Is it too late?

[scats83]

I'm driving myself crazy thinking over some things and would appreciate some advice/thoughts.

I'm current 38 and DH IS 35 We have a DS who is 3 1/2. I've been thinking a lot lately about how realistic it is for us to plan for another. I always imagined if I had kids I would have two. Whenever DH and I talk about it, we always say, if it doesn't happen then we're happy with just having our DS, but I hate the thought of him growing up lonely and having a small family when he's older. However, there are issues that weigh heavily on my mind when thinking about another baby.

Not only am I in my late 30s, but VERY overweight. The though of losing enough weight to be healthy enough/less risky pregnancy in a short space of time just feels overwhelming.

I suffer with anxiety and it hit me hard when I had DS, and went through a few months when he was a baby of not being able to leave the house.

I love our DS more than anything, but his behaviour can be very challenging. We are working with the pre-school and health visitor to work on things, but I often think, will I want to go through this again in my 40s?

Add in to the mix I have just left my job of 7 years to start something new, so maternity benefits wouldn't fully kick in for another year. By then I'll be 39, expecting a baby at 40?

On one hand I love the idea of having another little to complete our family, and fear that I will always wonder 'what if?'

But on the other hand, geez, it feels that everything is against it.

Any thoughts ideas greatly appreciated, particularly from older / overweight mums

How overweight are you?
I had 2 pregnancies at around 15½ stones and had a normal pregnancy/birth with both

You would be able to get at the very least Maternity Allowance if not SMP depending on whether you were working in your new job before you got pregnant

You are running out of time tbh so if you want another baby then you might find it's now or never

The age is not the problem at all. You’re plenty young enough to have another child.

It just doesn’t sound like you’re sold on the idea? Do you want to go through another pregnancy?

It depends on your individual fertility. I had our DD at 35 and am now pregnant with baby 2 at 40. I'm a bit bigger - size 18 - but that's not caused any issues so far; they just do extra monitoring of growth and blood pressure. But I know that feeling that the clock is ticking.

Thank you all for your replies.

I'm 18 1/2 stone, size 22, and feel unhealthy with it I was 15 1/2 stone when I fell pregnant with DS and we had lots of extra checks. I know approaching 40 can make pregnancy more risky anyway without the weight issues.

It's not that I don't want another little one, I really do, but I guess I'm just worried if I'll cope mentally and physically. I never expected that I would find being a Mum quite so tough I guess.

I suppose what I'm wondering if I'm just overthinking it or if my concerns at justified. Should I just go for it and stop catastrophizing? I feel maybe my concerns about it all are holding me back from getting my ass in gear to lose weight and get healthy in preparation.

Sorry for the anxiety loaded brain dump!

My advice would be not to overthink and not to have a date in mind. Even if you conceived month 1 with your DS that doesn't mean you will this time regardless of when you start trying. So, change your diet and exercise more if you want to loose the weight, if DS is in preschool now that should make it a bit easier. If you have only just started a new job then maybe keep using contraception for a few months while you mull over the idea of another one as you do sound a little undecided. That will also give DS time to settle into preschool. Then at some point stop using contraception. You don't need to try to get pregnant because you want a child IYSWIM. Just...see what happens! If it takes you 6 months then that's 6 more months at work, 6 months at a healthier lifestyle maybe. DS will be older and I guess starting school next September so that may make having 2 easier.
Good luck with your journey.