Worried about telling work

[SherbertLemons]

I'm very newly pregnant (only 5 weeks) and very happy about it as it's something I've dreamed of for many years, and I'm also the wrong side of 35. However, I am already starting to worry about telling my employer that I'm expecting.

I've only been with the company for a year.

I'm not the newest member of the team but not far off.

I'm in a professional high pressure role.

There have been several of the team on Mat leave over the past year or two and I don't think anyone in the team would guess I'm next (especially my boss) for various reasons, mainly as I haven't been there that long and I haven't been with my DP for that long (compared to a lot of my colleagues relationships/marriages).

A team member made a joke last week "don't worry im not pregnant" which was said in complete jest as we are incredibly busy at the moment and, as I said above, there has been a bout of pregnancies within the team (you know the usual jokes about there being a special chair). Our boss did a nervous laugh and made face I can only describe as "I have to be professional and neutral but oh no, please don't be, not another one!" (If you can put all that in a facial expression, I'm sat there thinking shhhhiiittttt!

I know I'm not allowed to be discriminated against because I'm pregnant but it's not going to be well received is it?!?

Is everyone else feeling like this?

When it does come to telling my boss how is it best to do it? I'll obviously have to ask to have a chat in private but how do you actually say it and what do you follow it up with? Is there a good way of phrasing it?

I was planning on telling work around 12 weeks or just before the Xmas break so I can say it and then run away and give them time to process it (and get over the shock/internalised disappointment) over the Christmas holidays.

Any thoughts welcome! There must be lots of us worrying.

It is never as bad as you imagine it to be.

I started a professional job at 17 weeks pregnant this month. I was offered the job in May and found out I was pregnant shortly after. I decided to tell them early on to show transparency, but I was so worried about telling them. They were shocked but everything has been fine. Life happens at the end of the day.

I'm 13 weeks todayand work in a high pressure very stressful role and know taking maternity leave will cause a nightmare. I'm planning on not telling for as long as I can get away with it. Hopefully will make it to 25 weeks before it's obvious which is the latest you can leave it to tell work. It's my first and no bump yet but I'm tall so it should take longer to show properly.

I do completely understand, but this makes me so sad. I'm an employment lawyer and I see a lot of pregnancy and maternity discrimination and you only have to read some of the comments on Pregnant then Screwed or Mother Pukka's articles to see how a lot of people view pregnant women (hint: not favourably). OP the fact is you are pregnant, you shouldn't have to feel scared or apologetic. Don't let this rob you of any pregnancy joy. Work will just have to deal with it!

My employer (owner of company - American company) was horrendous! I knew it wouldn’t go down well, but he just kept going on how awful it was for business/him 😂 so whatever the reaction it surely can’t be worse than mine!

Thank you for your replies everyone. @lawandgin your words have been my mantra in my head. They will just have to deal with it....

I understand as I am in the same boat OP. Only been at my job 5 months and trying with DP. Was in my previous job for a lot longer. Life goes on.

@SherbertLemons aw, that's good. I know this is a bit morbid, but I always remind myself that no matter how good I am at my job, or how dedicated, if I was hit by a bus there would be someone sat at my desk replacing me before my funeral was over! You owe them nothing x

@lawandgin I always say that too!! Sorry to jump in. That is very true.

@Pugmumm no, it's fine- glad I'm not the only cynic around here

Definitely have to be sometimes ! @lawandgin

@lawandgin hahah it's funny because it's very true.

I understand this too as I have to tell my boss tomorrow even though i’m only 4 weeks, i’ve been on annual leave for a few weeks while we go through IVF after 4 years of infertility which me and my husband have kept secret. But because i am a nurse i need to tell my manager asap before i go back to work on monday as i won’t be able to do the manual handling patients or any heavy visits or go to covid patients etc, i’m really scared about telling her but i’m just going to message her tomorrow i’m lucky she’s very approachable and there hasn’t been any pregnancies in the team for 4-5 years lol. It’s hard telling them but as you say they aren’t allowed to discriminate against us anyway it doesn’t matter how our bosses choose to feel about it they are our babies ☺️ good luck xx

I've been with my company 3 and a half years...I work in a small team (which is always struggling financially). I dreaded telling work, but then I got a video call from HR (and she was literally bouncing all over the screen in excitement which made me feel a little better).

Then my boss left, and we got a new one - I wimped out and asked my line manager to tell him...who then left himself.

The situation is what it is.