Anyone with a small age gap?

[Lou98]

Hi! Does anybody have two kids close in age? My wee boy is about to turn 6 months and I just found out this morning I’m pregnant again!
It wasn’t planned but now I’m freaking out slightly about only having a 14 month age gap between the two!

How did you find it? Was it easier going from 1 to 2 than you thought? Pros, cons etc? I’m so nervous now

I was in a very similar situation. I have 16 months between my 2 DC. Ds1 was only 8 months old when I discovered I was PG with ds2. It was a bit of shock as we weren't trying. It Honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it might have been. I was still very much elbow deep in nappies and bottles when ds2 was born and it didn't make much difference having another baby as I was still in that mindset and already had everythingI needed. Both DC were in pretty much in the same routine. Obviously I had to have a strict routine. Ds2 slotted into our life perfectly. My DC are 10 and 9 now and they're literally the best of friends as they're so close in age, which is lovely. Its also nice to get all the bottle feeding, nappy changing, sleepless nights, weaning, potty training etc over and done with pretty much at the same time. I guess the only cons would be when you had to leave the house, it took forever, having a double pram was a pain sometimes and the nights when ds1 would wake up and then ds2 would wake up straight after was exhausting. Currently PG with baby number 3 and I'm so out of practice this time round 😂 I'm a lot more apprehensive than I was when I had DS2!

My brother and I are 13 months apart and my mum said it was honestly no different having my bro and I so close as opposed to waiting a few years in between (which she did with my older siblings) and said it was somewhat easier as she essentially you have two babies similar age hitting similar milestones at similar times etc; we both started nursery months apart...

@fallhappy1 thank you!

Yeah it was a bit of a shock for me too, it took us 2 years and a mc to get pregnant with our son so when I found out yesterday I was pregnant, without even trying (and using condoms) I was so shocked!

Now that it's settled in, I'm very happy about it and my partner is over the moon! I think I'm just worrying about the practical side of things and having two young kids. As you say though, it will be good getting the baby stages out the way at the same time and I know there's no guarantee with closeness but fingers crossed they'll be close being so close in age!

Congratulations on baby number 3! I'm sure it will all come flooding back as soon as they're here!

@CtrlU thank you! That is good then that she found it easier. I never even thought about hitting milestones, I suppose baby 2 will learn so much from our son as he's learning aswell with them being close in age!

unless Irish twins I consider anything under 18 months a small gap.

there are just less than 17m between DS2 & DS3 and it was tough, partially because of DS3's feeding problems but also because it meant we had 3 under 3.5 years!

yes, it will be hard because a 14m old is not old enough to be "reasonable", they will still practically be a baby - but unlike twins they will have very different needs at different times you will have to juggle that.

BUT you can & you will do it.
You will figure it out!

Whenever I had a newborn I sat down and made a time table of what all the other children needed at certain times. And baby would just have to fit within the non-negotiable parts (like school runs) and I would adjust some things for the older one/s so I could cater for baby's needs better.

14m age difference is gonna be tough for the first 1/2 - 1 year.
but because they will be so close in age after that it should get more managable.

plus you might get an easy baby who just slots into existing routines like a dream so please don't get worked up in advance!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba thank you!
Yeah I think that's what I'm worrying about is I know our son is still going to be practically a baby himself so won't understand that he's no longer got our full attention.

When my partners home he's brilliant and very hands on so I'm not so worried then but he works offshore so he's away for 2/3 weeks at a time and I'll be alone, that's what I'm more worrying about, trying to keep up with two babies.

On the plus side though, we already have mostly everything we'll need and it will be good being able to get the baby stages out the way together as we're both fairly sure we only want the two!

Yes she said she loved having us so close together although initially she panicked and thought it wouldn’t be possible.

She didn’t have to even potty train us as she said we were so independent we used to watch her and our older siblings use the toilet and saw how they done it, then I started using the toilet myself and my brother was 2 and about a week later she saw my brother on the toilet. We just watched our older sister and brother doing it and we caught on.

My mum said weaning was easy as my brother ate pretty much whatever I ate.

When I would go to sleep my brother would copy and do the same so again - one bedtime routine was easier than setting 2 up for bed.

Once I started walking- weeks later my brother started walking.

Once I started talking - weeks/ months later my brother has started.

I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and unicorns but I know I have heard similar things from friends who also have children close in age.

My gap is less and I love it😂 it’s busy and hectic having a new baby and toddler but it’s also lovely! The toddler loves the new baby and it makes me so happy to see them together. Also love that hopefully they will get on and always have a good friend in one another. The only bad thing is the weight gain on my end, very tough to lose and I feel my body can’t bounce back at all after two back to back pregnancies. Well worth it though!

Even now my brother and I are inseparable. We lived together for years when we left home and ironically had children 1 year apart so our kids are like siblings too

you know going from 1 to 2 is commonly the most worrying time, more than having 1sr or going for #3!

so please know that you are so not alone.
Whatever the age gap there are also the "will I love my new baby as much as the 1st?" (yes, you will!) & "how will DC1 react?" ( there's no way of telling but you will be there to handle it) questions too.
Everyone goes through the same thing and they all figure it out so hopefully that's a helpful thing for you to know!

Just don't expect much from yourself or your toddler. Take it as easy as you can, lower expectations and know that it's gonna be a bit of a "survival mode" phase so don't aim for "perfect", aim for good enough.
if you are all in pyjamas all day - who cares?
cereal for dinner? great!
skip a bath? pfft
saying no to people? inevitable

I have 7 kids and I promise you that you will be fine. 100%

I have 2 boys 18 months apart (now nearly 3 and 4.5) I love the gap. Ds2 was planned but I didn’t think I would conceive so quickly and was a bit apprehensive but it has been great my boys are so close, they adore each other. The pros are much bigger than the cons I think.

Pros-

• No jealousy from ds1. He was just too young to really get what was going on and just accepted ds2 straight away.

• you’re already in the baby stage, you don’t need to adjust to nappies, feeding etc.

• their needs are fairly similar, you just get used to looking after 2 babies instead of 1. In many ways it’s easier than managing the competing needs of a baby and an older child.

• as they grow up they will most likely be into a lot of the same things at the same time, like the same tv shows, play with the same toys, enjoy the same days out etc.

My only cons really were-

• pregnancy was hard. Ds1 didn’t walk until 16 months and I injured by back lifting him which made pregnancy pretty rough. I also had bad morning sickness which wasn’t much fun with a baby to look after.

• sometimes you need to leave one of them to cry a little longer than you’d like if you are sorting the other one out. They were absolutely fine but it did stress me out at times.

It can be quite intense and full on but absolutely worth it to see the relationship they have as they grow up. Mine are inseparable and they play so well together. When we were in lockdown I was immensely grateful my 2 had each other to play with.

I’m expecting my third now with a 3.5 year age gap and I’m a little apprehensive about how big the gap is compared to last time! Due to my back issues (now resolved) I would have liked another sooner but wasn’t able to but I’m sure this age gap will again have its pros and cons. You adapt to what you have to really. Congratulations, you will be fine!

btw DS2 & DS3 are now 18 and almost 17.
they have a good relationship, even with each others' friends

14 month between my 2. They adore each other and it's lovely to see them together but it has been without any shadow of a doubt the hardest year of my entire life and I won't lie that I've wished a lot of it away. Baby 2 didn't (still doesn't really) sleep and his lack of sleep meant baby 1 went from doing 12 hours straight to up screaaaaming through the night too! Baby 2 is almost 1 and we're definitely turning a corner but it's HARD. If you get a good sleeper I think it's manageable, the days are full on but bearable if you're well rested. If you're having awful broken sleep then (very much) less so!

I have 13 months between mine but they are now 21 and 20. I think every gap has it's challenges and it is honestly more down to their personalities than the gap itself I think. Mine were pretty laid back but we still had difficult moments but what parent doesn't?

I think the main negative for me was the fact that everything is over quite quickly, so instead of having years of santa and the easter bunny, as younger children still believe, it's effectively done in a few years. This can also be a good thing though as it's the same with the harder bits like nappies

Best of luck OP. We were similar, nearly 4 years trying to conceive DS1 and then got pregnant with DS2 whilst still breastfeeding etc. To be fair we weren't using any contraceptives as we wanted a 2nd DC and expected that we could wait a while again.

Another thing to consider is the cost, we've got a boy and a girl so didn't reuse a lot of stuff from our first clothes wise, which can be expensive when they're both at ages when they're flying through sizes! At one point we were spending almost £200 a month on nappies, wipes & milk and our nursery fees are almost £2k a month and that's not them in full time. Also cost of potentially getting a double buggy or the converter to turn your pram in to a double, obviously that's just a one off cost but it all adds up!

1 & 2 had a 5 year gap, 2 & 3 16.5mth. I preferred the smaller gap, tiring at times but lovely too. Had twins when the 3rd was almost 3yr & our 6th arrived in Aug with twins now 6yr. Number 2 is our only boy, the girls have used older ones clothes worthy of use (lots get worn out).
How kids get on has more to do with personalities than age gaps, all ours get on well most of the time.

I've got two girls who are close in age. It's been great as they've gotten older as the hand-me-down clothes just go directly down.
They're very different characters but have been good company for one another over the years.

I had two in 21 minutes, a third 18 months later and went in to have a fourth 2 years after that (four under fours).
I personally liked it. If you have I e baby you are really busy, if you have two you are just as busy but they get a bit less attention which isn’t a bad thing - they learn to occupy themselves a bit more, share better and become more sociable.
If you think about it,people manage with twins, triplets and more so a 14 months gap will be easy peasy!

My 2nd and 3rd are 12 months apart. Number 3 came early but only should have been 14 months anyway. It was hard work to start with. I'd suggest a play pen it got me through a lot! I could safely put baby to nap in a pen or put toddler in play pen while I fed baby (otherwise he would do some crazy trick to seek attention like stand up on his trike or climb on the dining table 🙄) but now they are 3 and 4 and life's great. They are little best friends, get mistaken for twins all the time as number 3 is tall and number 2 is small. Get a decent double buggy too it will be a lifesaver. I opted for a single and buggy board but about 2 .o the in realised it was a terrible idea and forked out on a double buggy I wish I'd had from the start. Enjoy it! I remember feeling the way you do now but you will get through it and look back fondly! 😘

*about 2 months in

@Fairy45 thank you! I am definitely trying to focus on how much easier it will be as they get older, although also don't want to wish my time away with them!

What double buggy did you get if you don't mind me asking? I have been looking but no idea what to go for, I don't mind spending a bit more if it's recommended!

@PeachesPumpkin that is a great way to look at it, thank you! 😁

@fruitsaladyummyummy We have been thinking about the cost, I was due back at work in May but this baby will now be due in July so will have to factor in no Maternity Pay this time round too!

We will manage though, we waste so much money on things we don't need so will just need to be more sensible going forward!

Luckily all of our big purchases for our son we bought in grey so we can use regardless of sex. Same with our clothes, the majority are quite neutral colours anyway. It will be more the expensive of nappies, milk etc as you say and also one off purchases like the buggy, will need to get more bedroom furniture as DS will obviously still be using his aswell

@ElephantOfRisk that is true, we both are sure that we only want the two so it is a bit sad thinking that their baby years will be over quite quickly, although as you say, also good to (hopefully) get the night feeds, toilet training etc out the way altogether.
There's definitely pros and cons to any age gap I'd say, I'm feeling a bit calmer now I've had time to process and read the replies on here!

@MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat thank you for your reply, it's great to see the pros and cons others have found!

Pregnancy is definitely one of my big worries, I'm only very early days just now but I had a nightmare of a pregnancy with my son, I had HG that started about 7 weeks and lasted the full pregnancy, then also developed SPD later on and was in agony. The thought of going through that again with a baby to look after at the same time is very much a worry! I'm just hoping that this pregnancy isn't as rough as my last one!

Congratulations on baby number 3! 😁