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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Falling pregnant young and in new job

22 replies

Rosie231081 · 15/10/2021 07:35

Hi all, just need abit of a pick me up or some advice. I am 21 years old and have always wanted to have kids young, my boyfriend who is 23 is the exact same. I’ve recently got a job working in a school as a TA. I’m not planning on having a baby any time soon as I’ve just started the job and I just know that wouldn’t be a good thing to do. But within the next year or 2 I really do want to start to try - but I can’t help but feel like people will judge me, as I am a very petite girl who does not look 21!! I am still quite new and haven’t made many friends as I find it is difficult and it seems everyone has their cliques which is hard. Some advice would be really great xx

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sexesam · 15/10/2021 07:37

Sod every one else and make the decision to stop contraception when you are both ready. I would advise being in a job long enough to gain any additional may leave benefits but if you both want kids young go for it.

girlmom21 · 15/10/2021 07:38

Have kids whenever you're ready. Fuck what anyone else thinks. Try not to get sucked in to cliques. Keep your work friends at arms length.

ImInStealthMode · 15/10/2021 07:42

I wouldn't worry about it from a work point of view, other than making sure you've been there long enough to receive the best amount of mat leave etc.

So long as you've got a secure home of your own, some money in the bank to fall back on and a plan for childcare/financial management going forwards, they're the more important factors.

Sleepyquest · 15/10/2021 07:44

At least wait 6 months so you will benefit from better maternity pay
Fwiw I got pregnant 4 months into my new job. Life's too short to worry about what your colleagues may think. Mine were happy for me I'm not 21 though so had less time to play with.

crimsonlake · 15/10/2021 09:36

I would stop worrying about how others perceive you and just do your job to the best of your ability. No doubt most staff will have been there years and know each other well. Some schools describe themselves as very welcoming but are the exact opposite, it will improve the longer you are there.
Have that baby when you are ready, put aside what others may think.

MintyCedric · 15/10/2021 09:42

Your job is your job, your life is your life.

Do what you want to when you're ready and don't worry what others think.

I worked in a school for many years and we had a fair few members of staff join us and immediately announce they were pregnant and off on maternity leave in 6 months, in one case, never to return.

It caused a few eye rolls admittedly, but you deciding to start your family after a couple years in position really won't cause a flicker of an eyelid.

JudgementalCactus · 15/10/2021 09:48

Your brain isn't even fully matured before 25. Why this rush?

babyboybluex · 15/10/2021 09:51

I fell pregnant with my first at 22 in a new job and everyone were great about it, although, the setup and way the staff were treated wasn't great hence why I moved on after maternity leave to a new role and I'm 9 weeks pregnant (I've been in this role for 9 months and now 24)!

It has been the best decision ever and I am so happy being a young mummy! If it's what you want, go for it and hold your head high no matter what x

Original poster

Rosie231081 · 15/10/2021 09:55

Can’t thank you enough for all your lovely messages!! It was just the pick me up that I needed - thank you, all of you xx

OP posts:

vickyc90 · 15/10/2021 09:57

I was 23, newly qualified and found out I was 28 weeks pregnant 3 months into a new job. I'm still there 8 years later and it's fine.

HelpMeWithMyHip · 15/10/2021 10:01

I had my first at 21 and second at 23. Everyone was really happy both times. Nothing mentioned about my age either time. You need to live your life for you. If you're ready and can afford it then go for it and sod everyone else.

I'm 31 now and having kids when I did was the best decision for us as far as I am concerned.

Time40 · 15/10/2021 10:23

If you can afford it, I think it's a great idea. Your fertility is better than it will be when you're older. You have much, much more energy than you will when you're older. You will have your child (or children) in your life for longer. When your children are older, you will be able to concentrate on your career without having to take a damaging career-break. Go for it!

Herja · 15/10/2021 10:39

I had my first at 21 in a job I'd been in for a year. Did leave work after (NMW and not a career type job), but I have trained and trained since and should move into a career job next year (placement just confirmed!), which is still younger than most of the people I know personally...

I have no regrets whatsoever. Had my second at 23. They are 7 and 9 now and the absolute light of my life. The friends who didn't have their children young seem to have spent the time partying and traveling- I have never liked either particularly, so haven't missed out. My children have brought me enormous joy, so I couldn't give a shit about the judgement I have had (quite a bit actually, mostly with baby groups, midwives, HV and at pre school. Less so now they are bigger - now I get envy that I will be 41 when the kids are 18).

Never live your life to fit other people's opinions. That way a shit, unsatisfactory life lies.

Chelyanne · 15/10/2021 11:01

We had our 1st when we were 19 & 21, never experienced negativity due to our age. Got more comments on my age with newest addition, I was 36 when we told people and 37 at birth.

rathernotshare · 15/10/2021 11:14

I wish we had started younger. We started trying at 25 (we were waiting until after our wedding) and it took 2 years to get pregnant. I always dreamed of being a young mum and I'll be having my first (hopefully) at 28. But if you're overly worried about what others think, you might not be ready!

Dragongirl10 · 15/10/2021 11:29

Afraid l am going against the grain here and say please try and get secure housing first if at all possible, could you not go all out and aim to buy an (even tiny property) first?
As we all know it is very, very hard to buy a home after dcs, and what seems fine in your 20's ( juggling dcs, work and the uncertainty of renting) is not as appealing in your 40's.

There is an ideal set of circumstances at the moment with historically low interest rates, and some 90-95 % mortgages.....

If you are mature enough to have children, you need to be mature enough to think of their security until 18. It sounds like you are but please put some serious thought into how you would manage if your partner left you with young children, could you keep a roof over your heads?

Chelyanne · 15/10/2021 13:14

It's not impossible to buy after having children, we bought our house when our eldest was a year old.

HelpMeWithMyHip · 15/10/2021 13:21

@Chelyanne

It's not impossible to buy after having children, we bought our house when our eldest was a year old.

Same here. We purchased our first home when I was 29. Kids were 6 and 8. If I hadn't been made redundant we'd never have been able to.

JudgementalCactus · 15/10/2021 13:48

@Dragongirl10 didn't say impossible, she said very very hard. Which you can't really argue against. How are the following two situations comparable in any way?

Saving for a deposit when you're established in a career and don't have childcare and nappies and a gazillion other baby expenses to pay for

Saving for a deposit when you're fresh out of school and supporting a kid on entry level salaries

Just because it worked out for some doesn't make it wise or advisable!

HelpMeWithMyHip · 15/10/2021 13:52

[quote JudgementalCactus]@Dragongirl10 didn't say impossible, she said very very hard. Which you can't really argue against. How are the following two situations comparable in any way?

Saving for a deposit when you're established in a career and don't have childcare and nappies and a gazillion other baby expenses to pay for

Saving for a deposit when you're fresh out of school and supporting a kid on entry level salaries

Just because it worked out for some doesn't make it wise or advisable![/quote]
Having an established career isn't the aim for a lot of people. Me and DP didn't go to uni and both had jobs with an ok income in our 20s.

fanjosaysi · 15/10/2021 13:59

[quote JudgementalCactus]@Dragongirl10 didn't say impossible, she said very very hard. Which you can't really argue against. How are the following two situations comparable in any way?

Saving for a deposit when you're established in a career and don't have childcare and nappies and a gazillion other baby expenses to pay for

Saving for a deposit when you're fresh out of school and supporting a kid on entry level salaries

Just because it worked out for some doesn't make it wise or advisable![/quote]

I mean... it's not really any harder than for anyone else. Kids are expensive if you want to maintain your old lifestyle.

If you're at home/work most of the week, not going on holiday and nights out... it's not that much. If you're going enough to have grandparents eager to do childcare, or you take time off work... buy second hand or get hand me downs from daily/friends

It's really not like people say it is, very much possible especially outside of London

MazIsWin22 · 15/10/2021 15:20

As above posters have said, have kids when YOU are ready. I had my daughter at 21 & fell pregnant again at 22. Some people wait until they are 30/40. Its about when you want to dedicate your life to your little human(s). People will always have stuff to say no matter what age you decide to have kids, or how you got pregnant or how soon after you get pregnant again etc, just brush it off and soak up the joy!

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