Why don't I want to tell anyone about pregnancy?

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Rosesareyellow · 27/09/2021 12:42

I was a bit like this - not anxious either, it just felt like a kind of private thing, in a nice cosy kind of way. We told family fairly early but I never did an ‘announcement’ and I would never share my scan pictures on Facebook. That again felt very private to me. It’s not that I didn’t want people knowing. I can’t explain it - there was just a ‘cosyness’ to it, that is the only word I can think of 😄 but I’m a very private person in general.

Buttetflybookkeeper · 27/09/2021 12:44

How did people react when you had your first child? Positive or negative? How is your life in general right now? Is it a sensible time to have a child?

I had something sort of similar when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I initially didn't want to tell DH when I got the positive test.

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 27/09/2021 12:48

I felt similar with my second pregnancy. Not particularly anxious or anything, I just didn’t really feel like telling people for a while, it was just nice for it to be private.
I think for me it was because my first DC was the first grandchild on both sides so our families were understandably very excited, which is lovely but I just found it very overwhelming and felt like people didn’t want to talk to me about anything other than the baby. This time they have been a lot more chilled about it anyway so it’s been fine.

Maybe you’re still trying to get your head around it all? Tell people when you’re ready, there is no rush. And FWIW I would be miffed if my DH told his parents before we had agreed to.

magicalmama · 27/09/2021 12:56

Sometimes it's nice just to have your private information as your own for a while.

People are just being nice, but sometimes getting enquiries all the time about how you're feeling and how the pregnancy is going makes it feel like you're answerable to other people about your pregnancy. It can feel like you're obliged by politeness to keep everyone updated, when really you just want to have some things for yourself.

PeaceLily2000 · 27/09/2021 13:03

For me it was the thought of having attention on me that made my less inclined to tell anyone. I don't like all the fawning!
I also agree about feeling private. The world is obsessed with sharing everything so it felt nice to have a secret that no one knew for a while! I've really pulled away from any online sharing as it just seems weird to me now and I don't want to fall in to the trap of feeling like your life isn't validated unless it's plastered all over Facebook.
I hope you get to the bottom of your feelings - it's very early days, take some time to process :) x

TakeYourFinalPosition · 27/09/2021 14:16

I’m 28 weeks pregnant and haven’t “announced” yet. A few of my close friends know, and DHs parents, but other than that, no one really does.

You’re in a more awkward position because of your parents, if they might find out from DHs… but other than that, it’s your news. Share it when you want to.

I’d never have guessed that we wouldn’t have widely said anything yet, but I’m not actively concealing it either, and it’s been a rough Summer. We’ll do it when it feels right.

shivawn · 27/09/2021 17:47

I don't think it really matters why you don't want to tell them yet. I didn't tell anyone until 18 weeks, wasn't anxious, just busy with other exciting things going on in life and I wasn't having symptoms or feeling pregnant at all so just didn't feel any rush to announce.

Original poster

ReeseWitherfork · 27/09/2021 19:16

How did people react when you had your first child? Positive or negative? How is your life in general right now? Is it a sensible time to have a child?

Yes all good really, sensible as ever time, life is good, everyone was positive first time. Both parents and inlaws have loads of grandkids.

Thanks for all the response, I think you're all generally right, it's just so nice to keep things to yourself especially in this wild world of oversharing. I'm so tired and so nauseas and so bloated that ultimately I just feel like I want to keep my head down for the next few weeks, make it to the scan and go from there.

Damn DH making me question this. Hes hard to fault normally but in this scenario he's lacking some serious tact.

OP posts:

ThePoint678 · 27/09/2021 19:36

I was similar with my second pregnancy. I just felt like it was no one else’s business. I found myself almost avoiding people so I could keep it to myself for longer. Like I wanted it to be mine for a little bit.

I actually didn’t tell anyone at work until about 30 weeks (it was pretty obvious but no one said anything directly to me!) and I announced it at a meeting that I’d take mat leave from X date… everyone just politely giggled and congratulated me as though I hadn’t needed to verbalise it!

Rosesareyellow · 27/09/2021 19:44

I'm so tired and so nauseas and so bloated that ultimately I just feel like I want to keep my head down for the next few weeks, make it to the scan and go from there.

I do look back at things with rose tinted glasses but when you mention nausea I suddenly have this flash back of me curled up on the sofa, feeling miserable and not wanting to talk to anyone - so that might have a lot to do with it too. I was really happy that I was going to have a baby, but not happy to be pregnant at that time if that makes sense. It doesn’t feel like the best time to share your news when you feel like crap but everyone wants to then shout happy and exciting congratulations at you. The thought of it is quite exhausting to me.

PremieMummy · 27/09/2021 20:10

Going through a similar thing myself... me and DH told our families at about 9 weeks, I'll be 20 weeks on Friday and we still haven't done the "FB announcement!" I don't think I'll even do it after our 20w scan on Thursday! I shared with our first, but like you, this is our second and I'm enjoying the fact it's more private. I only told my team at work as they were starting to talk about Christmas parties etc which I won't be going to!

I think its nice to have something to yourselves, but I agree that your DH should have discussed with you about telling his parents first.

MintJulia · 27/09/2021 20:22

I kept my pregnancy to myself until I was about four months. Only one sister knew.

DP had told people when I'd asked him to delay, I knew my work would judge, I didn't feel secure. What I really wanted to do was hole up somewhere and fend off all their nastiness.

Are you sure you're ok?

Original poster

ReeseWitherfork · 27/09/2021 20:56

Are you sure you're ok?

Thanks MintJulia, I think I'm ok. It's hard to be sure through the first trimester crap, but I'm definitely happy about the baby.

I never did a big announcement with my first. Luckily I was just past the 12 weeks when my friends went out for a Christmas do so got to tell all the important people at once.

Interesting that lots of other people didn't tell people until late on. I don't think I told my team at work until about 20 weeks last time, and mainly because they were going to put my maternity cover advert out.

It's hard isn't it... To have to announce it to people when you're a bit of a private introvert. And telling people does feel like an announcement however you do it. I know my mum will be over the moon, I should just bite the bullet and share it with her!

OP posts:

bez91 · 27/09/2021 21:21

I get you OP. I'm almost 7 weeks pregnant with #2. I have had 3 miscarriages in the last 18 months which has robbed me of a lot of happiness this time round but I don't think it's that and then having to tell people if something goes wrong that's stopping me from wanting to tell people. I wouldn't tell anyone now anyway but if I'm lucky enough to go full term I'd happily just have the baby and tell everyone after! In reality I know that won't happen but it's likely that people at work will find out before family and for some reason that doesn't seem to bother me 🤷‍♀️ I'm half wondering if it's because as messed up as it sounds that it's because others will be more excited than me, not because I'm not grateful but it's hard to get excited after 3 miscarriages for self preservation.

I feel a family baby shower is going to make me out it sooner than I want too but otherwise would rather wait until 20 weeks. If your mum will be a support go for it!

Ragwort · 27/09/2021 21:26

I was the same, I would never do a big announcement or anything like that. I do think it is a private matter ... and sorry if this is painful for women struggling to conceive but it honestly didn't feel a big deal to me .... millions of women around the world have unprotected sex and get pregnant. And it's not really that exciting news for anyone else.

Ragwort · 27/09/2021 21:27

Sorry Bez my post will seem very tactless straight after your's. .

WeGoAgain123 · 27/09/2021 22:26

@ReeseWitherfork

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and I'm yet to tell anyone, including parents. I'm very close to my family. It's a second baby, and I think I told my parents when I was about six weeks first time round. I'm not naive to why it's standard to tell most people until 12 weeks but at the same time I'm not overly anxious.

I wasn't overly bothered that I wasn't ready to tell anyone, but I just found out DH told his parents about three weeks ago and didn't tell me. My parents and DH parents do cross paths, so it would be sensible for me to tell my parents so that they don't find out an alternative way, but I can't bring myself to.

I've got a lot of feelings I can't unpick and they all largely feel irrational. I feel betrayed by DH, I don't mind him telling them but why lie to me! Something is making me feel really nervous about people knowing.

I can't help but think there is something wrong with me for not wanting to share this happy news with my parents. I know it's my choice when to tell people, but I can't work out why I don't want to. Was hoping someone might care to psychoanalyse to help me get to the root of why...

I've felt like this up until this week.

I've suffered pretty horrible morning sickness and i know that played a huge factor, I just couldn't face being all excited about it when I felt so miserable a sick.

We ended up telling my MIL last week as I was so ill we needed to draft in some help.

I'm feeling better this week now, almost too top (although my DD has just tested positive for Covid today so it's like one big horrible joke if I get portly again straight away)

My scan is on Friday (hoping my hubby won't test positive before now and then) and then I'm going to tell everyone ♥️

Lollipop25 · 02/10/2021 00:09

I'm 22+5 and have no interest in all the fussing in work and fake congrats from family so don't even know when I'll tell the families. DH knows from week 4 but I have asked him to not say as we've had losses. He accidentally told my mother on both of my kids🤦‍♀️😂 have a DD10 and DS9 already and I can already hear the 'that's a big gap' 'was it planned'

toadstool32 · 02/10/2021 07:12

I'm 18+1 and didn't tell a soul until 16w. Only work and family know. Fb posts are cringey?

toadstool32 · 02/10/2021 07:12

!

Allthingspeaches · 02/10/2021 07:22

Nothing wrong with wanting to keep it close for however long you want.

With my first I announced at 24 weeks. I'm 35 weeks with my second and still haven't announced and I don't think I will until baby is here. It's only people who've seen me that know and that's alright.

Talk to your husband though about how you feel so that you're on the same page going forward.

PrimeraVez · 02/10/2021 07:43

I was the same with my 3rd baby.

It was very much an unplanned pregnancy and I partly put off telling people as I didn’t want their gushing congratulations for a situation I wasn’t 100% overjoyed with.

I’ve also had several miscarriages, so always feel weird when people announce, as there’s a really bitter part of me that always thinks ‘don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched’

I am also quite a private person and just couldn’t be bothered with all the questions and comments.

And I was in quite a precarious position at work so was nervous about how the news would go down with my boss.

(I was also the same when DD actually arrived - I didn’t rush to post on social media or message family and let them know. I took a little bit of time to just be in the moment and enjoy a bit of privacy with just me, the baby and DH and I know it put my mum’s nose out of joint a little bit but I don’t regret it one bit)

traveltheworld1986 · 02/10/2021 07:56

I'm currently 9 weeks with number 2 and haven't really told anyone (although my parents do know as we have recently been on holiday with them). I think for me it's the tiredness and nausea that make me not want to see people/share our news. I literally feel like hibernating all winter!
We had an early week scan a couple of weeks back and I felt really excited seeing the heartbeat, although slightly overwhelmed as obviously this time we know what's to come!
With my first I never announced anything so I won't with this one either. I think the first trimester symptoms have a lot to do with how you are feeling, I find the first few months so tough physically and emotionally, so I'd rather keep myself to myself until it passes ❤

Whereland · 02/10/2021 08:13

I know that for me I was a little bit embarrassed about how young my first baby still was, ridiculous when I think about it now but I just didn't want any shocked or negative reactions! Is your first child still young?

mummytotwoboys0600 · 02/10/2021 11:38

I am over 8 weeks and yet to tell anyone either. This pregnancy was unplanned and I already have a 6 year old and a 9 month old baby. I guess afraid of my parents reaction and that's the reason I've not told them yet. Good luck x