31 weeks struggling with work

[uglynakedguy0808]

Hi ladies,

I am 31 weeks and due to start mat leave on 22nd October. I am working from home so I feel pathetic even writing this but I am struggling so much with work. I am not sleeping and this is impacting me hugely on a day to day basis as I am just finding I have no energy to sit and concentrate on a laptop all day, I'm not managing housework, all I want to do after the school run is get back into bed . I told my employer in April I was pregnant so plenty of time to get my maternity cover sorted but they haven't got anyone in until 11th October. I'll be expected to train her via teams (remotely). This is filling me with dread about how tired I'll be by this point. In an ideal world I would start leave now but im so concerned about my employer being angry as I wouldn't be able to do the handover. (I have written detailed notes as well as I can). Plus I believe something they sent me said I have to give a months notice if I want to start leave early so could I even consider going off early anyway? Does anyone have any advice for me? Shall I just try and grit my teeth and get through the next few weeks or shall I ask to leave early and therefore not be able to fo handover to my maternity replacement? It's worth mentioning I won't be returning to my employer after my mat leave. Thanks all x

I appreciate it’s tough - I sleep terribly during pregnancy too - but it’s a bit shoddy to not do a handover properly if that’s been discussed and expected of you. Have you told your employer how much you’re struggling? Would they be supportive?

I think mat cover starting two weeks before you’re due to go off is pretty good actually - most places I’ve been, there’s a bit of a gap.

I'm at a very similar stage to you.

Even though this is my second I think its impossible to predict how you'll feel at each stage. I've booked my maternity leave for a week before I'm due as also working from home and want more time off with baby, but also aware I could "go downhill" at any point.

I'd say do your best until you know it's too much for you. You can only do what you can, can't you? You don't want to push it until you feel wretched, when it's hard enough.

I'd be open with your employers, but even with notice...if you can no longer work how can you be expected to know month in advance???

Push through my love, as women we get discriminated against enough in the workplace without giving them more grounds to. If you’ve done detailed handover notes, this is brilliant. Since you’ll be training the person over Teams, could you ask if they could schedule in some time earlier than the 11th? I’m 34 weeks and want to work as late as possible so I can spend more time with the baby, but I’m definitely struggling too, full of an awful cough and cold and looking after my 6 year with Covid, and barely sleeping either. Could you have a quick 20 min power nap at lunchtime?

If you’re not returning after mat leave anyway, I would say then if you want to start mat leave to early go ahead and do that.

Alternatively you could try asking to go off sick through your GP?

I’ve been WFH and went on mat leave recently, I struggled toward the end with tiredness but actually it kept my mind occupied and I needed the money, and I want to return after mat leave. But if you don’t want to, you don’t have to

I'm 34 weeks and going off soon using some annual leave first. I'm WFH too and I would say that around 30/31 weeks I really struggled at work but it seemed to improve after a week or so. I got a second wind when mat leave was in sight at 32ish weeks. At the time I was exhausted working overtime and secretly crying every day with overwhelm/exhaustion. I asked my manager if I could use some TOIL or annual leave hours to finish one day at 4pm and go for a good nap. My work were really understanding and let me take an hour with no toil hit. It made the world of difference for me. Would there be any scope for you to finish early a few days and would it help you? I'd be inclined to struggle on myself or find a middle ground if possible.

Other than that I have no advice but to say that everyone's pregnancy is different and if yours is really challenging then there is no shame in that. You have to do what is right for you regardless of whether your employer will be cross about it.

I’m at the same stage as you. When I looked at changing my mat leave start date, I think they ask for 28 days notice ideally but if you can’t provide that they ask for as much notice as possible.

If you can hang on until the cover comes in, that would be great and shows willing. However, you’ve pulled together some detailed handover notes. Which is further than I’ve got, I’ve got one part of my job roughly written down and my work aren’t even making a point of recruiting cover my role (and I was planning on going back but might not if my job is in complete disarray). Can you ask work for an early finish or longer lunch break then you can have a rest?

I’m going to go against the grain here and say that you should start your leave earlier if you’re not coping. My employer didn’t have anyone to cover me until 2 weeks after my mat leave started, and it added so much stress to me. It wasn’t worth it.

Have an honest conversation with them and if they will not be more accommodating, get signed off. This is assuming you can afford to go off earlier and that you won’t be returning after mat leave (the latter wouldn’t bother me as much - after all, this is bad management on their behalf and that is not your problem).

If you are not managing then see your doctor about sick leave. Your maternity leave will then automatically start at 36 weeks.

Thanks everyone for all your replies. I'm not sure how it would go down asking for longer breaks or early finish as they would have to alter my pay and they aren't ever keen on messing with payroll but it may be worth an ask. I definitely don't want to leave anyone in the sh*t by going off early but I do have to put myself and my MH first. I think I'll carry on for the next week or so and hope like a PP said that I'll feel better when my leave date is in sight. I am happy to be WFH as it gives me a few extra minutes in bed in the morning so I suppose I should be grateful for that. I'll see how I get on, thanks everyone xxxx

Can you just take a week of sick to get some rest and then go back to finish up and do handover?