Pregnant again..need some perspective

[Luckyme30]

I’m 9 weeks pregnant and my first born will be 18 months when this baby arrives. Although it was planned, as soon as I found out I was filled with regret. I do suffer from low mood in early pregnancy and really suffered with my last.

There are a few things at play here, I just need someone to put things into perspective and tell me it’ll all be okay I guess..

Firstly I’m back at work and dreading telling them and now worrying how will we cope with 2 baby’s when I go on Mat leave again and my wage is cut dramatically;
I feel like my first born is going to miss out, 1 on nursery because we will not be able to afford to send him when I’m on maternity leave and 2 on our attention in general when the 2nd baby comes along;
And the last thing that’s playing on my mind and I’m sure is going to be an issue is that we owe my partners parents a small amount of money for home improvements (which we’ve been paying back steadily and will continue to pay until the new baby arrives when we’ll need to ask for a break or at least to make smaller payments whilst I’m on Mat leave).
Before anyone says anything they offered to help us out rather than us paying on finance for something and when they offered they made it clear that there would be no rush to pay back - however the goalposts seem to have moved a little since then!

I’m now wondering if we’ve made the right decision to have a baby and something just feels like the timing couldn’t be worse..

I think the things you are worrying about are all more than manageable, I would suspect that the low mood you had in your 1st pregnancy is on the verge of returning and a chat with the GP may be appropriate.

Good luck Op try not to catastrophrophise ( I know it's really hard), but children and babies are adaptable, a sibling quickly becomes the new normal, and your eldest is young enough to not even remember the time when they were a single dc.

I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal.

Having 2 under 2 will be intense but it's doable and they should be quite close growing up.

Any age gap has pros and cons. Yours will be that you'll have a lot of nappies to deal with but your sleepless nights will be concentrated in a shorter space of time.

Your DC1 also doesn't need nursery at 18 months. There's no evidence to suggest it's beneficial until 3 as far as I know. They'll be fine hanging around with you and the baby.

I got a sling so that I could do things like follow DC1 around at playgroup.

How long does your low mood in early PG usually last?

I had ds2 when ds1 was 12 months old

Yes it was hard at first but well worth it

They played together and adored each other

They are teens now and still get on really well

I don't think there's an easy age gap - I used to look at friends with a 3 or 4 year age gap and think it looked really hard work. Nappies and sleepless nights that never ended and kids with very different needs and interests

I much preferred the 1 year age gap

I don't think there's an easy age gap - I used to look at friends with a 3 or 4 year age gap and think it looked really hard work. Nappies and sleepless nights that never ended and kids with very different needs and interests.

Totally agree. I have a few friends and family who've waited until their first is in school before having DC2 because they though it would be easier but actually, entertaining a 3 year old and an 8 year old can be difficult as they both want different things.

I've got a large age gap with my sibling and really, really didn't want that for my DC.

Thank you all for your lovey responses. It’s made me feel a little more at ease about things.

I find I tend to suffer with low mood until around 16 weeks or so, I did have support from a specialist midwife for my first but not sure if that’ll be available with my second x

I did have support from a specialist midwife for my first but not sure if that’ll be available with my second.

Hopefully it will. Is there anything you can do to help yourself while you're waiting? Can you remember what happened last time, apart from waiting?

Thank you! Trying to get out and about for walks really helped so I’ve been trying to push myself to do that and just generally taking it easy (when my partners at home :)).

Oh if we wait everything to be perfect to have kids... we'd go extinct You'll adapt as always. Dont stress yourself with so many questions. And when parents find out youre expecing theyll forget you owe them anything . Dont think so much it will be fine

You planned this baby which means you wanted it so that’s positive. You’re now very scared as it’s actually real and happening and your minds going into overdrive. All the fears are surfacing and are probably magnified due to the hormones but deep down you know everything will be okay as these are all things you may have considered with your partner when you decided to try for a second.

First trimester can take you down a dark path, it’s happened to me. Best thing is to get help sooner rather than later especially if your last pregnancy was the same. Take a day at a time and overthinking is your biggest enemy at this point so try and enjoy each day and remember why you wanted to be pregnant again - a sibling for your first, a new addition to the family - so many lovely reasons.

Sending love x

@InnPain thank you! That really has put things into perspective for me. The first trimester really is a dark place for me, all the doubts creep in. I tried in my last pregnancy to get help from the perinatal mental health team but I wasn’t high priority, unfortunately by the time I had a specialist midwife I was around 16-20 weeks when it all went away.. just have to ride this out as best I can.

Thank you all for your responses x