Using disabled/ mother and baby toilets when pregnant?

[Floralflee]

I know this is a controversial one. Last week I was out and about and stopped for a drink at Starbucks. I also needed the loo. There were two toilets - regular and disabled/mother and baby. I'm heavily pregnant and getting to that point where a sneeze when I need the loo = have to go home to avoid public humiliation. There was no queue but the person who went into the regular loo seemed to be having a bit of a hard time and had spent a looooong time in there. The disabled was free but I didn't use it. Eventually someone walked past me and into the disabled loo. When he came out, the gentleman in the regular toilet was still in there and I was getting pretty damn desperate. So I went to use the disabled/mother and baby loo as I couldn't hold it any longer. The man who had just come out grabbed the door, pulled it off me and said "No, that's for disabled people only" and slammed it shut. He then just stood there and I could say nothing more but "Oh!". He stood, clearly waiting for me to try it again, for about 30 seconds then seemed to get bored and walked off but continued to watch me from his table. A few minutes later, the lady that had been sitting at his table walked past me and used the loo.

Luckily, after about a 8-10 minute wait, the regular toilet became available and I think I was just in time before I wet myself!

Was I in the wrong here? I appreciate that disabled toilets are for disabled people but from what I could see, this was a larger, multi-function toilet. I completely understand I am not disabled and being pregnant is absolutely a choice and not even remotely In the same realm as having a disability in terms of need but if there was no line and no disabled person waiting to use the toilet, would I have been in the wrong for using it to prevent wetting myself?

Personally I think it's fine- you're definitely mother and baby! The man was completely out of order- absolutely no way he can tell whether you have a disability from looking at you.

I there was no queue of disabled people, or mothers waiting to change babies then I see no problem, but I have seen visibly disabled people get very irate at non-visibly disabled people before for using disabled toilets. This man would have had no way of knowing you were not someone with an invisible disability.

One of my friends mother's had a colostomy bag and some years ago when I was out with my friend her mum joined us. She needed to change it, which she did in the disabled toilet, she was then shouted at by a person in a wheelchair when she came out, she told them that she was disabled but it was not obviously visible to them and they told her "fuck off, this toilet is not for people like you", she said that abuse for using disabled toilets when not visibly disabled was not that rare.

The man was out of order. Not sure I would have been as polite as you.

Not all disabilities are visible...remember that. If it happens again, you can just say you have a hidden disability.

One of my friends does and it was her who initially highlighted the "invisible disability" thing to me.

In fairness, accessible toilets should be left as much as possible for those that need them. However, they are still a loo and it isn't in anyone's interest to have some wet or mess themselves in public.

I'm a carer for my son. He's 12 now and I can't take him into the ladies. He's too vulnerable to leave in the men's alone, nor would he go without me.

So I take him into the accessible loo. No other way for it really.

Any complaints would get short shift.

Wow, that guy was out of order! I wonder if he does it to everyone, or if he only did it because he could see you were pregnant? Which is ridiculous as you could be pregnant with an invisible disability!

I actually have noticed more places now have a sign on the door saying ‘not all disabilities are visible’ on disabled toilets to try and address this (I actually first noticed it in a Nando’s of all places!).

I’ve used disabled toilets since being pregnant - although I do try to be as quick as I can, so if someone is waiting it won’t be long.

I’ve also used the gents! I was at a national trust place, and who ever was in the ladies had been in there ages. When I got there the gents was being cleaned, but when the cleaner was done they waved me in the gents so I didn’t have to wait any longer!

An accessible toilet is one that is accessible for people with disabilities it does not mean that no one person can ever use it. obv if a disabled person comes along they get priority but otherwise there's no harm in other people using it.

That man had no idea whether you had a disability or not and it was none of his business. i would have told him to f-off. Was he in a wheelchair or was it more "do as i say not what i do?"

The guy was an arse. As long as there was no one else waiting to use it and you didn't take an excessively long time I see no problem. I fractured my back in July (whilst pregnant) and used the disabled toilet because I needed the hand rails to get up and down without excruciating pain. If I was standing you wouldn't have known to look at me that there was anything wrong.

There are plenty of disabling conditions that can affect a pregnant women. I remember the milli vanilli bakery at the flower markets toilet said out of order but the woman at the counter saw how pregnant I was and came out to let me use it- it was refilling very slowly apparently so couldn’t handle the market crowd. He was an asshole, who knew he was bigger and scarier than a pregnant woman.

He was entirely in the wrong. The fact he stood there and stared at you was so weirdly controlling. How dare he? Unless there was someone with a disability just about to use the loo, you should have had access to it.

I am both pregnant and have an invisible disability that means toilets are an important part of my life (Crohn's disease, and the urgency is real).

I would not begrudge a pregnant woman on the brink of wetting herself using the disabled loo. Just be as quick as you can and tell any nasty people to mind their own damned business.

Absolute arsehole and he had no right to be acting as the disability police.

Well he sounds like a barrel of laughs. You have the right to use that toilet. I also do it if I have the pram and it doesn't fit in the regular toilets

He was a dick. I don't make a habit of using the disabled toilet as I'm not disabled but in the situation you describe if I was desperate I would use it if the ordinary toilet wasn't available for an extended length of time.

Needs must. If there were no disabled people queuing, I'd have definitely told him to get stuffed. You are mother and baby, after all.

I'd have told him to mind his own damn business and if he wanted to stop me using the loo, as a heavily pregnant woman, I'd have peed on his feet!

An accessible toilet is one that is accessible for people with disabilities it does not mean that no one person can ever use it. obv if a disabled person comes along they get priority but otherwise there's no harm in other people using it.

Totally agree with is. As long as you were not preventing a disabled person using it there is no harm and I would have done the same.
And agree with PPs not all disabilities are visible

He was an arse. As someone with an invisible disability, I can confirm that judgement for using disabled toilets is very real, including from grumpy parents who want to use the baby changing mat, and random strangers who think you should join the queue with everyone else.

When I can be bothered, I flash my blue radar key in the hope that next time they'll be more open minded, and also won't end up feeling hard done by and just use it themselves.next time.

That guy was a dick
I've seen so many regular people use the accessible toilets without any additional needs and nobody bat an eyelid, never encountered the toilet police. Our local asda has put locks on them to prevent it happening, we have our own key for these type of door locks in our nappy bag.

I have a hidden disability in the form of colitis so use a disabled toilet. I certainly wouldn’t have any issues having a pregnant person use it the only thing I would hope is that if I was there waiting that they wouldn’t try and jump the queue before me.