So what ACTUALLY happens? Childbirth and beyond

[Ribrabrob]

First baby due in March and I know absolutely nothing about babies! In fact I don’t think I’ve ever even held one (don’t get me wrong, i want and will love my own but have never really been the maternal type).

So I have some questions:

What happens when it’s born - can you sleep In the hospital after? For how long? Who looks after the baby? Does it need feeding straight away? How do you shower if your partners been sent home - who looks after the baby?! How do you even hold a baby?

When you get home - what do you do with the baby if you need the loo? Take it with you? Should you sit in the back seat with the baby? Do you automatically wake when the baby cries, is it really just instinct?

So many questions! As you can tell I’m a bit clueless so please, enlighten me :)

When you get home - what do you do with the baby if you need the loo? Take it with you? Depends, if content where they are and no older kids or pets in the room then I didn't. If crying, I took them and had a cheap bouncer chair in the bathroom. Same for showering. Should you sit in the back seat with the baby? I didn't. The one time I did baby got more distressed at seeing me but unable to pick them up. Do you automatically wake when the baby cries, is it really just instinct? I've always woken at the slightest snuffle by my kid, but a friend needed a monitor and baby to be full on screaming!

On our what's app this week we were talking about how helpful it would have been to have someone walk round the post natal ward saying you don't need to give formula because baby can't latch just cup feed expressed milk for a week or two/ it's normal your baby is hungry and needs you to feed every 15 minutes as his stomach is the size of a nut/ your baby wants to be on top of you not alone in the crib!

If you have no experience with babies you're unfortunately going to end up thinking lots of things are signs of "a problem" instead of normal and just need time and for you and baby to learn together. A doula might be a good investment!

I’m weeks away from baby #3 and I have literally never taken a baby to the toilet with me when I’ve been at home 🙈 I’ve just left them in their moses/pram/playmat or wherever they were. As they got older they would go in a cot or high chair where there was no chance of escape! You do not need to learn how to have a wee whilst holding a baby!

1. I stayed over night in the hospital with both DC and yes I did sleep there. They will keep you in for as long as they feel appropriate. Some women are sent home the same day if their birth had been straight forward. Women who have had a C section will obviously stay longer.
2. You look after your baby. The midwifes will help you if you need help. They won't just leave you to it. They will continuously check your vitals and baby's vitals during your stay. They will support you in every way possible.
3. I'm not sure about other babies but I fed my two DC within the hour they were born. I'm assuming most babies will need feeding pretty soon after being born.

4 . If your partner isn't there then the midwifes will look after your baby if you need to go for a shower.

1. If you're worried you might be holding your baby wrong just tell a midwife. They're there to help and support you.
2. I've always left my baby in the moses basket when I've needed a loo. I don't think I've ever taken them to the toilet with Me.
3. As long as the baby is straped in safely in an appropriate car seat then you don't need to sit in the back with the baby, unless you want to of course.
4. Personally I've never been able to sleep through when my baby has started crying. It's always woken me up.

I remember with my first thinking 'when I get home what do I do with it and where do I put it?!'. This in the end was sorted for me- I gave birth at 11pm on a midwife unit and was discharged home at 3am. So when I got home... straight to bed! With DC2, he was happily cuddled on my knee at home 5 hours after being born while I scoffed a McDonald's one-handed.

Every experience is different- we all just muddle through

Dont worry, you’ll be fine. If in doubt just ask a midwife and they will show you. I had no clue about babies with my first. Id never dressed one, changed a nappy, think I’d held a couple of friends newborns for about 5 mins and that was it. I was quite un-maternal and uncomfortable around babies and was quite terrified!

I did nct which in a way was helpful but it is quite focussed on the actual birth rather than what you do after. The midwives in the hospital were helpful. They showed me how to hold a bottle and feed him (had planned on breastfeeding but wasn’t able to due to complications with the birth) they helped me change his nappy, get him dressed. With the shower my husband was there so he just watched the baby but if not I think you can just wheel the cot in with you. For the toilet I just left him in his cot as I was only gone a minute.

I found the most daunting part was getting him, bringing the car seat in and being like. Now what do we do with him??!! 😂 we figured it out, 4.5 years on I’ve managed to keep him alive and happy and if I can anyone can.

Omg this was me! Although I was terrified of giving birth and had an elective section, great experience but I’ll skip the birth part.

What happens when it’s born - can you sleep In the hospital after? For how long? Who looks after the baby?

I didn’t sleep in the hospital at all, not even a wink. It wasn’t even because of my baby because he slept the whole night (other than when I woke him to feed). I was in a ward with 4 people, a lot of babies crying, they were doing rounds to check your blood pressure etc as well as coming in to give pain killers and I was adamant I wasn’t missing them. I was also paranoid if I fell asleep and all the babies were crying that I wouldn’t hear my own baby and wouldn’t wake up. Was shattered when I got home but it was after 24 hours luckily!

Does it need feeding straight away? Pretty much, bottle or breast feed within the first hour roughly

How do you shower if your partners been sent home - who looks after the baby?!

In the end up I had a bag full of shower things and didn’t shower 🙈 no one on my ward showered! But we’d all had sections and it was very difficult getting clothes on and off so I think everyone just thought get me home ASAP. When I went to the toilet I asked what I should do about the baby and the nurses told me just to leave him where he was. I’ve heard other hospitals have very nippy nurses who say you have to take the baby.

How do you even hold a baby?
Don’t know how to answer that one 😂 I’d never really held anyone else’s baby but as long as you hold their neck as you’re lifting them it’s actually not a big deal when it’s yours and you arent going to upset someone by hurting the baby (you won’t hurt it) 😂

When you get home - what do you do with the baby if you need the loo? Take it with you?
No you can run to the loo

Should you sit in the back seat with the baby?
I did for weeks but I couldn’t drive til 6 weeks

Do you automatically wake when the baby cries, is it really just instinct?
Yes I didn’t expect this but you won’t miss it

Also don’t try to be a hero the first few weeks and shower etc when you’re alone with the baby. I learned the hard way. Have a shower and wash your hair at night. The first few weeks, especially if your husband goes back to work, even sit your clothes out the night before (and theirs if you want to be super organized). I felt like doing that made the morning more stress free, even if we weren’t going anywhere! The first week DH was working I was still sitting at lunchtime wanting to get dressed but not getting a second unless I was to leave the baby lying screaming! We got a routine going quickly where he sleeps an hour in the morning, usually while out a walk. He sleeps 2 hours at lunch, in his crib and an hour later on. Don’t let he/she be awake for over 45mins to an hour and a half at first or they’ll get overtired and scream the place down when you try to get them to go down. My baby is almost 3 months and I was lucky and did get a good one but he sleeps 7pm til 8:30am 🙈

Honestly you’ll just figure it out. Every baby is different. I had spent loads of time with my nieces before my daughter was born and thought I had a pretty good idea what being a mum was all about. Yet after I gave birth I felt completely clueless and had no idea what I was doing. Don’t worry though it will come. I was terrified of pulling things over my daughters head when she was newborn incase I didn’t support her neck properly. Vests can be pulled up on down the body and don’t need to go over their head. Also babygrows with poppers or zips ok the front mean that you can lay the baby down and dress them without having to pull anything over their head. I had a little basket that was full of essentials like nappies, wipes, nappy cream, nappy sacks which I could then move from the living room in the day to the bedroom at night