I feel really sad and can’t stop crying

[Mama2Be2021xx]

I think I’m just having a hormonal night but I just feel so down and need to vent or speak to people who’ll get me.

I don’t think my DP understands how much pregnancy affects the body and mind, he just sees it as we’re having a baby. And for him that is the case he will just become a dad while I go through so many changes and will continue to do so!

I’ve been worrying lately about the stress of a baby on a relationship. Me and DP have a fantastic relationship but he is a closed book and one thing I’m really trying to work on is communicating, specifically him being more open with emotions etc.

Amongst worrying about all the usual things (giving birth, will I be a good mother, do we have everything for baby blah blah blah) I’m just so worried what if the stress splits us up? Which I know is a stupid worry but I adore my DP and never want to lose him, especially after we made this baby with love.

Someone please reassure me that babies don’t always have negative effects on relationships? I’ve spent months stressing about this to the point where I ashamedly thought “should I have gotten pregnant”

I’m probably be dramatic (I say as I’m sat here crying over everything and anything) but just some reassurance would be nice. Hormones are all over the place for me today I’ve been so down

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP how far along are you?

Honesty is always the best policy in relationships, tell him everything that's on your mind. You should be able to do that.

Suggest to me him you set one evening after tea aside to 'learn' about pregnancy and baby development in the womb and when born. What to expect website does weekly videos, watch these with him.

I sometimes read out mumsnet posts to my DH to discuss what we would do if it were us etc what our opinions would be on certain events etc maybe do this.

You need to put your foot down with him a little more and explain clearly the effect that pregnancy has on you. He is there to support you and remind him of this.

@PerfectPrepPrincess thank you. I am 30 weeks now.

I told him and he seemed to get it slightly but doesn’t at the same time? When I mentioned this to my mum she said my dad was exactly like that and men can just be a bit thoughtless sometimes.

I will try and emphasise a bit more how this is a major thing for me and how I’m a bit (lot) nervous

I can talk to him about anything but yes emotion wise he doesn’t like emotional chats or expressing emotion he’s always been like that. Which doesn’t really bother me but like I said due to a baby about to enter our lives I would like that communication barrier down as everyone says you need amazing communication to get through it

My DH sounds a lot like yours. I’ll be honest about my experience and I hope it isn’t unhelpful

• but our baby had a negative effect on our marriage for about the first 6 months. The sleep deprivation, the shock of the change, the stress, I felt resentment towards him because my life had been turned upside down and his hadn’t, etc.

I can’t speak for other people but I think that’s quite common. Some of the best advice I got given was don’t make any major relationship decisions for at least 12 months after having a child (barring abuse, obviously).

But since around the 6-8 month mark - when sleep improved dramatically and we both started to find our feet with parenting a bit more - our marriage has been significantly stronger than it was pre-baby. So no I really don’t think a baby is necessarily bad for a relationship.

Which doesn’t really bother me but like I said due to a baby about to enter our lives I would like that communication barrier down as everyone says you need amazing communication to get through it

Don't put pressure on you or him. My DH is like this and I'm pretty certain most men are, not all obviously, but most. You get through. It's survival for the first month or two then baby starts sleeping longer and it gets better. Respect goes both ways so if you're already respectful to each other no need to worry.

I'd say me and DH are stronger because of baby as we've had to pull together too survive and get through the "bad" days, they're not really bad just hard tbh. We've squabbled though, never did before baby but that's the extent of any negativity. You'll be fine Xx