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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnancy & Friendships

10 replies

expectinglittlebear · 01/10/2021 12:41

Curious on what others have experienced ...

I am 25 and my group of girl mates has been slowly distancing over the past couple of years. We were close and tight knit back when we were late teens through to 20/21ish, but since then everyone has settled in relationships, or gone travelling etc, generally moving on with their lives and we barely talk / see each other.. BUT they are my only friends.

I have noticed especially since getting married and getting pregnant (both happened in May/June this year) they've barely made any effort to contact.. I have messaged our group chat on a few occasions, to make general chat, and ask how they have all been, mentioning we need to arrange to meet properly now covid restrictions have lifted etc. A few short responses, but nothing since and no one seems bothered about wanting to do anything.

I hate attention, but none of them have bothered asking me how the baby is / how the pregnancy is going / asked to see pictures of the baby etc. It is the first baby in our group, so I thought they would be excited! I don't know why but for some weird reason, even though I hate attention, this has really got to me. I know our friend group has been moving apart slightly as everyone is getting on with their lives, but it was only a couple months ago they were all bridesmaids at my wedding...

I don't know, I guess I am a little scared to lose my friend group as an adult and not have anyone to talk to and see besides my husband and family when I go on maternity leave, and in the future.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar during pregnancy? And what did you do? It is bloody hard trying to make new friends as an adult!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mommabear20 · 01/10/2021 12:53

Yup! My best friend found me being pregnant very difficult as she is desperate for a baby (although not trying) so got upset when I announced my first pregnancy. And due to covid, for many different reasons, all my friends from work have moved away from the area so I'm completely alone now in terms of friends. It is hard but I think pregnancy is definitely one of those things that truly proves who cares and who doesn't.

MarshmallowSwede · 01/10/2021 13:06

I just think that as people get busy life gets in the way. Other priorities and right now. Maybe your friends realised that socialising is not very important.

I’m pregnant too so I understand your excitement, and it seems as if everyone should share in it… but I think expecting your friends to be gushing about your baby is unrealistic. A lot of people aren’t interested in your pregnancy if they themselves aren’t also pregnant. Maybe once your baby is born they will want to see the baby, but I even wouldn’t expect that. It’s just not that everyone is going to be super excited and enthusiastic about your pregnancy and baby for a myriad of reasons.

I’m general, it seems people are quite apathetic about socialising and the lives of others these days. I think considering the state of the world, people are trying to live normally while it’s not quite normal so they might just be navigating their normal lives and don’t have capacity for meet ups right now.

MarshmallowSwede · 01/10/2021 13:10

I moved from Stockholm a couple of years ago with my husband and found it extremely difficult to make friends.. I met a couple of women who informed friendships with but I never felt it was a close friendship. I felt that because people knew I was at some point going back to Sweden, then they were not that interested in bulging a deep friendship. Which is fine. Now we are going back to Sweden for good soon and I do still have close friends there, but yes it is hard making friends as an adult.

I imagine once you have your baby you can make bee friends at the mother and baby groups.

SickAndTiredAgain · 01/10/2021 13:14

It is the first baby in our group, so I thought they would be excited!

A lot of people don’t find other people’s babies exciting, I don’t. I can see why you’d be disappointed at the general lack of contact, and I think it is a bit rubbish to not even ask how you’re getting on with pregnancy. But I wouldn’t expect excitement from them.

MarshmallowSwede · 01/10/2021 13:15

Also.. people have told me it’s hard to make friends is sweden. So I guess it could come down to that we aren’t very big on small talk. I’m really grateful I do have friends at home. I think it I was staying here then I would be hoping that at the mother and baby groups or even at the park with my baby tk meet other mothers.

I really think being pregnant can sometimes isolate you. I have felt extremely lonely since becoming pregnant .

Also I stopped getting invites as “you’re pregnant and can’t drink” .. which doesn’t mean I can’t come along. I am not even a big drinker anyway but the thought of my presence and not being able to drink has gotten me excluded I’ve noticed.

I do hope you have a healthy pregnancy and find some other women you can be friends with.

anthurium · 02/10/2021 05:47

Congratulations on your pregnancy & marriage

I've noticed this too especially from female friends. I think this whole 'busy with their lives' is a smokescreen, most of the people I know don't seem any busier than before covid - sitting around on the weekends in their homes, watching TV, attached to the hip to their partners. This is the 'settled' life they seem to lead. Friends are slotted in on if and when basis, usually when partners aren't around. I'm in my late 30s, single and solo mother to be so maybe I'm also experiencing this in a different way than to being in your 20s. I'm used to doing things in a non conventional way, but it can still feel isolating.

gemgem31 · 02/10/2021 08:52

I lost my best friend of 14 years because I said I liked the same name as what she would pick for her second girl but the thing is she not even pregnant or even had kids yet 🤷🏼‍♀️
The name I liked my partner doesn't so we aren't using it but she hasn't replied to me in months!!
She is the only one out of my friends that hasn't once asked me how the pregnancy is going ☹️
Definitely think I'm better off without her.
People really aren't who you think they are especially at times like this when you need them the most.
I'm excited to meet my little girl in 7 weeks and won't even have time to worry about people like that!

NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 02/10/2021 12:17

Unfortunately it happens OP! I have a couple of different groups of friends where I am the first having a baby & none of them are particularly interested, a lot of them never want kids or are still single. Also being pregnant I just can’t/don’t want to do the things the majority of the group wants to do & some of them show no interest in being accommodating. I’m just trying to accept that we are at different points in our lives! I know you say they are your only friends but is there absolutely no one else? I’ve found myself reaching out and connecting with people from the past via Instagram, my OH friends partners & different people at work who have had kids and that’s been nice. I also plan to do NCT & throw myself in to baby groups, also maybe going to try peanut!

sarah13xx · 02/10/2021 13:00

Babies seem to have a funny effect on some people! Since my little one was born in the summer I’ve found some people (who I would never have expected) to be so overly thrilled for us and got us a present etc whereas others that are in my group of best friends, haven’t even messaged or come to see him. My best best friend was thrilled when I texted her to say he was born, she even posted his picture on Facebook saying how excited she was for us but 5 weeks passed and I hadn’t seen her or even received another text since I was in hospital 🤔 I had a section so thought she would have been asking how I was recovering etc. My group drifted apart when we all settled down about 24 but we still had a group chat and would occasionally arrange a night out or a catch up. I’ve found there’s people in my group who aren’t baby people at all yet they’ve made so much effort to come round and messaged asking how we’re getting on. I don’t think people realise how much it means, especially once the annoying phase of constant visitors passes at the start 🙈 I was the first in my group to get pregnant but since my little one has been born another two friends in our group are now pregnant so I think for that reason anything we arrange will be much more baby-friendly and I’m so glad another two are coming into the baby world too 😂 I’d say as lovely as it would be for them to stay close with you and time will pass and more of them will have babies too but right now you probably need someone who’s in the same boat as you. I didn’t do nct but know that can be a good way to meet ‘mum friends’ or even since my little one has been born I’ve found theres girls I went to school with who I’ve had on Facebook but have never spoken to before who have started messaging me back and forwards and it’s been really nice. I think they’re probably in the same position I am, looking for friends to go to baby classes with or go walks. It will definitely surprise you when the baby is born! People also took no interest in me being pregnant til the month I was due and suddenly you have messages coming in from all angles asking how you’re feeling etc 🤔😂

Rainydays890 · 02/10/2021 14:15

@expectinglittlebear

Curious on what others have experienced ...

I don't know, I guess I am a little scared to lose my friend group as an adult and not have anyone to talk to and see besides my husband and family when I go on maternity leave, and in the future.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar during pregnancy? And what did you do? It is bloody hard trying to make new friends as an adult!

That’s sounds a bit shit op! Maybe they’re the type of friendships that just are there becos you have known each other for such a long time rather than actually being good friendships? Make sure you join lots of mummy groups in your area and make it your goal to meet new friends this way, plus you automatically have something in common with - that’s what my plan is

I’m 40 weeks preggo and have really seen who cares and who doesn’t. It’s hard to not take personally but take it as a sign they are showing you what the friendship means to them and then act accordingly. Bizarrely my MIL hasn’t asked me how my pregnancy has been or made any effort in that respect so I do know how it feels! On the other hand there’s been two friends in particular that have really come up trumps and it makes me very grateful to have them in my life.

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