When to tell people

[hermioneweasley44]

I'm only 7 weeks pregnant but I've booked an early scan for a week today by which time I'll just just 8 weeks pregnant.

I have a dc already and I'm really wanting to tell him the news ASAP. For staffing reasons I feel like my work also need to know sooner rather than later. But at the same time I'm still frightened something might go wrong and that I should wait til 12 weeks.

Wwyd? If everything looks ok at next weeks scan would you tell a couple of people or wait?

I would tell work, just make it clear to your boss that the information is confidential for now and you'll tell colleagues when you're ready.
With DC it's a personal choice. I chose to wait until 12 week scan this time as last time we told them after an early scan and I then went on to miscarry at 10 weeks, my eldest took it way harder than I expected and I wanted to minimise the risk of putting him through that again.

@BelieveInRainbows so sorry to hear that. That's my worry, things are generally quite a bit safer after the 12 week mark aren't they? If I wasn't having an early scan I certainly wouldn't think of saying anything until 12 weeks anyway, so maybe best to wait.

I’d wait until 12 weeks

I'd tell people you'd be comfortable telling about any potential miscarriage to be honest. Hopefully that won't happen of course! But I wouldn't tell anyone who you wouldn't want to know about an MC. That includes work. No workplace would expect to know this early, regardless of staffing.

Due to a previous late second trimester loss, I didn't tell my work until 25 weeks this time, which is the latest you can do it. I was working from home obviously or the bump would have been an issue! Despite this causing work significant staffing challenges, they were absolutely fine with it. My mental health came first.

I'd only tell people you would also tell about a miscarriage or termination due to an abnormality. Sorry to sound grim but if that happens, you might feel worse if more people know.

Whenever you want to. We told the in-laws at 10 weeks - DH would have wanted them to know even if something had gone wrong. We told three friends at around 12 weeks, because we happened to see them then. I’m now 26 weeks and we haven’t told anyone else - it hasn’t felt relevant yet.

Statistically it’s “safer” after 12 weeks, but that feeds into the idea that you wouldn’t tell anyone if the worst happened. That’s true for me; but I think it’s an unusual view now; a lot of people would still want the support of their family and friends… so in that case, there’s no issue with them knowing earlier.

Congratulations!

@hermioneweasley44 I found out at about 4 weeks, told my boss only at 5 weeks (as was having symptoms and so a risk assessment could be done - but asked them to keep it quiet for now). We had a private scan at about 8 weeks, then we told parents, grandparents and immediate family. We then had the 12 week scan and then told our friends and others.

So it is completely personal choice. But if you are comfortable doing so, maybe tell work now? In regards to your DC, I would personally say wait until after the 12 week mark. At least that way, god forbid anything bad was to happen, then you wouldn't have to try to ex

oops posted too early!

...explain to them what has happened (after 12 weeks it is classed as "safer"), and also you would be able to show your DC your scan photos.

@hermioneweasley44 it's personal choice. I'm 7 weeks and had my early scan this weekend for DC1.
Personally we've told DM and MIL the moment we got our BFP. Told my best friend as soon as we had our early scan (we talk about everything). Other friends I've seen have guessed due to my not drinking but I've not officially told them.
I'm office based but wfh due to Covid etc so not planning to tell work until around 20 weeks (ahead of Xmas break) though legally I could wait until mid jan.