My partner is giving me the ick 😢

[Roserm]

Hi,

I’m currently in my first trimester and I am worried that I don’t have feelings for my boyfriend anymore. It’s making me question whether I can do this and I feel really sad.

Everything he does seems to annoy me, I feel like I don’t find him attractive, when he kisses me and hugs me or touches me I feel so sick and just want to be left alone.

I don’t know whether this is how I really feel or whether it’s hormones but it’s really getting to me. My partner even notices and tells me I’m cold towards him and I just feel so bad because he’s so lovely to me.

I don’t know what to do 😢

Hi OP
Sorry you are feeling down about this. I can relate in that I completely went off any physical contact with my DP over the last few weeks, but I don’t view it as getting ‘the ick’.

During this first trimester everything from from the D cat to weeds in the garden is giving me a sick feeling at the moment - hard to describe but I see it as part and parcel of morning sickness and hormones and being put off by so many sights and smells. I have been honest with my partner and said I can’t feel physically affectionate at the moment due to how sick I’m feeling and I think he’s okay with it.

Hi @Roserm, firstly congratulations! I just wanted to let you know that I felt exactly the same in the early weeks! My DP is so supportive and caring and I just went off him completely, everything he said and done irritated me. At night time when we would try cuddle or kiss me I would cringe. The smell of him, his aftershave, shampoo, everything just gave me the ick. I just didn't want him near me and I felt awful. I remember worrying that I'd gone off him and I'd made the biggest mistake by having a baby with him. However, after a couple of weeks all those feelings disappeared and I was back to loving everything about him again, it was very bizarre lol. I'm now 34 weeks and if anything I love him more, I want him around me all the time 🤣. Xx

I definitely got this in my first trimester, it was more of a touch aversion than a feeling of sickness for me, though the lack of attraction was there too. I think its part of the hormones & generally feeling so miserable from the symptoms and that caused my patience to be extremely low, especially since I was working full time & exhausted by that and using all my patience at work & just wanted to be comfortable and relaxed at home.
It was actually similar to a period of depression I had last year as well, it's one of my first signs, the touch aversion, so it might be antenatal mental health concerns but it may just go as your hormones settle in the second trimester.
My situation has definitely improved & luckily my husband was understanding because we'd had to deal with it before.
I would try and speak with your boyfriend about the absolute havoc the hormones can have on you physically and mentally.
If you boyfriend is being generally helpful & understanding, hopefully he can comprehend that it's not necessarily personal! (Time will tell I guess though).
It helped for me to explain something I knew my husband would really struggle with, in our case, the fact that I could barely eat and how horrible it was physically and mentally to have to force myself to eat but have no enjoyment from etc as he loves food and understood how miserable he'd be in that situation.
How far along are you? I know I really hated it when people would tell me it gets better because it didn't help how miserable I felt at the time but theoretically most symptoms do improve in the second trimester. My experience of the first trimester was it's all about survival!

First trimester is a motherf*cker - sorry I just had to say that. It can be such a hormonal rollercoaster due to the hormones being so out of whack. I’ve always struggled with first trimester blues and it took me down a dark path. Could be anything from not wanting the pregnancy, to not wanting to be around certain smells or rooms. Even being groced out by OH.

It WILL pass, that’s all I can say to comfort you. It WILL.

I think its hormones...definately if you were ok right before you got pg. I'm extremely moody with this pg too and wanna be left alone

Thank you so much everyone, I'm going to try and ride it out and hope that things go back to how they were asap! Nice to know I'm not alone

If you were fine before, it's almost certainly hormonal.

Tell him what's going on, don't just try to push yourself to be "normal" and sit on it. He'll know you aren't really and it will push you apart. You need to be honest about how you feel.

It's perfectly normal to feel like this, but please communicate how you're feeling with your partner, that you still love them and you just have to ride the hormone wave out.

Think of it like being all focused on the baby, or all touched out, but pull together not apart. Let him do things like rub your shoulders, get involved in baby preparations, learn how to help you in labour.