Feeling guilty

[fruitandveggies]

In my 3rd trimester and my due date is a few weeks away.

I feel quite accomplished for getting through pregnancy and growing life and excited to meet my baby.

But I feel this huge amount of guilt as I feel like I didn’t enjoy it as much as I should?

Me and DH TTC for 6 months, short time but it was still quite upsetting. During this whole time I dreamed about being pregnant and a mother.

I was diagnosed with HG in my first trimester and really suffered physically. My mental health took a dip due to this and it was only when I reached about 16-18 weeks I felt better. Mentally since 23/24 weeks I’ve felt stronger.

I was blown away at how terribly I handled being ill, I felt weak and ashamed and even now I look back and feel sadness thinking about my first trimester.

I don’t know if this is normal but I feel bad that I didn’t have this magical pregnancy where I felt great every second of it and happy all the time.

Dont feel bad, I could have written this post myself!

I too am in my 3rd trimester with my first baby.
Conception wasnt straightforward and took years rather than months. It was a shock to finally fall pregnant whilst on the waiting list for a fertility referral. But here we are.

I too suffered with HG from about week six all the way through to almost week 20. Ive been on prescribed meds since week 12 for the constant nausea and even now, if i dont take them, I cant eat.
I lost over a stone in the first 9 weeks as well and I felt increadibly low.
Im now suffering from PGP, carpal tunnel and general aches and pains.
I have to be honest and say, I havent enjoyed being pregnant. I dont resent it, but the last 8 months have been so tough and it really has taken its toll.
I know once baby is here all of this will be a distant memory and wont matter. But its been hard, I never realised how pregnancy would affect me.
But everyone is different. Some have amazing pregnancies and sail through. But there will always be those who are unwell.
We will get there and then we wont remwmber what the fuss was about (i hope!).
Good luck!

Why would you feel guilty? Who says pregnancy is magical, or should/will be enjoyed 24/7? It's an incredibly difficult time for a lot of women, I never felt guilty for not enjoying pregnancy, why would I enjoy feeling nauseous and exhausted for 7-8 months.

I think the reality is that most people don't enjoy pregnancy. So what? Finding pregnancy hard says nothing about how much you want a child and says nothing about you as a person or type of parent you'll be. Society places a lot of guilt on women. You feel you should be grateful to be pregnant as others can't but pregnancy is hard, makes lots of women ill and puts enormous strain on your body. Why would you enjoy that? HG is particularly hard. I thought long and hard about termination in both of my pregnancies in first trimester due to HG. I don't feel sad or guilty about it, despite wanting the children and loving my now DD more than anything because my reality at the time was hellish and I was trying to survive hour on hour.
You need to take a good look in the mirror and have a serious word with yourself. Snap out of it. You haven't failed, you haven't done anything wrong and your expectations of yourself have been unrealistic. Just progress through pregnancy the best you can and get on with it without dwelling on the past and what you think you should be feeling. Just feel what you feel and embrace it

You have done an amazing thing in growing the baby, giving it everything it needed, even though it was hard on you. There is no prize for doing pregnancy ‘right’. It is messed up that people expect you to enjoy a time that involves copious vomiting, fatigue, pain, sleep deprivation and transformation into an angry whale. The baby has no idea whether you spent pregnancy taking insta photos of your bump doing yoga whilst draped in chiffon, or on the sofa in your big pants eating twiglets watching reality television.

My kids are now 1 and 3, they are the greatest and 100% worth the shit show that is pregnancy, but I’m very glad we are stopping at 2 so I don’t have to be pregnant again.

Thank you everyone. I think a big thing for me is everyone around me seemed baffled how ill I was.

My friends would say stuff like “oh I only felt sick I never vomited” my mum even said (speaking about her friends daughter who is pregnant too) “oh X is working through her morning sickness” as I was off work.

I felt a bit like everyone was looking at me thinking I was being dramatic? And not only that but I did spend about 10 weeks pretty much laying down to avoid vomiting or near enough fainting! And then I see on social media (I’m stupid for comparing yes) all these women documenting stuff from their pregnancy early on whereas all I did was mope about.

But reading your messages has made me feel less alone in how I’m feeling :)

I was suicidal my first pregnancy. First HG then severe anxiety. There wasn't one thing I enjoyed. But DD is my world and I'm a good mum. I can't think of any part of it that would be enjoyable

Other than the second trimester, I’ve hated both of my pregnancies.
You can still be grateful about being pregnant without actually enjoying the experience. Let go of the guilt.

It’s the same with being a new Mum, social media will have you believe you should treasure every moment but a lot of it is quite tough. A lot of it is also amazing but it’s okay to not enjoy all of it. It doesn’t make you a bad mum.

Social media & co make pregnancy look easy which often it isn't. You're doing brilliantly, you're amazing and you'll be a great mother.

I remember that recovering from my emergency c section was easier than my pregnancy.

Sending hugs xxx