I'm 39 but friends don't have children

[Skinnymuffins]

Hi all

I had my children very young, and at the time none of my friends had any children so it was a bit isolating.

I left my partner over 10 years ago, and we have a great relationship and the kids 50/50. So I've had a lot of time to myself also, time to date, hang out with friends etc.

My new partner and I have fallen pregnant while using the implant at 39 so it's a bit of a shock! But we're so happy.

It just so happens though that none of my friends are in relationships and they're all yearning for babies. I don't feel like I can talk to any of them about the excitement of pregnancy. They're aged between 35 and 40 and I feel like it's going to be isolating yet again having friends who don't have children, but this time it will be even worse as they really want children and they've spoken to me about feeling like their time is running out to meet someone and get pregnant. I don't want to rub it in their faces and I'm just feeling a bit lonely. And I'm only 6+2 right now!

Anyone else gone through anything similar?

Hello!

I'm 37 and due my first baby in April.

My best friends don't have children and either aren't in a relationship, or not in a healthy one. I held back from talking about my pregnancy and was quite flippant about it when I would speak to them - I could honestly cringe when I think back to how I was. One originally made a comment that she would prefer I didn't speak about it too much, but ended up coming forward nearer my 12 week scan, asking lots of questions and she has made it clear she wants to be involved (even postponing a long holiday to meet the little one first) whilst the other turned toxic. Two very different reactions showing how everyone is different, so just be you

@Lauren0902 ah thanks for that. One was really honest but lovely and said it stings a bit (not specifically me but when she hears people she knows getting pregnant) but was fab getting in touch asking how the scan went this week (when it's next week) - so she's being lovely and I'm pleased she's told me it stings a bit so I don't go OTT on the information.

Sorry to hear some of your friends have gone really toxic - it's such a shame as when they do have babies they might realise how they've been.

It just feels a bit lonely as I usually celebrate so much with them and it feels like now I can only celebrate what they already have 😬

It’s tricky isn’t it when people are on different timelines to you. Have had similar in reverse friends having them young and me not being as interested at 18. I was planning to go off to university and only stayed in contact with one friend who had them young. Now pregnant for first time at 32 and it’s a mixed bag! I have a few who are just having them but not in the area (apart from one) and plenty not having them yet so do feel a bit distant with them weirdly as they can’t relate as much. I also have friends who at getting past 40 and it’s become a real thing for them so I feel very conscious and actually told them last. Luckily one has met someone recently so it’s taken the sting out but I do think it’s a time of change with friendships. Hopefully lots of opportunities to meet a few new Mum friends at some groups?

@Hotcrossbunsinbed

It’s tricky isn’t it when people are on different timelines to you. Have had similar in reverse friends having them young and me not being as interested at 18. I was planning to go off to university and only stayed in contact with one friend who had them young. Now pregnant for first time at 32 and it’s a mixed bag! I have a few who are just having them but not in the area (apart from one) and plenty not having them yet so do feel a bit distant with them weirdly as they can’t relate as much. I also have friends who at getting past 40 and it’s become a real thing for them so I feel very conscious and actually told them last. Luckily one has met someone recently so it’s taken the sting out but I do think it’s a time of change with friendships. Hopefully lots of opportunities to meet a few new Mum friends at some groups?

True, maybe some friendships are destined to come to and end this way and new ones will develop from mums groups.

I've resigned myself to the fact that if the friendships are that good they'll survive it but if they don't I guess we're in different places in life and it just won't work. A bit sad though and scary changing friends 😩

Yeah if they are good friends they will be there for you and you can try and do some things with them when you feel comfortable to share. I think as you already have kids they will have you in a Mum category anyway and it won’t change things too much. The first trimester is more isolating as in general you’ve not shared yet and feel tired so you socialise less. I had a fair bit of change with friendships before the pregnancy which was shocking I had best friends I thought were friends for life but after a major incident with one (I won’t go into that as it’s a whole different story) we all drifted apart. It was hard but now feel more self reliant and very grateful for my other friends. It is different now as I wouldn’t normally go a few weeks without seeing my friends but I am busy with my own life and I know the good ones will be there. I am also excited at who will come into my life as you never know what is around the corner. A new chapter opens for us as one closes. Look after yourself during this time xx