Struggling with anxiety

[Elsie2021]

I am 10+4 days pregnant. Earlier this year I had a missed miscarriage, discovered at our 12 week scan. Baby had stopped growing around 11 weeks.

I am absolutely over the moon to be pregnant again, but the anxiety of it is really getting me down. I worry about everything.

I clean and then worry that the cleaning products harmed the baby. I cook and then worry if the meat was cooked enough. I just worry that there is something wrong with my body that will harm the baby again.

I have had an early scan at 8 weeks and baby looked good, but I had an early scan at 9 weeks last time and everything was fine then too.

I know there is nothing I can do but wait until my 12 week scan, but does anyone have any words of wisdom to help keep me sane whilst waiting?

Thank you!

I'm not sure I can offer words of wisdom but I can say that the way you feel, while terrible, sounds completely understandable.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I have personally not experienced this but I do still get what you're feeling. I remember at around your point in my pregnancy, I was putting on a load of laundry and I put the bottle of detergent on the ground with the lid off as I loaded the washing. I put it down a little too firmly and the liquid squirted out the top and a little got into my mouth. I immediately rinsed but I was so upset afterwards because I was convinced I had killed my baby. What an awful burden feeling this way is to bear.

I kind of put it down to the fact that in pregnancy, you're so out of control. Ultimately, your MMC was a very sad natural occurrence that you could not have prevented. But when it's your body, it does feel like you ought to be able to prevent it, doesn't it? So it's so easy to become overly cautious and anxious about everything you think might affect your baby, after all, you want to do the best you can. For me at the moment, it's shampoo. I'm so worried about the type of shampoo I'm using affecting my baby. Ultimately, you have to follow medical advice and trust in nature and remember that people have smoked and drunk alcohol and taken drugs throughout their pregnancies and ended up having perfectly healthy babies (I'm certainly not saying this is advisable or healthy, but it is true in some cases!), so try not to worry about meat maybe being a little under cooked or breathing cleaning products - or what shampoo you're using (!)!

Good luck with everything, you sound like you're doing a great job :) All the best.

@Evianontoast thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lovely reply to me.

How far into your pregnancy are you now? I wish you all the best.

It’s funny what we do to ourselves isn’t it. We are our own worst enemies as like you say, there really is very little we can control.

Thanks again xx

So sorry for your loss @Elsie2021,
I have been where you are and it's so so tough. I am currently 38+4 with my rainbow baby and I have to be truthful, the anxiety has never fully gone away.

I found only looking ahead a milestone at a time helped me manage it. If I thought too far ahead, my brain would catastrophise even worse and I'd feel like I was jinxing myself.

Wish I had some wiser words but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Due to external events and a health issues, I actually chose to go on medication mid-pregnancy, which has helped enormously but I found that decision difficult and it's a very personal one.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and for your heartbreaking loss. It's totally understandable that you're anxious.

I'm just 4+1 with my 2nd IVF baby. With my first I didn't buy anything until after 30 weeks. It just didn't seem possible that I would get a baby after everything. Obviously in these early days I'm in now, anything can happen, so I'm just looking towards little milestones.

Hopefully it will get a little easier as time goes on, especially after your 12 week scan. There's nothing much anyone can say that will make the fear go away, but you're not alone!