Pregnant and I don’t know how I feel.

[Pregnant02]

Name changed for this as I don’t want it linked to my regular account.

I have just found out I am around 6 weeks pregnant. Before falling pregnant I loved the idea of a second baby and actively came off of the pill. DP wasn’t keen (but didn’t use any protection) and whilst I understood his reasons behind not wanting another baby I didn’t share them. Now I’m pregnant I’m terrified and feel like this is a mistake.

We have a DS together who is 1 almost 2 and DP has an older child who is 7, he is with us every weekend, half of school holidays. DP is a great and involved dad.

Our main worries are that financially things are tight already, DP works full time and I work part time, DS is in nursery. Our rent is high but the cheapest in our area (wouldn’t want to move away due to work, DP’s older child and our support network is here). I just don’t see how we can stretch to another baby. DS and the new baby would end up sharing a bedroom as we can’t afford to rent a bigger house and saving for a mortgage is just out of the question.

I want to provide the best life for DS and worry he will miss out on hobbies, clubs etc as we won’t be able to afford them for all of the children.

I worry about how I’m going to share my love and time between DS and another child. I don’t want our relationship to change.

I just don’t know if now is the right time for a baby but ultimately don’t think I could ever get rid of a baby either. we have agreed not to tell anyone about the pregnancy yet so I have no one to talk to this about. Although I am not even sure I could discuss this with anyone.

My heads all over the place.

Bless you, I think the ideal and then the reality can sometimes seem very different. I knew we wanted a second child. I fell pregnant really quickly, but it ended in emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic, which was totally unexpected and obviously heartbreaking. I hadn’t really had time to accept the pregnancy before it went wrong, but then I was really keen to get pregnant again.
4 months later, incredibly I was pregnant again… and suddenly I was terrified of it going wrong, but also horrified. I hated the newborn months first time round. I didn’t want to go back to crying over breastfeeding, sleepless nights, doubting my own abilities etc.
Whenever anyone congratulated me, I joked and said “it’s less exciting and more of an impending deadline second time around”!!
The feeling didn’t really pass through the whole pregnancy… but I now have a 4 week old and I’m so in love. It’s SOOO much easier this time. I’m actually enjoying these early weeks and it feels so much easier this time around!