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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

It’s a sex thread, sorry

25 replies

Gimmethegold · 28/10/2021 19:45

DP and I had a very good sex life pre-pregnancy. It’s tailed off significantly recently. Turns out he’s less up for sex due to me being pregnant. Feels weird because there’s a baby ‘up there’. Told him he’s actually nowhere near the baby but he’s still weirded out.
Says he still finds me attractive, just doesn’t get as turned on now.
I was already feeling insecure about how much my body has changed in the last few months but for him to say this, I feel even more deflated.
Anyone else?

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MissConductUS · 28/10/2021 19:48

Is this your first? Some men are genuinely afraid of hurting the baby. See if you can find some info on line to show him that this isn't a concern.

He may also just be anxious about how much your lives are going to change once the baby comes.

Suzi888 · 28/10/2021 19:54

DH and I were on the same page, we both felt weird about it too. I didn’t find it very comfortable and was really tired, so it was a definite no! We had lots of cuddles and I got loads of massages instead.
Do you think your DP meant that he doesn’t get turned on because of the thought of the baby, rather that finding you unattractive? poor choice of words maybe!
Could you try a different position so that your bump isn’t between you?

Try not to get down about your body, eat well, do some exercise, massage your skin, have a nice bath, pamper yourself.

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 28/10/2021 21:20

It’s not my first, but my first with him. It wasn’t planned and he was rather against going ahead with the pregnancy so the past few months have been strained. All is ok now though.
I think(?) it is purely down to there being a womb invader that he feels weird about it. Not helping that I’m a horny mess 90% of the time! Don’t feel like I want to initiate sex anymore

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DancingintheSpoonlight · 28/10/2021 21:27

DP was very much like this, especially when you could start to feel movements from the outside.

I've assured him that while I have no complaints with his proportions, he isn't THAT well endowed to be close enough to do anything to baby. We took the pressure off by suggesting we just try foreplay on each other until he felt better and then have experimented to find positions where bump is not involved at all.

MissConductUS · 28/10/2021 21:31

I remember those days. I had some really naughty dreams.

Do you think he's accepted that he's going to have a lot of new responsibilities?

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 28/10/2021 21:57

@MissConductUS
That’s a good question. Yes and no, I suppose. On the outside he seems excited, inside, I know he’s probably terrified. He hasn’t actually bought anything for the baby yet(I’m 24 weeks) I’ve bought it all. He’s not offered to give me anything back for it either. We don’t live together and I don’t see this relationship being forever either, which I’m ok with.
I think I’d rather do it all in my own than end up resenting him for doing next to nothing…
Well that got sidetracked didn’t it!

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MissConductUS · 28/10/2021 22:45

I think I’d rather do it all in my own than end up resenting him for doing next to nothing… Well that got sidetracked didn’t it!

Sorry if I sidetracked your thread. Smile

Some men do see fatherhood as a loss of freedom, but most just get on with it. If you don't see this as a long term relationship, can you get him to provide financial support for the child?

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 28/10/2021 23:00

@MissConductUS he does/did very much see this as the end of his life and any future plans he had.
I told him straight away that he didn’t have to be involved at all but he insisted that wouldn’t be the case. That’s all great, but I’d like to start seeing some actual proof of this before we get any further

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Original poster
Gimmethegold · 28/10/2021 23:01

I don’t really want him at the birth either, which sounds awful. It’s such a vulnerable state to be in and I just don’t think I want him to see me like that

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MissConductUS · 28/10/2021 23:09

I understand completely not wanting him at the birth. It's not as if you're married. Does he have a good job?

Make sure you get his name on the birth certificate. I have two kids, both in uni now. Kids are really expensive.

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 28/10/2021 23:15

Yes he does have a good job I guess. I will be putting him on the BC but I don’t know whether to give the baby his surname. He seems to think I am going to.

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Original poster
Gimmethegold · 28/10/2021 23:17

I don’t even want his money though, that’s the thing. I was financially controlled by my ex and have vowed never to be financially(or otherwise) dependent on a man ever again. I stayed with the ex years longer than I wanted to due to this

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MissConductUS · 29/10/2021 01:12

You can take money and set it aside for the benefit of the child without depending on it yourself. But I do understand your feelings about it.

Derbee · 29/10/2021 02:18

It’s not really a sex thread. The sex is a product of stresses and difficulties in your relationship. It’s hard enough being pregnant, without the added stress of feeling you don’t have proper support, and not imagining it as a particularly long term relationship.

I’m sorry you’re in a difficult position at the moment, and I hope it all works out how you want it to. Personally, with you not being married and not planning to, I would give the baby your surname, regardless of what he’s expecting.

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 29/10/2021 09:20

It’s strange. I still don’t feel like I can fully relax with him.

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Pamparam · 29/10/2021 12:29

Don’t give the baby his surname. I’m not married to my DP although I am optimistic it is a lifelong thing, I still didn’t give mine his. Although they do have his as a middle name.

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 29/10/2021 16:17

I don’t want to hurt him by doing this. But I’m so torn

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MissConductUS · 29/10/2021 16:29

The baby gets his name if he marries you. I'm getting the feeling he's not planning his campaign for father of the year.

It doesn't sound like you want to live with him either.

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 29/10/2021 17:44

Nooo I don’t want to live with him. Or any other man for that matter. Been there done that.

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sociallydistained · 29/10/2021 17:52

My partner is not bothered at all. Finds me more sexy I think. I however feel like a whale, too tired and find it uncomfortable 😩 still having it but less regular and I’d probably give it up tbh.

sociallydistained · 29/10/2021 17:55

@Gimmethegold

Nooo I don’t want to live with him. Or any other man for that matter. Been there done that.
I don’t want to live with a partner either. Ever! However, I probably will for the baby and I have a one bedroom flat I own and can’t get anywhere bigger by myself. The plan is to have baby here and move when I’m ready 😬
ironorchids · 29/10/2021 18:10

Says he still finds me attractive, just doesn't get as turned on now.

This is probably down to the other issues like his fear of having the baby rather than anything to do with you.

Still it would be difficult not to feel upset about, but try to remember it's the other stuff affecting his affections.

What to do about those other things is another question. Maybe some time apart to reassess if you miss him at all or how it makes you feel would help?

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 31/10/2021 17:18

It’s strange, he gets ‘aroused’ just hugging me! I think it is just down to the fact there’s a little womb invader in there!

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JovialNickname · 31/10/2021 17:36

If you keep saying womb invader that might be putting him off Grin

Original poster
Gimmethegold · 31/10/2021 18:06

Grin I’ve never actually used that expression in front of him 😂

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