Positive discrimination in pregnancy

[desperateforcoffee]

Hey everyone!

Long time Mumsnet follower, first time poster Apologies for the long post but here goes…

I’d like to get some perspective on my current situation in work. I’m in my early 30s and 22 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I currently work for a very large tech firm within a fast-paced, senior creative role (desk job). So far, my employer has been incredibly accommodating and have been fantastic with my pregnancy. However, I am finding that they are starting to tread a line between being caring and positive discrimination.

For example, we’ve had a large short-term product launch this week and it feels like some of the team members have had a conversation about protecting my capacity - in turn I’ve seen my colleagues struggle with the workload while I’ve been sat there twiddling my thumbs. I’ve asked people if they need assistance or if I can pick anything up but they’ve said to just relax. I’ve had previous conversations with my team leads, line manager and project managers saying I’m comfortable with having the usual level of work in line with a product launch and I will speak up if the work is unmanageable.

What’s worse is that several colleague have been mentioning that they’ve noticed I’m being ‘wrapped in cotton wool’ and have asked if I’m okay with it.

With larger, longer term projects, I’ve been coaching a younger member of staff to pick up these projects while I’m on maternity leave - I know this is for her development and am happy to split up projects I would usually lead on myself and to be on hand if assistance is needed.

It seems like they’ve completely ignored what I’ve said previously and are making their own assumptions.

I’ve read what other women go through on this forum with unreasonable employers. This situation feels like a storm in a teacup but I can’t shake off this feeing that they’re overprotecting me when I’ve not asked for the assistance with my workload. Is this my pregnancy brain and hormones?! Should I just have an easy ride for a few months?

I’m planning on having a conversation with my line manager early next week to bring up concerns and to ask not to make assumptions - I’m pregnant and fully able to work at a desk job!

What would you do Mumsnetters?

Definitely worth having a chat about it, but it may not be what you think it is. It's possible they're just (consciously or otherwise) trying to prepare for not having you around, and protecting themselves against an unexpected early departure by not giving you much responsibility.

I’ve found this post really interesting! I work in a similar industry to you and I'm having the opposite experience. Im getting no slack whatsoever to the point its actually jeopardising my health and I'm going to have to say I can’t cope, which is really distressing because im being made to feel that I shouldn’t expect any special treatment and be able to do 12 hour days in the office because ‘everyone’s tired and up against it’. Part of me wants to say to you, just enjoy it - I’m hating my pregnancy because work is so stressful but I do get your frustration especially with maternity leave looming that can be nerve wracking! I think have the conversation and maybe just keep asking to take on a bit more with your line manager and just do whatever you can to support your team from the sidelines! I also agree with the point above, even though I’m getting worked in to the ground they’ve made no secret they want to start getting stuff in place and looking at roadmaps from when I’m not there so maybe your work are doing that, but in a much nicer way!

You’re right, they’ve made no secret that they would love for me to hand over work and let other people take the lead where I would usually step into that role. They want me to do an official hand over of responsibilities in the beginning of December for a month with a member of staff. I’m also training up a junior member of staff with bigger project management - just so she knows who to contact in the organisation (there are thousands of us, so it can be difficult to navigate).

It just feels a bit crappy watching colleagues suffer when I could step in and help out - not from an ego or controlling point of view but as a team member.

I guess it’s a nice problem to have in the grand scheme of things!

@Amtheyest17

I’ve found this post really interesting! I work in a similar industry to you and I'm having the opposite experience. Im getting no slack whatsoever to the point its actually jeopardising my health and I'm going to have to say I can’t cope, which is really distressing because im being made to feel that I shouldn’t expect any special treatment and be able to do 12 hour days in the office because ‘everyone’s tired and up against it’. Part of me wants to say to you, just enjoy it - I’m hating my pregnancy because work is so stressful but I do get your frustration especially with maternity leave looming that can be nerve wracking! I think have the conversation and maybe just keep asking to take on a bit more with your line manager and just do whatever you can to support your team from the sidelines! I also agree with the point above, even though I’m getting worked in to the ground they’ve made no secret they want to start getting stuff in place and looking at roadmaps from when I’m not there so maybe your work are doing that, but in a much nicer way!

Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you’re going through this, especially at such a special time in your life! I’ve previously worked in places where I’ve worked 60-70 hour week without being pregnant and that was exhausting - I can quite imagine how you feel.

I hope you have some positive conversations with your line manager about what’s happening - you deserve better!