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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

antenatal depression..........

13 replies

plusone · 07/12/2007 20:56

ive been feeling really down lately this is my second pregnancy i have a ds whos 4. my partner is away alot at the moment and is away for the next few weeks and will not be home till 2 wks before my due date so im anxiuos about that. Ive felt really resentful towards him lately and am fed up with being the one stuck at home whilst hes off travelling.Its silly as i should be greatful that hes in a good job and i dont need to go out to work. This pregnancy has been completely different to the first and has been alot harder and physically and emotionally.My body seems to have changed so much ive lost bladder control and I have stretch marks this time, im either pooing loads or being sick im tired and have constant backache-i cried all day yesterday because i felt so disgusted with myself and wonder how my dh will ever fancy me again.

I just find im not enjoying this pregnancy at all. Ive not bonded with the baby like i did with my first-i dont even feel excited. With my first i used to day dream loads, pat and talk to him with this baby i feel sick when i feel him move. I feel so ashamed to say that but i feel like im being invaded. I just feel like taking this bump off if i could and leaving my dh to manage the kids i just want a complete time out.

I cant even be bothered to socialise with my friends or be around alot of people and put on a happy face. I held a nb the other day and didnt even feel broody- i couldnt wait to hand it back and go back home to my own little bubble.I keep rowing with dh on the phone and at times i just dont feel myself and feel like i could scream as i want to feel normal again. Im not sure if this is hromones or something more and whether i should see my gp my mw isnt very understanding.Im scared that im not going to bond with this baby and that ive made a big mistake.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

insywinsyspider · 07/12/2007 21:20

I hope someone will answer who has experience of this but I didn't want it to go unanswered
firstly I'm 38 +3 with my second and don't beat yourself up about pg feeling a lot harder second time round, it is a lot harder with another little one especially if you are doing it on your own, I think I can undersatnd you feeling resentful about dh being away as well. my dh and I had very similar jobs until I had ds and then my career was sidelined, I'm very envious of the job satisfaction he has especially when I feel tired and huge and he isn't very understanding (in fact we did the same degree and my grades were far better than his which niggles me)

Is there anyone who could have dd for you even if its for a few hours? it sounds like you could do with sometime out, even if its just a wander round the shops (the novelty of not taking dd) and have a coffee and read the paper....

Talk to your gp - I think there are prob lots of women who feel like you - I hope there are a few who've been through it who will post on here to reassure you

big hugs and keep chatting on here - when I had PND it helped to know that I wasn't alone x

Kathyate6mincepies · 07/12/2007 21:27

I had quite a miserable second pregnancy - not quite depression but a lot of how you feel sounds familiar.

Firstly, of course you feel shit. You are having a shit time with little support. When your symptoms go away you will feel better, but for now it's really tough. If you were not pregnant and dealing with just one physical issue it would still be a lot to cope with - in pregnancy you're expected to take several at a time and just suck it up.

Secondly, don't worry about not feeling bonded with the new baby. It will happen. When I was pg with dc2 I felt like I really hadn't got room in my life for another child, but once the child was there I loved him just as much - it's just a bit different.

I'm sure more people will be along soon with more positive advice, but for now, remember, you are not alone - you are normal and things will get better.

Original poster

plusone · 07/12/2007 21:46

Thankyou for the replies. I suffered really bad with pmt so wondering whether hormones and me just dont go.I feel like my hormones completely take over my mind at times-i can see red and can convince myself of the silliest things.

Right now i just feel so guilty that i cant even lie there and pat my bump and talk to him like i did ith my first child. I feel smothered at times with ds and this baby and wonder whether il be able bf him at all.I wanted to bf initially but maybe when he comes out il just want to hand him over to dh or someone so i can just be by myself. I feel right now like i could quite easily walk out on all of them as i just want to be completely by myself. I want time for me-its like since ive become a mum ive lost myself i ddint feel like this before i was pregnant though.

OP posts:

Kathyate6mincepies · 07/12/2007 21:54

Yes, you may well be right about the hormones.

It is easy to feel guilty in pregnancy if you're not just lying there feeling all blissful, but the fact is, if you're looking after a ds you're doing a big job without much relief as well as coping with quite a lot of illness. Did you see the thread I started the other week about what's worse, pregnancy or having a newborn? In the end I think about a third of the people who posted reckoned that for them, pregnancy had been tougher.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting some time to yourself. I had my last baby a year ago and I really enjoyed the fact that I could hand him over to dh and grannies at Xmas and have some me-time. I am potty about him now, so there is nothing wrong with how we are bonded, it's just that parenthood really is relentless and everyone needs a break from time to time. When is your baby due?

Marie12 · 07/12/2007 21:57

I am pregnant with no 2 and struggling with emotions/hormones/tiredness a lot, and my husband is around in the evenings/weekends. So I think its perfectly understandable that you feel like this if yours is away. Is there anyone else who can give you the emotional support you need - family/friends? Please try and let them, if they are willing to help you.

It may help if you can force youself to go to some groups or something with your DS to prevent you from becoming too isolated. I know that I find it easy to just stay in some days and lock the world away. If you really are feeling unhappy and that you need some help, maybe you should go to your GP though.

orangina · 07/12/2007 21:59

My hormones sent me nearly mad in pg #2. Had all the usual pregnancy moans, (exhausted, overwhelmed, back ache, teary, emotional, etc, etc), but also had this extra layer of hormonal madness to contend with. I was depressed, hysterical, felt I didn't want the baby, felt I couldn't get through the pregnancy without going mad, was convinced I wouldn't be able to bond with the baby, was neurotic..... it all felt like a toxic tap had been switched on in my body and I was powerless to do anything about it. My poor dh couldn't say ANYTHING, without getting his head bitten off, if was horrible. I was so resentful and angry. I'm very happy to say that I felt about 239487239834792387492374 times better almost as soon as I had my ds (and I had felt completely anti having a boy while I was pg, totally irrationally). Really, felt like a million dollars just NOT BEING PREGNANT.
It doesn't suit all of us. I was lucky to have a very sympathetic gp who was happy to lend an ear anytime I wanted to talk or whatever. Best of luck, things will feel better.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 07/12/2007 22:02

You are not alone with this, look

insywinsyspider · 08/12/2007 09:05

don't feel guilty that you don't talk to baby yet - I've never done that with either of mine because it just feels too abstract and after ds was born I didn't do skin to skin or gaze at him I wanted a bath and some time locked in the bath room to gather myself (and also to put my pants back on!) I felt very very guilty about this for a long time especially when women at baby groups kept gushing over how they bonded instantly with their babies and how much love they had for them etc etc - I now realise they were prop going over the top

cliffrichards links is very good - hope you're doing ok today

Kathyate6mincepies · 08/12/2007 20:50

How are you today?

Do keep posting.

xxxxx

Original poster

plusone · 09/12/2007 18:37

im ok just been feeling really snappy the last few days-still cant get my head around having another baby it doesnt feel real this time.Just feel like i want my mind and body back. Am feeling a nervous about the birth now too and bacause i dont feel excited im wondering whether its going to be alot harder then last time as i havent got that to help me through.

OP posts:

Kathyate6mincepies · 09/12/2007 19:48

Second births are usually easier, so the odds are on your side.

Nothing wrong with being snappy - it's allowed in pregnancy.

HollyBerrie · 09/12/2007 20:00

Oh poor you. I know ust how you feel I think. I was horribly depressed through both pregnancies and I felt so much better once the babies were born. It was far worse during the second one. I already had a much loved child. I felt I didn't want another and I felt no excitement or joy about the impending birth and new baby. But it was absolutly fine. The labour and birth was a lot easier and while I didn't feel the overwhelming joy and elation that I had the first time round and I missed ds terribly. I very quickly grew to love my new baby.
I'm sure that you will be fine but try to get some support. The HV might be able to find you some suppoprt if you don't have any one to turn to.

orangina · 10/12/2007 10:42

For what it's worth, birth was MUCH better, easier and quicker the 2nd time round.... 28 hours for #1, 5 hours for #2.... Feel positively nostalgic thinking back on it actually.... and I felt terribly guilty after ds was born, as he is just the sunniest natured baby, and I can't beleive I slightly hated him in utero (what a thing to admit )...

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