Just discovered I'm pregnant - anyone else felt on the terrified side...? :)

[JunieS]

Hi everyone!

Please feel free to redirect me to a more appropriate thread for topics like this - joined not long ago, so not too seasoned!

I joined because I was 42 and ttc. Assumed that it would take a long time,so I was mentally preparing myself for IVF and the frustration of it all...turns out that anticipation and anxiety are totally pointless, as this morning a home test came back positive, on the second month we attempted it properly.

My first reaction was utter shock (despite ttc, I know... xD) and my second and still current is panic. Utter, sheer panic. I told my husband straight away, and the poor thing didn't even have time to feel anything when I was dumping ALL THE PANIC out. Mainly to remind him that I'm 42 and miscarriages are what, almost 50/50? I guess my brain just wanted us to be realistic and not be utterly shocked if we have bad luck and it sadly happens...Anyway!

The other thing I'm feeling is guilt. Because I'm not feeling ecstatic, or celebratory...I'm just panicking because I feel I'm so unprepared for it all. My mum died a few years ago, so that source of comfort is gone, and I have no close friends I can ask about being pregnant, about best hospitals, about...I don't know, about everything. There's also the fact that I never really thought I wanted to have children - my husband was the more keen of the two of us, to be totally honest.

Did anyone feel like this? All people I know released the news with some happiness and confetti and all that I'm feeling really alien!

I just wanted to get this out of my chest, my lovely mumsnet people, and to thank you for all your very informative threads and wisdom. You guys are so knowledgeable and so supportive, that it was the first place that came up to mind!

See you around and sorry for the rant!
Junie 🧡

Yes I definitely felt the panic even though it was planned. And then the next few weeks were the most anxious time of my life probably, they just seemed to last forever. I felt a lot better after 12 week scan.

Don’t feel guilty, I really don’t think anyone feels 100% joy and nothing else.

It’s a difficult balance to realistically prepare yourself that the pregnancy might not work out, while staying positive and not letting yourself get too anxious.

In terms of practicalities, unless you live somewhere with a lot of hospital options (London), most people go for their local trust. You can read CQC reports for information on maternity services at each trust.

You can usually self-refer to midwives at around 6-8 weeks so they can book you in for your 12 week scan. No need to get in touch with GP unless you need medical help for morning sickness etc.

Hi @JunieS I'm 38 and 7+2 weeks pregnant with my 3rd yes was planned if it happened it happened but happened too soon for my liking lol now am pannikin feeling I'm too old as I've 2 grown up kids my anxiety is through the roof I have an early scan tomorrow so hoping that will help me x

I had a complete freakout when I first found out because like you it happened very quickly and though I really wanted a baby I was in shock.

My mum was rubbish. She basically thought I was saying that I wanted an abortion and was angry with me because I wanted a baby for so long. Actually I was just experiencing a bit of anxiety. Some older people don’t understand anxiety I guess. She made me feel ashamed.

My mother in law told my husband that it was totally normal for the mum to be scared and that any fear/panic you feel is fine and normal. This is also what all the websites say!

It’s perfectly possible to want something and be scared at the same time. If it’s dominating your thoughts though do talk to your midwife. There is some amazing support out there x

When I got a BFp, I was in utter disbelief despite having unprotected sex, I laughed, then cried, then had a panic attack and it took me ages to calm down and ranted at DP that he has to help me and what are we gonna do??
We were TTC as well. I was 38, just didn’t think it would happen so quickly.
Then it settles in and all is well and you share the news when the time is right and no one will know that you freaked out lol

When I found out I was pregnant at the start of this year after one month of trying, i was extremely anxious too. I was in shock that this was actually happening , I was scared weather the baby would stay in there and I was worried that I couldn't possibly be a mother. Baby comes out next week and it's just as nerve wrecking 🤣🤣 all the emotions are normal at the start , your body is filled with hormones and the thought of being a parent is frightening. So be kind to yourself. Congratulations 🎊

I did.
I wasn’t even ttc though! It’s scary, it’s a bit of a shock, but this is a wanted child so give yourself time! Congratulations!

Some people just don't get excited about stuff like this, I'm one of them. I'm 25wks with my second and neither pregnancy has at any point given me anything but fear and worry.
I didn't want kids initially and with both of mine I got pregnant after having unprotected sex once. I'm late 30s so maybe it's to do with age? There's little that excites me as I'm old and miserable .

I also don't know anyone who is pregnant or had kids within the last 20yrs, so there's no one I can ask for advice.

Totally normal, I’ve felt like this every time and they were all planned! Currently 9 weeks with dc3, totally planned and wanted but I still keep having mini panics and wondering why I did this?! I think it’s just hormones. The first trimester is the worst for up and down emotions and generally feeling unsettled I find. Some days I’m fine and others I feel anxious. It’s the fear of change I think as well. I definitely had it in my first pregnancy (very much wanted but surprised how fast it happened) and second, then I remember when they were born looking back and thinking how silly it was because I loved this little person so much how could I ever have doubted it? Then felt guilty!

It’s all normal and just part of the rollercoaster of pregnancy! Congratulations and give yourself time to adjust