I’m really scared

[okayokayokay2122]

Due my first baby in 2 months. I’m excited but lately I’ve been feeling reeeeeally scared.

The realisation of becoming a mother is hitting me hard, I find myself scared about what if I don’t like it? (Ever) what if I’m a bad mother? And what if I don’t love my baby when I meet them?

I feel like I love them now. I do find it odd speaking to my bump but I know I love my baby if that makes sense?

Another thing worrying me is the strain that’ll be put on mine and DF’s relationship. Lately all I have seen is people saying how they nearly split up after having a baby or resented their partner? And I don’t ever want that with my fiancé I love him so much he’s my soulmate. I know our relationship will change but I expected it to change for the better too? All I’m seeing lately is how bad babies are for relationships?

I don’t know if it’s because I’m scared that I keep hearing or seeing the negatives but is this normal to panic this much? I’m really scared that I might not be a good mum and it’ll ruin my babies life

Hi @okayokayokay2122 - what you're feeling now is perfectly normal and I guarantee you most women go through this stage during pregnancy. I certainly did, and friends have spoken about it as well. It's natural to have a "wobble" before every major life change because it's an unknown, and therefore a bit scary.

I think you'll experience times when you love being a mum, times when you think "what have I done, this is awful!", times when you love your partner even more than you do now, and times when you want to roar at him for the littlest thing. It's a rollercoaster and all part of the experience.

Do you have a support network outside your partner? Family and friends?

@RedPandaFluff thank you. I’ve been worrying that does this mean I’m not ready to be a mother.

I have a little family and 1 friend really. I’m terms of support for me it’s my fiancé, mum and 2 sisters :) which is a good network

Baby care wise we are both close with our families who are already trying to schedule babysitting! So we are lucky in terms of if we need a break lots of people will be around (both sets of parents, step parents and siblings old enough to care for a baby!)

Take a deep breath OP. Try not to read so much, it will really help you feel less anxious. Having a child is monumental, the love you will feel is like something to have never before experienced. Things don’t magically fall into place straight away. There will be good moments and bad, just like there is in your relationship. Some days are better than others and that’s the case, baby or no baby.
The best advice I can offer is to take one day at a time. Be kind to one another and be kind to yourself. But more so than anything - don’t let other people’s experiences influence your opinion. You’re not them.
Congratulations and good luck, these are exciting times ahead! 💗 Being a mum is the best decision I ever made and I’m so, so happy. It can be you, too.

Wise words, @Vallmo47 - although the "love you will feel is like something you have never before experienced" made me think . . . the overwhelming-love part can take a while as well, can't it? I think I expected to feel a rush of love for my baby straight away, and I'm not sure I did. I felt a strong sense of duty, and protectiveness, and wanted to do everything I could for the baby's welfare and happiness, but the love took a while. And actually, my sister said similar - she said she wondered if she had postnatal depression because she didn't feel this immediate rush of love that everyone talked about!

So maybe everyone is different, OP, and your experience of motherhood will be unique to you. Fantastic that you have family support - that's one component that was missing for me, my family are in another country. Don't be afraid to ask them for help when you need it!

OP, I can relate to you so much.
I too am due my first in just a couple of months and to say im terrified is an understatement.
We have tried for so long to get to this point that at times I feel like I should be feeling happier than I do now.
I havent had the easiest pregnancy so far. I havent enjoyed and cherished every moment as people say you should.
Im nervous about being a mum as I have no experience, neither does my DH.
Ww dont have a great support network. One parent struggles health wise and the other grandparents arent local.
I dont have siblings to help and DH's sibling is unreliable and has no experience either.

Im scared about the birth. Scared about trying to feed the baby. scared about being in hospital alone overnight.
But, I do know that once born, I will try my absolute best to be a good mum. It wont be easy, i will struggle and there will be days where I will havw no doubt had enough.
But all i can do is do my best and see how things shape up.
Im sure were not the only people to ever feel like this. Other mums cope, even through the roughest times.
Weve got this

I feel exactly the same! Coming up to 36 weeks and feeling partly excited but partly very anxious about how much our lives will change, about the birth etc. We can do this!!

I feel exactly the same! Coming up to 36 weeks and feeling partly excited but partly very anxious about how much our lives will change, about the birth etc. We can do this!!

I remember feeling some of what you've said OP. Being pregnant was such a strange experience but I loved it at the same time. I feel like having a baby has strengthened my relationship with my DP.

I can honestly say that my DS is my life and i could not have prepared myself for how much I love him.

You sound very thoughtful and I'm sure will be a great mum.

The fact that you're so worried about whether you'll be a good Mum suggests to me that you're going to be an excellent Mum.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant with my first and I had a blart about all of this this very morning. I could have written your post. The worry is constant and I feel so overwhelming responsible for this tiny human I'm carrying. I too am frightened about the future with my partner, frightened about the prospect of the baby tearing us apart rather than bringing us closer together, frightened that I won't cope with motherhood.

I had an ectopic pregnancy back in April so I've already spent my whole pregnancy so far envisioning every possible problem that could occur. I tend to focus on the negatives in life anyway so, like you, the horror stories people tell each other is enough to send me half demented.

One thing my Mum said the other day really struck me - "I'm glad I had my children back in the days before Google!" - and she's absolutely bloody right! Google is not your friend and when you're feeling a bit vulnerable anyway with all those pregnancy hormones flying around your body, it's very easy to lie awake at 3am convincing yourself you're going to birth the Anti-Christ because you've spent the last 4 hours going down a Google rabbit hole!

As someone who is in a similar boat to you, all I can say is take one day at a time. Limit your screen time. Focus on yourself. I'm sure you're going to make a wonderful Mum to your beautiful baby 🥰