Mum of two … pregnant … and separating?

[Coffee4ever]

Hello

I am really looking for some advice , I don’t know if anyone has been in a similar situation to me… but I don’t no what to do.

I have 2 DS’s (5 & 2) . I have been with my partner for almost 10 years

Recently we decided to try for a third baby which we had been doing for the past 6 months

Over the last month things had broken down between us but we have been working through it

I feel like it’s a combination of things feeling stale/ money worries/ living and working together under one roof etc, always seeming to disagree on things.

But the arguments have been more frequent and it’s not felt like a happy home

So I hadn’t been falling pregnant over the 6 months (it had taken me only 1 month with my last 2) so I was a bit shocked but thought maybe it’s not going to happen this time

So we kinda stopped trying about a month ago due mostly to the arguments etc

And guess what, I found out I was pregnant 3 days ago and I think I’m around 5 /6 weeks

At first he was happy , I was happy with the news

But then reality kicked back in and last night it came to blows and we both admitted we are not happy

He now wants to separate and for me to get an abortion and I don’t no what to do.

I told him I didn’t want to abort the pregnancy, especially as this wasn’t really a ‘mistake’ and being a mum now I don’t know how this sits with me on a maternal level.

I had an abortion 10 years ago (with the same partner) because we had only been together a couple months, he wasn’t working etc etc … it wasn’t the right time for a baby, and the guilt haunted me for years

We now have 2 beautiful boys who I couldn’t imagine life without

But I don’t no what to do for the best.

There’s so many things going through my head , will he treat this baby differently because he ‘doesn’t want it’ … how will I cope money wise … how will I cope after birth (as it will have to be a planned c section) how will I get my son to school not being able to drive etc …

My partner is a very spiteful person when you are on the wrong side of him and parenting with him hasn’t been an easy ride even with my boys, so I no he will try and make my life as hard as possible. He will not be an easy co parent.

I’m really torn and have been up most of the night worrying about it.

I no this may sound silly but I’ve already told my 2 best friends, my mum and my boss that I’m pregnant … I don’t want to have to tell them I’ve decided to have an abortion and upset anyone
The most important of all is my 5 years old son knows and is excited he will be having another brother or sister. I do not want to hurt him.

My other half said i need to think logically and stop acting like a spoiled brat and just have the abortion as I will be wrong bringing a new baby into a mess of a broken home

Is he right?

@Coffee4ever
Just tell him to pack his bags and it won't a mess of a broken home, just a broken home but that's fine kids adjust and will be perfectly happy.

Do not let him make you do something you don't want to do.

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this and hope you have a good support network around you away from your husband. Obviously just my opinion but I think he’s being totally unfair, if anyone is being the brat it’s him. Listen to your gut and do what you think is right for you. Sounds like you’re a great mum and this baby will be loved by you and your children very much. Dads are sometimes overrated anyway!

If you don't want an abortion, don't let him talk you into one! I'm totally pro-choice but it needs to be your choice.

Please dont do the decisions JUST to please him he can go f.h. if he gonna be spjteful over a baby etc. If he doesnt want it tell him to leave. Youll be fine! Theres lots of help for single moms! Dont EVER sacrafice for a stupid man who wants to leave u exactly now. Tell him u wont put his name in the birth certificate and u dont want any help with money for that baby and he can count it as not his. I'm so fed up with stupid men u have no idea . He'll go find another woman next make more kids and you'll forever regret aborting. What for. Have the baby!

Thank you all ladies , I’m keeping the baby and going to do it with or without him ❤️

For what it’s worth I think you’ve made the right decision, I could tell you want this baby, and you’d regret an abortion forever. Good luck with your pregnancy

@Coffee4ever So glad to see your latest update. Like others have said, you should not be pressured into an abortion by him, thats not on.

I'm 38w and haven't had a great pregnancy due to a relationship breakdown. Look into what you are will be able to receive on entitledto.com you can put the new baby on there too and it will give you a rough indication of what you will have to live on without your partner in the picture. This is what I did, and actually it made it feel like an easier decision for me, to see that actually we would be ok financially.

Good luck.

@Coffee4ever good for you! Wish you all the best with your pregnancy 💗

How will you manage to go back to work as a single parent? To be honest as a mum I would consider how this with affect both your kids considering your youngest is only 2 years old. I think you were too hasty to to tell your manager you are pregnant without considering these things.

@Alwayswantedasmegf

How will you manage to go back to work as a single parent? To be honest as a mum I would consider how this with affect both your kids considering your youngest is only 2 years old. I think you were too hasty to to tell your manager you are pregnant without considering these things.

I work from home, and I do this now with my eldest at school and my youngest goes to nursery and to my mums.. I’ve been working and being a mum for the past 5 years, that won’t be an issue for me.