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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Love for a second child

25 replies

alittlebitshy · 10/12/2007 19:33

Gosh I'm a wreck.

Been ttc for a year, had 2 early m/cs and am now pregnant again (v v sick this time, like with dd, so hoping this is it!). Now i'm pg I'm panicking that maybe we should have stuck with just dd. I keep remembering how badly i coped when she was a baby, and how our life is mostly, nice now.... She desperately wants a baby brother or sister, so I know this is for her as well as for us (i'm an only child so actually have views both ways lol!!!) - but now I am stressed that it will change everything too much etc etc. Will i be able to love another baby? What if, what if, what if....?

Is it my hormones speaking???

Someone reassure me.

It's just been us and dd for 4.5 years - it will have been over 5 years by the time (god willing) this baby comes........
ARGH

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

deaconblue · 10/12/2007 19:36

I'm pregnant with number 2 and keep feeling guilty that the baby's arrival will be such a bombshell for ds who will only be 2. I think that it's so important to have siblings, my sister is my best friend. you are doing something wonderful for your dd and there is no way you won't love your new baby. I reckon (and hoping!) that it's easier second time round too, so you are bound to cope better with the next one.
And...congratulations. Celebrate, stop stressing

NAB3littlemonkeys · 10/12/2007 19:38

When I was expecting number 2 I had moments where I didn't want this strange baby coming in to our nice little routine. I loved my first so much I didn't want anything to spoil it.

I now have 3 children. You have enough love for all of them.

My eldest argues and bickers with his sister every day but still says he would rather have his siblings than not.

mummyofgirls · 10/12/2007 19:40

Congratulations! The chaos that a baby brings is not as shocking the second time round IME. I also worried about hhavingng enough love for DD2. But I find that I love them very differently but just as much. Could be ur hormones!

FlossALump · 10/12/2007 19:43

Hi LBS - and big congratulations - what lovely news.

I've just had number two, there is a 2.10 age gap between my two so different. I think everyone has mixed feelings about having another - I was very keen for it and intentionally didn't worry about how it would all pan out - generally I find that things do.

I'm not going to say it isn't hard work because it is - but you will have one big help on your side - DD will be going to school! I'm finding that I am constantly torn between the two of them and at the moment DS only attends 8 hours of nursery.

Baby type things are easier, you worry less! DD is already on side wanting a new sibling. DS said he did too although I'm not convinced he knew what it would really mean. However, he does now and for the most part is very tolerant and loving towards DD ("DD you're bootiful!"). It will all be lovely, mostly! Good luck with your pregnancy. I hope you start feeling better soon!

wilbur · 10/12/2007 19:44

Littlebitshy - I was watching ds1 and dd from a distance at a party on Saturday - she was pinching his nose and he was laughing his head off, lost in their own silly sibling world. It was tremendously sweet seeing how special they are to each other. Yes, there are difficulties balancing the needs of more than one child, but you will certainly have enough love for them, and they will have it for each other. It's not like a pie where you have to give a smaller piece to each person when someone new comes along, you just get a whole new pie given to you. Congratulations on your pregancy and good luck with the rest of it.

FlossALump · 10/12/2007 19:44

Oh when we brought DD home from hospital at one day old DP cried because he felt bad for DS - now I think he loves that we are all a litle family together. It's lovely. I go all squishy inside thinking about it!

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 10/12/2007 19:44

It's a funny thing. You have one child and you love it with all your heart and you think that you couldn't possibly squeeze any more love out of it...and then along comes child number 2 and somehow, without taking away any of the love for no 1, you find yourself with a heartful of love for number 2.

I think you grow a second one, along with the baby!

You won't love them both the same way - they will be different people and you will love them equally but individually. you'll love both of them for their characters - which will be different!

And the sibling will find it hard at times - but they'll cope! you can help them but at the end of the day, siblings will be siblings, iykwim!

You will be knackered for the next 20 years - that's just called being a parent! (of 1, 2 or 10!!)

All will be well.

BeeWiseMen · 10/12/2007 19:44

if you think back, when you were pregnant with DD I bet you were worrying whether you would love her or be able to look after her properly and about the effect on your relationship with your dh. You'll be fine. Of course things will be different and difficult at times but they'll also be wonderful and easy at times.

It's the about-to-be-parents(again) who think that everything will be a breeze and nothing will change that really have something to worry about

feetheart · 10/12/2007 19:48

I remember being heavily pregnant with DS and watching DD sleep one night. I kept thinking 'Am I about to ruin your life?' and feeling awful.
They are now 4 and 2 and I wouldn't have it any other way, seeing DD's face when she first held her baby brother was worth it all on its own
They bicker like mad but play beautifully together as well and can really make each other laugh.
I don't think I've ruined her life - not by producing a sibling anyway!

Things will be different but you will be so much more relaxed/confident second time round. Good luck and enjoy it.

S1ur · 10/12/2007 19:58

Hekete absolutely right!

I had a difficult time when my ds was first born and so for me the love wasn't instant, but when it came it was every bit as overwhelming and complete as I feel for my dd. It is completely illogical that you can love two or more children so utterly and so diferently and so equally. but you can and do.

And when they are sweet together, it makes all squabbling worthwhile

WestCountryLass · 10/12/2007 21:16

It is your hormones!

Think of it likes this, you love your parents and your friends and DH/DP comes along and you love them too, you might get some pets and you love them and then a DB comes along and you love them too. There is no limit on how much you love someone or how many people you can love at one time it is an ever expanding thing

paulaplumpbottom · 10/12/2007 21:18

Our dds are the same age. I to have thought about just how we have finally gotten a bit of peace tht it will be shattered again in July. My dd wants a sibling as well. To be honest, I know its going to be hectic. I look at things long term. This baby will one day be 4.5 and I won't believe I ever thought I wouldn't manage. Don't worry, you'll cope to

AwayInAMunker · 10/12/2007 21:20

Oh, wow, ALBS! Congratulations!

Of course you'll love another baby. You love more than one person in your life, don't you?

And you'll love your DD in new and different ways for the way she is with her baby sibling as well.

fettleandbabyfettle · 10/12/2007 21:29

Alittlebitbitshy!

You could be me! I also have a DD whom I love so much and is so settled and I think what a wonderful life we have together as a family of 3.

I too have had 2 early-ish mc and when I found out I was pg again, I was filled with guilt as to what I was doing. What it would do to DD, our family etc and how could I possibly love another baby or add another being to our family, which was getting back to some normality as DD is 3.5.

However....DS was born 12 weeks ago and I can safely say that I can't imagine life without him. DD loves and adores him (she gets annoyed when he's screaming and she can't hear the TV or concentrate on her games, but that's the joy of siblings she'll have to get used to!!). I'm absolutely stunned how much I love my new DS and how my love for DD has actually grown as I watch how she reacts and dotes on him

So I would say definitely normal to feel this way, mixture of hormones and worry over mcs I would think. But I can vouch that it will be ok!

Congratulations, good luck and take care
xxx

imdreamingofawhiteKITTYmas · 10/12/2007 21:37

hello ALBS

I wrote the exact same thing when I was pregnant with DD2, how could I possibly love another one as much as her? It's true what everyone says your love suddenly just doubles overnight and you become a family and withing days you think how lonely it must have been with just the one. Your DD will be old enough to really help care for the new baby she will adore having a LO to big sister. My DD1 is 3 1/2 now and is desperate for another baby sister she already has decided she is feeding it and changing it's nappies and singing to it and it's called Rosie apparently

You will be fine and you will laugh at this thread this time next year

biggreypants · 10/12/2007 21:38

alittlebitshy - feel exactly the same! our dds are the same age mine really wanted little sister and have just found out i am having a boy ! thankfully she has taken it really well does nt seem too bothered just excited about a real baby!
I too am wondering what on earth i,ve done our life is much easier now she is older. dd is at school so i feel i have my life back, well some of it anyway!
Cant believe am doing this all over again i love the way i can devote all my time to her.
also feel like new mum all over cos its a boy this time which i just cant imagine.

seeker · 10/12/2007 21:39

There's 5 years between my two - they are now 6 and 11. And so far it's been brilliant. I felt all those doubting feeings when I was pregnant with number two, particulalry as number one had been the girl I wanted so much and we had a very close relationship. But now I can say that ds is the best thing that ever happened to all of us. He took the pressure of dd, if you see what I mean - she became less "watched" , and very quickly they became a team. I'm sure I've said here before that the first time she said "we" aand I realized she meant herself and ds, not herself and me ws a huge and wonderful, if scary moment!

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 10/12/2007 21:49

so many lovely words here

OP posts:

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 10/12/2007 22:12

I never knew how I could love another child - DD was angelic and wonderful and I wondered if another child would spoil the balance.

Now they are 8 and 6 - I hear them playing schools together or she reads to DS sitting in bed together or she rubs his hair and kisses him when she goes into school and it makes my heart break with happiness! I am blessed, you will be too.

LyraSilvertinsel · 10/12/2007 22:22

There's plenty of love to go around.
Before DS2 arrived I didn't think I could love another baby as much. But I absolutely adore my sweet gorgeous DS2. I'm sure it would be the same if I had a third too.

coby · 10/12/2007 22:35

When I was in labour with DD2 my midwife told me 'of course it hurts you're growing grow another heart too you know' and I think that sums it up pretty well.

I totally agree with feetheart - that's exactly how things have been for our family.

I spent my whole second pregnancy worrying about the impact of having DD2 would have on our happy little unit (much more than I ever worried about the effect DD1 would have). DD2 is actually a very difficult baby and she was born at a very difficult time for us but all was fine. It is easier second time round..honest

I am now pregnant with DC3 and I am so glad I am much more relaxed about the impact this time round because the worry I had during DD2's pregnancy was awful.

Blame it all on your hormones, all this worrying is happening because you already love your DC2 and you'll realise that whem he or she is born - if you don't already

Tommy · 10/12/2007 22:43

another one here who worried that I wouldn't love DS2 as much DS1 and that DS1 would miss out.

I have to be honest and say that having DS2 made me love DS1 more (if that were possible!)

Now I have DS3 who came with his own huge parcel of love - enough for all of us

cluelessnchaos · 10/12/2007 22:46

Hsving dd2 was the happiest time of my life and just reading your post made me smile remembering the easy rush of love I had for her,

Ozymandius · 10/12/2007 22:48

Everyone feels like this. Honestly they do. But it's great. Have three. You have enough love for ten.

CloudAtlas · 10/12/2007 22:55

The minute you meet the new baby, you will not remember a world without him/her. You will be amazed at how you could love someone you have only just met as much as you love your dd, but you will, and what's more wonderful than anything else is that in time your dd will too.
Huge congratulations.

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