6 weeks and gutted

[mynameismaybe]

Found out last week I'm pregnant and dates indicate approx 6 weeks gone. My DP is over the moon but I'm just not feeling the same.
I'm 36, have two teens already and was excited at starting the next, more free, stage of my life. The idea of starting over again is horrifying to me. The idea of things like potty training again is literally keeping me awake at night.

This is my DP first child so he is super excited and, I think, totally naive about how hard its going to be.

We've already told a couple of people but I'm so regretful of that decision because I now feel boxed in and without options.

Not sure what I'm expecting from posting here. I have nowhere to say this in real life and feel so trapped.

Big hugs. Was this baby planned? Ultimately it’s your body and your choice if you choose not to proceed with the pregnancy but it should be a happy time and you shouldn’t feel trapped or backed into a corner. Take your time and look at your options. I’d encourage you to talk to your DP too.

Not planned at all. My DP has always had fertility issues so it really wasn't ever a consideration. I suppose that feels like an added pressure because suddenly there's this "miracle" baby that he never thought he'd have and I'm just sat on the sidelines watching my lazy weekends and social life going out the window. I feel very selfish and also a little angry if I'm honest.

Speak to your GP about this and your options. It has to be what you want and your partner needs to respect that too. No-one can tell you what to do, it’s for you to make your mind up with all the available information. There is no ‘easy’ option, just take your time.

Best of luck

@RainbowTime Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I had a very in-depth conversation with my DP last night and I have swayed towards termination. A baby right now would have a massive affect on my career and would make me financially dependent on my DP for the time of maternity leave. I won't bore anyone with my history but due to past abusive relationships, I can't bear to give up that kind of control over my own life. There are so many more reasons why a pregnancy at this stage of my life isn't ideal, those are just tip of the iceberg.

My struggle with termination is that we (stupidly) shared the news with a select few people. I can't bear the social stigma that will come with termination (I don't agree that there should be such a stigma but undoubtedly, people do judge). Particuarly due to the "miracle baby" idea his family member has. This then puts me in a very difficult situation of having to lie and say I lost the pregnancy. I can't bear the idea of sympathy being unjustly given to me for such a thing when I know the truth. It's all very, very difficult and I wish so many things were different

You could always say you miscarried if anyone asks

Sorry didn't fully read that. I think you have to do what's right for you and don't worry about what others say. I think you can say you feel OK and are happy you have healthy children already or something. Don't feel bad and don't have a baby just because you don't want to upset other people

@Knock123

Sorry didn't fully read that. I think you have to do what's right for you and don't worry about what others say. I think you can say you feel OK and are happy you have healthy children already or something. Don't feel bad and don't have a baby just because you don't want to upset other people

I do agree with you. I have been so unwell the last week. I had put it down to morning sickness but after last night's conversation, I felt so much better this morning. It has literally felt like I've had a weight on my chest all week; unable breathe with how frightened I am. Now, at the prospect of potentially not going through with it, I feel a little lighter already.

I feel tremendous guilt for my DP. Its like he has been given a wonderful gift and had it snatched away. He's been wonderful, though and has said that as he never seen this in his future, it's not a great loss to him. He will just carry on ass he was. Not sure how truthful he is being with that, though.

I think I would need to tell an ugly lie about miscarriage which is a cruel deceit to put into the world. I would need to be concise about it and say I don't want to discuss it, which I fear would only encourage more sympathy. Ahh I don't know. Its like an endless cycle of do's and don'ts whirling round my brain!

Do not concern yourself at all with the opinions of others.

Saying you miscarried isn’t deceitful- it’s just something to protect you at a time you’re feeling low and vulnerable.

Yeah I agree with greenmarmalade, please don't beat yourself up over this. The fact that you feel better by having the conversation tells you all you need to know. The only people who are important in this are you and your partner.

Don't worry about putting negative things out there because that's all just bollocks. Bringing an unwanted child into the world to please others is a much bigger deceit than a small lie to protect yourself.

I terminated an unwanted pregnancy years ago and I felt so relieved when it was all done. I remember all the feelings I had at the time, the hormones were raging and it made it very difficult to make the decision but it was absolutely the right thing to do. The only regret I ever had was that I got myself into the situation in the first place.

Just a quick update: I yesterday received through the post the kit to process an Early At Home Abortion. I've taken the first tablet this morning and the next step of the process continues on Friday.

My feelings are very mixed. I know this is the right decision for myself and my family but there are so many "what if's" and wishing that things could be different. I suppose thats all perfectly normal and to be expected.

I'm very worried about the weekend and when/how to start telling the lies about having miscarried. Im not sure this part will ever sit right with me but unfortunately, the truth isnt an option available to me right now.

Anyway, that's all for now. Thanks to the people who replied to my initial query; it really gave me the courage to open the dialogue with my DP and helped me realise what was best. I don't think there's a happy ending in this situation, sadly. Just an ending that causes less long-term damage, perhaps.

You don't need to go into detail around why you are no longer pregnant, all you need to say is that - i.e. I am no longer pregnant. No need to provide details to the few people who know. Any one with a hint of common sense and compassion will leave it there. If they push just say I don't wish to discuss.

This will be a hard week for you, be kind to yourself.

In this day and age it is great to see that we as women have a choice. You do what is right for you, at the end of the day it will be you haveing to juggle everything not the select few you told. Yes it's had to say you terminated the pregnancy, but it would be equally hard having to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. Be kind to yourself and I hope all goes well for you.