Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

so anxious about second baby and how my son will cope

16 replies

Butterflyy20 · 04/10/2021 21:12

so i haven't really felt much guilt through my pregnancy i've always wanted my children close together, but at 36 weeks now it's really hit me that my time alone with my son won't ever happen again and i'm worried he will hate me/resent me because of his brother. i'm so anxious about how i'll cope etc i don't know if it's just hormones or whatever. i'm also so worried about leaving him when i go into labour, he's never been left before want to be really excited but i feel so bad

OP posts:

Thatsplentyjack · 04/10/2021 21:13

OP he will be fine. Most children have siblings, they manage to cope.

DressedUpAtAnIvy · 04/10/2021 21:15

I felt the same before but her brother is the greatest thing in my daughter’s life. I think it’s just that you feel awful about changing the only life they have known, but for us it was very much a change for the better.

Comedycook · 04/10/2021 21:15

It's your hormones. Like the pp said, loads of kids have siblings! It's hardly unusual and I'm sure he'll love being a big brother and having a playmate.

Original poster

Butterflyy20 · 04/10/2021 21:21

@DressedUpAtAnIvy

i agree, i'm sure he will love it and we will all adapt. don't get me wrong i'm so excited but it's just this guilt i didn't have with my first

OP posts:

Ionlydomassiveones · 04/10/2021 21:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Owlshouse · 04/10/2021 21:23

It's natural to worry, you worry about them having to understand why you can't spend as much time with them. I found it all worked out fine when my second came along but I definitely did think about it a lot in the last few weeks of my second pregnancy, when baby arrived I made a conscious effort to have my DH hold our new baby so I could read a story to my daughter, have a cuddle or do some crafts. My husband would take daughter out swimming or to softplay to give me alone time with baby then he would take our baby out in pram at another time to give me alone time with our daughter which worked really well. We also got them gifts from each other exchanged when we returned from hospital and we had books such as I'm going to be a big sister which we introduced a couple of weeks before baby due and the book explained what babies do (not much) which I think helped her understand she wouldn't be getting a playmate, at least not for a while.

Lovewins · 04/10/2021 21:29

I felt exactly the same op, my heart ached when I thought how much my Dd would miss it just being us. How wrong I was! She adores her brother, tells him daily that he is her best friend and he follows her about like her shadow. Of course they argue and have squabbles but it is honestly the best thing in the world to watch them laughing and playing and cuddling together.
I do remember seeing an ‘active’ photo of me holding my newborn and my dd standing in the background rapidly blinking and looking a little lost. I cried when I saw that photo; she obviously had to deal with feelings of jealousy and confusion and change, but that helps to build their self esteem and confidence in the long run. Overall I would say she is happier since her brother was born.

Lovewins · 04/10/2021 21:30

Oh, and she used to love bathing him when he was a tiny baby and couldn’t do much else. It was a lovely way for them to bond

SillyBry · 04/10/2021 22:02

How old is he? I have a 4 year old and a 3 week old. My eldest has been amazing - she loves her little sister so much and has shown nothing but absolute love for her. In the first week, there were a few moments when she was sad that I couldn’t do something because I was feeding, but they were so short lived. She’s amazing, fetching nappies, helping to dress her etc.
Although I felt guilty thst she would feel pushed out, she’s actually just gotten so much more in her family life now 😊

Original poster

Butterflyy20 · 04/10/2021 22:05

@SillyBry

How old is he? I have a 4 year old and a 3 week old. My eldest has been amazing - she loves her little sister so much and has shown nothing but absolute love for her. In the first week, there were a few moments when she was sad that I couldn’t do something because I was feeding, but they were so short lived. She’s amazing, fetching nappies, helping to dress her etc. Although I felt guilty thst she would feel pushed out, she’s actually just gotten so much more in her family life now 😊

he's only nearly 2, but he does have baby doll which he loves and i've been playing with it a lot like changing its nappies with him etc, he's very resilient, i just feel guilty and im worried i know how hormonal i was after having him i'm worried it will be the same this time but worse!

OP posts:

EmilyEmmabob · 04/10/2021 22:12

I felt the same OP! My DS was 2 when DS2 was born and in the early days when it was hard I felt so guilty. One day I realised that I was feeling guilty over nothing, DS1 was mainly bored by DS2 until he started to laugh and move about a bit, they're the best of friends now.

jobsagudden · 04/10/2021 22:14

I think I wrote the exact same post 2.5 years ago. It's a really bitter sweet time and I really struggled to come to terms with it. I found the first 6 months a bit of a whirlwind trying to meet the needs of both my DD's when they both need such different things.

I have a 2 year 3 month age gap they are 2 and 4 now and get on brilliantly, they adore each other. I can remember thinking after DD2 was born 'what the hell have I done' and feeling so desperately sad for DD1 but it's all a distant memory now and I / and them wouldn't have it any other way!

Champersandchocolate · 04/10/2021 22:16

@Butterflyy20 These are totally normal. I had two babies close together. So I had a newborn and a toddler.

I'm now pregnant again and those two are 8&10 - I also worry about leaving them when I go into labour!!

Don't worry, all will be fine. Xx

jobsagudden · 04/10/2021 22:16

Here is the post I wrote after having DD2

Newborn and toddler tell me it gets better? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3556944-newborn-and-toddler-tell-me-it-gets-better

I can assure you it gets so much better!

Lullaby88 · 04/10/2021 23:27

In my recent experience it was a bit tough!
It was just me and my daughter and I felt pregnant with baby 2.
I tried to enjoy my last months alone with her as much as possible as I knew it wouldn't be the same after.
Yes it does really change the dynamics of the family and if ur son is anything like my daughter who was so used to 1.1 attention he may struggle at the start.
It's important u mentally prepare urself and also keep talking to ur son about the exciting new arrival.
I was very nervous to leave my daughter when I went into labour. I missed her. But was excited for my new arrival too.
When she met him she loved him. But struggled with me breastfeeding constantly and not giving her the usual attention. Luckily my husband was on paternity leave and really stepped in to help her adapt and keep her busy. She eventually warmed up a couple of weeks later.
It's a huge adjustment.
If ur son is still quite young he might find it easier. My daughter is 3.
Now she loves her brother. And I spend 1.1. With her a couple of times a week and she still loves it.

Lullaby88 · 04/10/2021 23:34

Also it's good to hav ideas of how to keep ur toddler involved after baby arrives. Get him to help u with little things. I'd ask my daughter to help at nappy time. Her task was to pass me the wipes and nappies. Whilst I fed my baby I'd try reading a book on the sofa to my daughter. At other times I'd put on the T.V. especially when he was cluster feeding. Even if ur bottle feeding u can do this ofcourse! I'd set up an activity for her if I was busy feeding. It gets easier and easier and very rewarding when u see them play together. Get as much family support too. If ur toddler is close to any family let them help u. I'd drop my daughter off to her grandparents to give her a break. But I would keep her home as much as possible as I didn't want to her to feel that now baby is here mummy doesn't want me. But ofcourse it's good to get external support when needed.

Flip