Surprise pregnancy

[nicole1144]

Hello everyone,

Last year I decided to have an abortion after finding out that I was pregnant with my boyfriend. It came as an utter shock! I have polycystic ovary syndrome so I honestly believed that it would be super hard for me to fall pregnant unless I was really trying.

When I found out I had so many mixed emotions, part of me was excited and wanting to keep the baby. The other half was scared and confused. My boyfriend coped very badly with it. He turned to going out and getting drunk almost every weekend and leaving me upset by myself.

He told me if I was to have the child that I would be ruining his life. As I sat there and cried almost every evening that he was at mine (which wasn't many) he would just look at me in such a detached way, he wouldn't even hug or comfort me.

Before my boyfriend had a say, before anyone did, part of me really wanted to keep the baby. I almost felt pressured into having the abortion and even to this day it effects me.

... now this evening, I took a pregnancy test as I'm late on my period and I'm pregnant again! With him! Of course I've had the same reaction, "I want to wait till I'm settled" "I'm not ready" "I want to be financially stable" "this will ruin me" "I don't want it" etc.

Now part of me was happy to see the positive result and the other half of me felt pure dread as I knew what his reaction would be. I'm so torn between everything. I love him and I don't want to ruin his life. But I also want the baby and don't want to go through an abortion again as I had a really bad reaction (ended up in hospital) and it was also just so mentally upsetting for me!

Please help, I need some advice!
Thank you X

[quote nicole1144]@ReadyForMaternityLeave do you know what trying for a baby is 😂 CLEARLY NOT. I know I've been irresponsible do I need to be told again by 100 Karen's on Mumsnet? Did I make this post to get slated? No I did not. All I wanted was some advice for a sensitive situation and all I've received is vile abuse. It's actually disgusting. We're women, we're meant to have each other's backs in these situations, not be absolute ass holes. But thanks for your amazing advice! Go stick it up ur ass xxx[/quote]
I'm sorry but I stand by what I said - if you both decided that neither of you were to use contraception, then you were trying for a baby. Unprotected sex is how they're made The fact you've had an unplanned pregnancy before shows that it's so easy to happen.

The advice I gave you was to make the choice for yourself and I meant that - if you want this baby then go ahead with the pregnancy, although possibly be prepared to do it alone if your BF doesn't step up. Don't have another termination that YOU don't want.

[quote Derbee]@nicole1144 you haven’t had any vile abuse. You’re clearly feeling sensitive if you feel that’s the case. Claiming you didn’t know you could get pregnant with PCOS doesn’t wash the second time.

Keep the baby if you want to, have a termination if you want to. But it’s not emotionally or physically sustainable to use abortion as contraception[/quote]
@Derbee I forgot you knew my whole life story 🤣

[quote nicole1144]@Whstdoyouthink after the abortion I wanted to be pregnant again straight away. I felt lost. I've honestly felt that way ever since. I guess I thought his mind would change the second time. I'm happy to do things by myself, I just don't want my head to be swayed this time by his opinions. [/quote]
So you got pregnant on purpose this time, OP?

[quote nicole1144]@Derbee no I was not trying lol, we both decided not to use any contraception. I've tried the pill and everything else and nothing worked for me. We never had sex round my ovulation period either. I knew there was always a small possibility but as I said I have polycystic ovary syndrome so I thought it would be extremely hard for me- as I've been told. [/quote]
Lol, what do you call "not using contraception"? I call it trying for a baby.

Horribly immature and irresponsible, the both of you!

Just to keep you guys updated. I've decided to go through with it! I am really excited. I've had lots of support in the last 24hours from all my friends and family and I'm feeling really good about it all, even if I have to go through it alone! I've been in child care for coming up to 9 years now, so I think I know a tad about taking care of a little one 🤣🥰.

Thank you to those who sent lovely comments, it really cheered me up❤️ & to the ones who didn't, you can all do one 😊

Wow, you’ve been working in childcare since you were 14? That’s erm impressive. You live with your parents, and you have a low paying job. Good luck with everything, you’re going to need it.

@Derbee

Wow, you’ve been working in childcare since you were 14? That’s erm impressive. You live with your parents, and you have a low paying job. Good luck with everything, you’re going to need it.

She probably means babysitting or helping with younger siblings

@JudgementalCactus well if she does, that is equally ridiculous

She sounds like a very silly girl, who hasn’t thought any of this through. And has tried to manipulate an unwilling boyfriend into going along with a pregnancy that she probably planned. It’s all very distasteful

@Derbee @JudgementalCactus actually I have a level 3 in childcare and have worked in three different nurseries but yeah!! Think what you want, you all clearly have very boring and very sad lives to be commenting such foul things on a pregnant women's post! I feel for you both 🤣🤣

@JudgementalCactus yeah I have done some babysitting as well! (For theresa may's coworker) got paid an arm and a leg 🤣

@Derbee

She sounds like a very silly girl, who hasn’t thought any of this through. And has tried to manipulate an unwilling boyfriend into going along with a pregnancy that she probably planned. It’s all very distasteful

Imagine bullying a pregnant women over the internet 😅😅 you need severe help. Do you want me to give you my therapists details?

@Derbee

Wow, you’ve been working in childcare since you were 14? That’s erm impressive. You live with your parents, and you have a low paying job. Good luck with everything, you’re going to need it.

I also forgot to say that I do microblading as well some weekends. Which is £300 an hour. I just have big ambition and wish to earn more. Unlike u who probs had children to get a house on the council x

I understand you OP. I got pregnant by mistake 2 years ago, and was low key delighted even tho my new boyfriend of 6 months was clearly not. I booked a abortion clinic appointment to keep him happy, knowing full well I’d never go through with it. The day before the appointment, I had a miscarriage. And we both sat on the bathroom floor crying. I will get it to my boyfriend, he was very supportive.

But ever since I have longed to be pregnant again, even though my partner says similar to you about being financially stable, not being ready blah blah. But that doesn’t make me want to be pregnant any less, and secretly hope we somehow get pregnant. If your anything like me, you were happy to not use contraception because deep down you hoped you would get pregnant.

My advice to you? Keep the baby, because you want it and you know you do. I don’t think you have it in you to have another abortion, because I know I couldn’t even if I fell pregnant now and my boyfriend not be ready.
Yes 2 parents can be better than 1, but not if the other parent is a miserable shit that holds resentment to you and your child. You can do this on your own x

@LeaBea2589

1. Because the partner is being verbally abusive towards the girl? Saying if she goes through with this it will ruin his life etc? Excuse me if you have different morals but I believe that is morally inappropriate to put that amount of guilt and pressure on someone. The same as it is to say to someone how irresponsible it was to not use contraception?

1. You do not know this girls life inside out, it’s all well and good being a keyboard warrior telling her about herself, but think before you speak. Is you advice really helping her right now? No! Saying she should of been contraception is no help to this girl right now!

1. She clearly isn’t using abortion as contraception. Come on, that a reach. She’s clearly torn and really struggling right now. I really don’t feel she needs people in their later 40s-50s having a go at a 23 year old! Sort it out!

That would all be fine except this pregnancy wasn't really an accident. The first time- ok. But again? Op did admit she wanted to be pregnant again after which I completely get

But if that's the case, you can't just keep getting pregnant and getting terminations and staying with the same wanker.

Abortion clinics always advise contraception and would've had access to her medical info. They would've still advised contraception even with pcos so there's no reason not to be on it

@nicole1144

Just to keep you guys updated. I've decided to go through with it! I am really excited. I've had lots of support in the last 24hours from all my friends and family and I'm feeling really good about it all, even if I have to go through it alone! I've been in child care for coming up to 9 years now, so I think I know a tad about taking care of a little one 🤣🥰.

Thank you to those who sent lovely comments, it really cheered me up❤️ & to the ones who didn't, you can all do one 😊

Confused how you've been in childcare 9 years but are 23? Sorry if I've missed something

There’s no bullying @nicole1144, just a few home truths. No popping out kids to get a council house, although nice and judgmental from you! Just a self sufficient adult, who owns their own large house, and doesn’t rely on their parents allowing them to have a baby sponging off them too. If you’re so ambitious, I’m sure you’re just living with your parents for company, very admirable. Good luck though, as I said, you’ll need it.

@nicole1144, thank you for reaching out, it can take courage to look for advice and experience during such a traumatic time.
I will not advise you either way as it seems that there are a few self righteous perfect women on here who are eager to tell you off, shout you down and slap your wrist for being human. What I will do is listen and understand you. I am able to write to you from a place of experience, not judgement, that is not my place or anyone else’s. Please do not listen or take to heart what some of these women have said as I can see you have by your response. Do not waste your precious time gracing them with a reply. Do not allow online comments from people you will never meet upset you.
I had a termination many years ago, also under extreme pressure. From the moment I recovered physically I wanted to replace my baby. I NEVER recovered mentally. I spent YEARS trying to fall pregnant again, with and without my boyfs knowledge. People cannot judge me for this, I was a broken soul, desperate. All that mattered was to have a baby at any cost. Unfortunately I was not successful and I have no children.
Children come from many backgrounds, rich, poor, happy and sad. Often being pregnant in itself fills you with a desire to improve your circumstances for the sake of your baby, physically and financially. It can make us more healthy. It can make us more responsible and aware that we now have a purpose and a reason to provide, not just to earn spends for a night out or a new pair of shoes. It can drive you on to better things!
A close friend of mine fell pregnant by accident, she lived at home with her mum, the baby slept in the baby bath as she was so poor. It inspired her to return to education. She now lives in a 4 bedroom house in a posh area in london and has two range rovers parked outside. And yes, she is still a single mum smashing life. Her son is at Uni and wonderful. I see the very fact that you have worked since you were 15 that you are ambitious and not work shy! Be proud of what you achieve and please ignore the negativity on here but only listen to the encouraging, warm comments. Women should be supporting each other, not using another’s mistakes to help themselves express how perfect they are to total strangers.
Anything in life is possible @nicole1144. I am sending you all the love and support you need. May all your dreams come true 🙏😘🙌🏻🥰

What's wrong with a council house?? 🤔😳

@nicole1144
Glad you've decided to keep the baby - it sounds like it's the right decision for you, and although it will be hard, a baby always is, and I wish you the best.
Glad your mum is delighted, but how has your bf reacted? And what about his family?

Congrats and I hope you get all the support and love ❤️ you have done the right choice for you and that's all that matters. I'm sure this baby will be loved and adored by their mummy and that's all that matters!

Wish you all the best of luck!

Little update to the lovely girlies with great advice & all the bullies who laughed at me and wished me luck on this post - he fixed up.. we got back together, live in a beautiful home and now have baby number 2 on the way. All worked out 🥹 life is good ☺️