10 weeks and feel like I am failing - how to feel better?

[TashieWoo]

I am 10+3 with my first baby and looking forward to the end of the first trimester when I am supposed to be feeling wonderful, as right now I am really struggling.

I have anxiety & depression anyway and I take sertraline each day, but this pregnancy is taking it out of me and I just feel like I am failing at life. On balance I haven’t had it too badly, I’ve had nausea but haven’t actually been sick and my main symptoms have been tiredness, bloating and headaches. I am able to work from home (although in quite a stressful job) and I have a supportive partner, family and friends. So I am very fortunate.

I just feel so tired though, like I am walking through treacle. But I am too anxious to even have a 15 min nap apart from at weekends, even though I could and then just make the time up. I can’t concentrate unless I am really busy with work and I haven’t ridden my horse in over 2 weeks as I’ve been so busy with deadlines and haven’t been able to get up in time in the morning, even though I’m at the yard twice a day to care for him.

I just feel like I used to be so capable and ‘have it all’, but now I can barely function, I don’t have the motivation to put makeup on unless I have a video call and I feel like a slob, I need new clothes too but don’t have the energy to go shopping.

Does this sound familiar or do I just need to snap out of it? Does anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance x

First trimester tiredness sucks.

Maybe you need to speak to someone if you are even too anxious to nap.

Don't bank on feeling better in the second trimester!

Thank you both - after some very early nights I am now feeling a bit better. I think I just need to realise that I can’t do as much as I did. My midwife said I’d feel much better in the 2nd trimester so I really hope she’s right! 9 days to go

I think you are expecting too much of yourself, my horse sadly broke his leg when I was 4 weeks pregnant (now 23 weeks); I miss him terribly but I feel guilty admitting that at least he had good timing (he was 20 so he had a good full life with me) because although I’ve had a straight forward pregnancy, adding in the early mornings and trying to keep him sorted would have definitely stretched me and I would have felt exactly as you have described, like I had lots of plates and it just wasn’t possible to keep them all spinning. Pregnancy is a strange and uncertain time, and keeping a horse is a big responsibility and commitment, so I don’t think it’s surprising that you’re feeling like this, cut yourself some slack and feel pleased that you’re keeping yourself healthy and your horse is well looked after, I’d take that as a victory 😊

My first trimester tiredness was way worse than having a non sleeping baby. It's so underestimated how hard the first trimester can be. It will get better in a few weeks, try to hang in there.

It's not you, you're not failing. It's just so hard. I don't have depression or anxiety but totally remember feeling exactly the way you describe it. It's your body that is doing this, not you. It's also very temporary.

@TashieWoo

Thank you both - after some very early nights I am now feeling a bit better. I think I just need to realise that I can’t do as much as I did. My midwife said I’d feel much better in the 2nd trimester so I really hope she’s right! 9 days to go

Can I just warn you that it might not be like a switch going off? I started feeling better at 12-13-14 weeks but it was a mor gradual thing for me. Having said that, just starting to feel a bit better does give more confidence.

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I've only just started feeling better. Like you, I spent my first trimester feeling sick, feeling knackered, and feeling like I wasn't actually achieving anything.

My friend gave me the best advice - "You're a pregnant woman running round acting like a non-pregnant woman" - and she was right! I found that once I started being kind to myself, things didn't feel so bad.

Yes, it tends to be gradual. I started feeling slightly better at around 11 weeks and by 15/16 I was almost back to normal. It doesn't just change immediately, and for some people they do feel rotten throughout. I felt great from about 17 weeks to 35 though so fingers crossed for you!

Ignore your midwife tbh, you might feel better in second trimester you might not, there's no guarantee. I have never felt better in second or third trimester in 3 pregnancies.

Thank you all for the replies, they have been so helpful in making me feel that I’m not being lazy and that this is hard! I’m 12 weeks tomorrow and feeling a bit better although still being careful not to overdo it, and put less pressure on myself. I am growing a baby after all!

@LFH1990 I am very sorry to read about your horse, what a horrible shock for you. But I understand what you mean about timing. I’m getting a bit of help at the yard so only going down once a day for a few days in the week, and hopefully DP and I will be moving very close to the yard in a few weeks so that will also really help.

Best wishes to you all