Not enjoying pregnancy like I am being told I should

[LDStar]

Hi, FTM here and I am 19w. I have a slightly raised BMI of 35 but generally in good health.

I don't really know what I want to say here, but I know I am not feeling 100% happy with my pregnancy. I am being told by so many people to enjoy it and it's such a special time. But for me, I am not enjoying being pregnant, I ache and am tired all the time from the restless nights. And I'm fully aware it's going to get worse as the weeks go by.

I am working full time, WFH at the moment which is taking a lot of my mind energy. Also the world and his wife wants to see me so that's my weekends gone. All lovely things, but it means hubby and I haven't even started thinking about preparing for baby.

My husband is supportive, but has recently said he didn't feel any emotions towards our 12 week scan for the baby, and now the 20 weeks scan is next week and I'm just nervous that he still won't have any feelings towards baby. He has said he probably won't feel anything until its here. I know its different for the man, but I can't help but feel sad.

I am starting to get anxious about covid going into the winter, although I am double vaccinated.

Also, I feel so fed up with reading my phone or laptop screen for pregnancy information. Maybe due to covid I feel like face to face supoort is just gone.

Trying to find maternity clothes that don't cost a fortune in my size (18-22) where I can try on in a shop rather than order 100s of pounds worth at a time to return almost everything is also very annoying and again just makes me feel sad.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel... not quite right.

@Arghlife I totally understand what you mean about feeling fatter. I know my bump is because my tummy is being pushed forward so I just look fatter. I want to skip this bit and have an obvious bump!

@NannyPear I hope so! So good to hear your enjoyed it.

@KeepSmiling89 oh wow good luck with the house move!

Thank you, I haven't tried boohoo so will have a look at them and DP for clothes

@mumofmunchkin haha, yea I think you're right, they must just forget all the varied symptoms! I have had some nice bits too so far, it's not all doom and gloom like I've made it out to sound. Just feeling overwhelmed recently. I am going to hold onto looking forward to meeting my baby and that first cuddle feeling to get me through this.

Hi OP. I totally sympathise. Some of it is rubbish. But a lot of it is good training about boundaries and ditching expectations and guilt.

Please take it easy and rest. Use these last weeks to do what YOU want or need to do.

Do sign up for anything for pregnancy in-person. Yoga was my time and I met a nice friend there. The content of the birth classes doesn’t matter nearly as much as the support network. Part of that is right now, in our yoga group we had 8 or so women all pregnant so a good chance to share worries, moans, and tips.

And best to just accept that maternity clothes are 99% sold online. It’s a pain but it’s just how it is. Personally I found one pair of jeans I loved and wore them most days.

@RossIsTheBestFriend thank you I am definitely feeling guilty about not enjoying it. Which is why it took me so long to reach out on here. And I am so glad I have done.

I haven't felt anything yet, so am craving the day I feel a kick and my husband can feel the kicks too.

I'm so sorry you couldn't have your partner for scans and appointments, I don't know how I would have coped with that!
We are hoping to make a list soon, and I think then we will feel more prepared as seeing it on paper rather then whizzing around my head will help both of us.

I have decided leggins are the way to go. I haven't looked at love leggings, I will check them out. I have also brought items from bump it up and yours. Its a bit hit and miss with sizing, but have found some lovely longer tops and long cosy jumpers for winter. All to wear with leggins!

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy you are so right, when I think about my friends and family who are saying these things, they have had a really positive experience or not been through it at all. I am really lucky to have such positive people around me, but it makes it hard when they just look at me like I'm an alien for saying something remotely different or negative.

My husband is so good and supportive, and goes through up and downs with his feelings towards this pregnancy. I guess a bit like I have been. I think I need to cut him some slack. I am hoping once we start feeling baby's kicks that we will feel more of a connection with baby. And if not then I am coming to realise today that it's ok not to feel lots of emotions.

Thank you

[quote LDStar]@RossIsTheBestFriend thank you I am definitely feeling guilty about not enjoying it. Which is why it took me so long to reach out on here. And I am so glad I have done.

I haven't felt anything yet, so am craving the day I feel a kick and my husband can feel the kicks too.

I'm so sorry you couldn't have your partner for scans and appointments, I don't know how I would have coped with that!
We are hoping to make a list soon, and I think then we will feel more prepared as seeing it on paper rather then whizzing around my head will help both of us.

I have decided leggins are the way to go. I haven't looked at love leggings, I will check them out. I have also brought items from bump it up and yours. Its a bit hit and miss with sizing, but have found some lovely longer tops and long cosy jumpers for winter. All to wear with leggins![/quote]
@LDStar You’ll feel baby soon I’m sure 😊 Ive just looked back and I think I was around 25 weeks when my partner started feeling kicks so hopefully not too long for you 😊

It was pretty rubbish, but to be honest, we had a healthy baby and I just try and keep that in perspective 😊

Completely agree about it being better seeing your list on paper! It makes things a bit easier!

Definitely check out Love Leggings. You’ll find hundreds of posts on here recommending them on here - that’s where I heard of them 😊 If you’re ordering them then just go for your normal size.

I sympathise so much OP . I hated being pregnant I was in a constant state of depression.
What didn't help was a really good friend of mine was pregnant at the same time and was loving it , talking about the elusive pregnancy glow ' . She was 'nesting' all through her pregnancy. I on the other hand was miserable and didn't have the emotional strength to be so organised.
Felt like a failure , we are all different but pregnancy was not enjoyable at all . Xx

Oh I hated pregnancy. I thought I would breeze it I was young and fit. First 4 months I had crippling daily headaches, then at 4 months pelvic pain kicked in and I couldn't walk by a couple months. It was horrendous. We had tons of scares with my son so I had lots of scans and waiting. The whole thing was awful.

Yes some people have a nice pregnancy but lots of women don't.

I suppose all I'd say is try to rest when you can, look on eBay etc for maternity wear and enjoy that you can sleep in at weekends 🤣

@museumum I definitely agree with you, I need to start putting me and bump first and doing things that my husband and I want to do before baby is here. I have just signed up to aquanatel yoga for some me time and I can't wait!

And your right, I need to accept that clothes are mainly online. It's just such a pain haha

Thank you

Not read the whole post but lol at 'enjoying pregnancy' just survive it and you'll get the baby at the end.

@RossIsTheBestFriend thank you about 25 weeks, that's good to know, I will stop putting pressure on myself that I haven't felt anything yet!

@MakkaPakkas haha thank you!

@MiddleEasternMummy thank you
It's so hard isn't it! Seeing and hearing others have the most wonderful time. We must all have good and bad days right? I'm trying to hold onto that anyway lol

@doadeer I'm so sorry you had those pains and scares. I'm coming to realise that pregnancy is unbelievable hard and not everyone has the best of experiences. I am definitely going to start resting more, I think I need to before I burn out lol

Thank you ladies for your kind and supportive words.

I woke up this morning feeling so alone and not sure how I would face the day and in two minds about speaking out as it's so unlike me to say something. But I am so glad I did.

I am going to hold onto all the advice and kindness throughout my pregnancy and know that I am not alone with these thoughts and feelings.

Thank you

I'm 32 weeks and I'm so ready for this to be over. I'm in pain , I'm exhausted , I'm stressed dealing with hospitals and worrying . Spent the first 12 weeks barely able to eat, throwing up and crying . The 2nd trimester was the best but I am not having a good time and people who tell me to enjoy it make me want to scream. At least I can give the crying baby to someone else so I can rest but there is no offloading your womb 🤣

I absolutely loathed being pregnant. I was grateful, but also vomiting, anxious, depressed, exhausted and I felt a loss of identity already. After an induction and EMCS (absolutely fine experience btw, just no sleep for days) I was so bloody chirpy because I was NO LONGER PREGNANT!

It's also worth reminding ourselves what we put ourselves though during pregnancy. Definitely allowed to feel knackered!!

www.bbc.com/news/health-48527798.amp

I also did not enjoy being pregnant. I remember with my first telling myself “at least you get to skip 9 periods” and then finding out that after birth, you bleed long and enough to more than make up for it. So that was the one positive thing cancelled out.
From throwing up to fainting to joints aching and feet swelling, I hated it. But if you want a child, and I did, you have to go through it as a woman. I dont regret any of my pregnancies, but to say they’re enjoyable is laughable.

FMT here too.

I have just sort of floated through this pregnancy in a state of ‘meh’. Currently 30 weeks. A friend said to me “I loved it when I was pregnant and I could feel her kicking inside and she was all mine” – I’ve thought about this, and now the more I feel baby move, the more I’m ‘enjoying it’. I’m not enjoying it as such – I’m exhausted and now starting to get uncomfortable. I’m getting more connected, the more I do for baby, sort clothes, sort room etc.

I’ve started a countdown from work; so that is keeping me going at the moment. My work have gone back to the office a couple of days a week, but as I was nearly 28 weeks I asked to continue working from home (higher covid risk)..whilst this is my choice, I am missing out on physically seeing my work colleagues and friends.

Antenatal classes are starting up in my area (non of them NHS though), so it might be worth asking your midwives about this. I was speaking to a neighbour about this and said I’d just like to go and speak to someone and she said that everyone goes with a partner so no one speaks to each other – she advised baby classes afterwards were more valuable. I have watched 1000s of youtube videos which have really helped me.

You are going to have to learn to say no to your friends wanting to see you; you can still see them, just make sure you dedicate a day or hours to sorting stuff at home/baby.

As for maternity clothes, the cheapest places I’ve found are ASDA, boohoo and ASOS (I’m tall so really limited on tall maternity trousers). I haven’t tried them but apparently H&M do nice maternity wear too.

You are totally allowed to feel like this OP. Currently pregnant with my 4th (and last) I did actually enjoy my other pregnancies (when the sickness had gone) but this one is draining me. I can barely stay awake in the day but feel restless at night and cant get comfy. Although I must say the 2nd trimester has been much easier on me than the first. I was hospitalized with HG and have never felt so Ill in my life. Looking after 3 children one being only 18 months while suffering intense nausea and vomiting isnt fun at all.