went out with a few work contacts on Tuesday and got dropped home, hammered, by one of his female contacts who I have never met, but have had to listen to him previously talk about how successful she is blah blah blah.. anyway in my huge stretchmarked state I completely flew off the handle and accused him of all sorts. Its horrible because I was a successful business woman about town but have spent the last 6 months in stretchy pants and maternity clothes and he doesn't seem to get that pregnant women have body hang up, life crisises and him getting dropped off by the lovely business contact in her bloody karen m,ilan suit is really going to make see red- rant over... but readinbed, you have every right to be over senesitive at the moment you need to support, my dh is just oblivious to things and needs a firm telling sometimes- hope you feel better soon x