Superstition is ruining my pregnancy

[Evianontoast]

Evening. Throughout my pregnancy, I’ve developed a very strong sense that any celebration of my pregnancy will be detrimental to my baby’s health. I never announced my pregnancy, haven’t told most of my friends (at 30 weeks!) and am avoiding taking pictures. I feel like I’m going to really regret it but I just feel like any mental or actual celebration of my pregnancy will harm my baby. Today, a friend who
Is due a day after me posted a lovely picture of her and her baby belly on Instagram and I thought “I’d love to do that!” And since then I’ve worried that something will go horribly wrong with my baby. In fact, her movements have slowed right down today and I’m currently at the hospital waiting to be seen and I can’t shake the feeling that it was because I daydreamed about sharing a picture of my pregnancy. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m going crazy. But whenever I entertain the idea of enjoying my pregnancy, I just feel like I’m harming my baby :(

I'm the kindest way possible, that is completely irrational sweetie and while your at the hospital it would be worth speaking to them about how you're feeling mentally x pregnancy is an extremely anxiety inducing time, have you spoken to your midwife about these thoughts and fears? If not I really thing you should it sounds like you need some support xx
Best wishes for you and your baby (I'm sure little one is fine) and try to enjoy your remainder of your pregnancy ❤️

I’d second to have a chat with your midwife. Intrusive thoughts are so common but can really cause distress so it may be helpful to get some support to help you reduce the anxiety x

With all the best will in the world, please don't worry so much. I was anxious the whole time and felt sick daily. She was very much wanted after a miscarriage and I just fretted the whole 9 months. She was born to term and was perfect. It's normal to worry but please try to enjoy it! Even if baby was born today she would be absolutely fine wouldn't she?
Relax, please x

I think it’s good you posted, I hope it’s not hard to hear but I don’t think most people feel this way and it is something you should speak to your midwife about for support. You’re not ‘crazy’ but it sounds like anxious thoughts are really taking over and you can be helped with this. Hope all is well tonight.

Ps I meant to say that addressing it with midwife before baby comes will help you prepare for what can be a naturally anxious time anyway.

Maybe it’s because you’re not actually that keen on the general idea of “celebrating” on social media? It’s all a bit crass to be honest isn’t it and difficult not to come across as boasting. Presumably you’ve shared your news with your actual friends that you’ve seen in person, since they’d wonder about a 30 week bump?! That’s enough isn’t it?

Me and my partner have also become totally superstitious (although probably not to the extent you're struggling with). We have never dared to really celebrate and it took us ages to even announce to close family. I wouldn't dream of posting anything on social media and if I talk about 'possibly' giving birth if all goes well I get terribly anxious. All medical professionals we are dealing (midwifes, GPs and specialist at the recurring miscarriage clinic) have been informed of the anxiety but there is not much they can do. I do have some talking therapy which slightly helps but I'm still terribly anxious. What we do to slightly relieve our fears (and I know this will sound strange) is touch wood whenever we say or believe anything that feels like it could jinx us. My partner recently revealed he has a specific tree he has to touch whenever he walks past. His favourite. It sounds mad but it may be as mad as our fears (touch wood). Fighting superstition with superstition. Hang in there! I hope all was well with your scan. Take care x

I was similar to you. I didn't announce my pregnancy or share photos of myself (not that we took many due to lockdowns) as I didn't want to jinx anything. I barely told people that I was talking to on the phone!
Someone i knew was due around the same time as me and plastered her pregnancy all over social media and I was a little bit jealous of all the comments and attention she received but just reminded myself that it was my decision not to post about our news.
However, LO is now here, safe and (mainly) happy.
You need to do what feels right to you.

I've been like this in both my pregnancies. I feel so anxious if anyone asks me about it (can't hide it at this point) and the baby still feels entirely hypothetical.

Thank you all for your kindness. I didn't think this was something I might need to mention to the midwife, but I certainly will. Thank you all for being so straight forward, it's really made me feel like this isn't something I have to put up with! Luckily, all was well yesterday when we went to get checked and the midwives were so kind, I've been so lucky with the medical staff I've dealt with so far.

Thank you also to the people who contributed to say they felt the same. Gosh, the love we have for our own children makes us think such silly things, doesn't it! This has made me feel so much more normal, thank you. @RosieLemonade you're so right about the baby feeling theoretical! It was only while sitting in the waiting room yesterday that I saw a woman who was clearly in the early stages of labour and seeing that she didn't look that different to me that it kind of actually hit me that this is actually happening! @Matilda128 I hope everything goes well and I hope that your anxiety also lets up a bit, it's awful isn't it? I think it's partly because you can feel so out of control in pregnancy that you kind of cling to ideas about what you are and aren't doing right - that don't really have any basis.

@MissLC thank you for your honesty. Yes, it is a little bit of jealousy too. I sort of feel like everyone is celebrating their children and I'm hiding her away and it's silly but we're programmed to think of pregnancy as this wonderful, magical thing that happens and that you're supposed to enjoy but the reality is that not everyone can. And it's difficult to see other people who aren't feeling the same way you do.

I think it’s fine not to post on social media until after baby arrives. However, I would take some bump pics just for you. I’ve not got many pictures of me pregnant and I regret that.

It's worth telling your MW and perhaps being reffered to your perinatal MH team, your anxiety does seem extreme.

I have similar anxiety but mine is manifesting in basically ignoring the pregnancy completely. I lost my ds2 at 21+4 almost a year ago due to spina bifida and have had a MMC since. Im hoping that if we get as far as an anomaly scan, and receive a clean bill of health then I'll be able to share the news with our families and friends and celebrate.

I didn't post that I was pregnant anywhere on social media with either DS1 or 2, but sharing has absolutely no bearing on what happens to you or your baby. I think it's called magical thinking and had roots in OCD/anxiety. I'd encourage you to seek support.

After 2 MCs I felt like this. If I told anyone then I would lose the baby. I felt like fate would punish me for daring to believe I could be so lucky as to have a baby.

Also, when I actually did go into labour I didn’t actually realise that I would be going home with a baby until they wheeled the little glass crib into the labour room. I cried then with the realisation that this was real! I was definitely going to have a baby!

Hi
I wanted to know how you got on with the pregnancy? I hope all went well :) I had the same feelings throughout my whole pregnancy and can very much relate. Looking back i should have sought support but didn't recognise how bad the anxiety was! (First time pregnancy). I had a baby boy in April 2021! He's 2 and a bit and a bundle of sunshine x

Massive hugs @Evianontoast and well done on identifying and acknowledging how you are feeling. You aren’t alone in these kind of feelings and sense of forbidding etc.

please do speak to midwife and GP and see if you can get some talking therapy or something.

My concern is after you’ve had the baby that this will deepen and hoping you can get help asap and not let it take over the early days.

fingers crossed for you.

Bless you, this sounds so hard. Thought I’d comment to say this sounds a little bit like it could be creeping into OCD territory. Not saying it is, I’m not a doctor! But I am a sufferer and your description did make me think of it. It’s common for OCD to manifest in women after getting pregnant/having a baby. Keep a close eye on it and defo mention it to the midwife. Sending love!

You do need to mention this to your MW if you are having these thoughts now they are not going to disappear once your baby is born it won't affect your baby now but it will in the future if you don't do anything about it, it is not rational

I was coming to say the same thing. This can happen in pregnancy. Ppocd and ppa are very real and can start before baby arrives so definitely talk to your midwife.

I very much felt like I couldn't fully relax until ds arrived and was in my arms after a few friends had difficult experiences and I didn't do the social media thing but I took bump pics for myself and I love that I have them now. I found myself having lots of intrusive thoughts after having baby and spoke to my hv (former midwife) about it and she was really fab and reassuring so they won't think you're crazy etc. It just means they'll keep an eye and it'll be flagged up for your community care when baby is here so you'll have good support as a safety net! Hopefully you won't need it and when baby is in your arms you'll be able to relax.

What I would say is I was really worried about sharing our news (we'd had loads of scares in first trimester). But eventually I had to bite the bullet and share because a)people knew anyway and b) i deserved to have excitement and enjoy it as well. And so do you.

You don't need to put anything on social media but I would tell your loved ones. It's a big experience and they'll want to be there to support and celebrate you in the run up.

This is a two-year-old thread. OP will have long had her baby by now.