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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant with number three but really not ready

6 replies

ShannDX · 10/09/2021 21:24

Long story short I have a serious problem with contraception, I have tried everything and it all comes with debilitating side effects for me the coil ended up in me loosing too much blood constantly I was on my period and I was so ill. The pills make me very angry and suicidal and it's just not safe for me, the marena and the implant and the depo also do the same we were actually discussing getting my tubes tied because it seemed my only option. We rely on condoms, stupidly one night we forgot for literally a minute and pulled out and put it straight on. We used condoms strictly before I fell pregnant last time we did our thing and not even 24 hours later I had morning sickness and was emotional ! I was always told I would struggle having children by doctors because of severe scar tissue in my womb from a c-section and diabeties. I wouldn't mind either but me and my partner have low libidos and rarely have sex.

I started feeling ill a while ago and it got worse I put on weight and my mental health went down hill so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. My last period was 5th July which I think marked me around 9 weeks ?

I'm really not in a place for this right now my son is only 8 months and I have a 5 year old daughter. My relationships great with them, I do so much better as a mum to 2 that I did to 1. I have the perfect amount of time for them. I also do not think I could do 2 under 2 !

We live in a two bed council house that we have currently put a lot of work and money into so weren't planning to move for another 5 years. My partner works we do ok but it's not the most reliable as he's self employed and if the weathers not great he cant go out and work in his customers gardens.

Our relationship is also very rocky, it's not helped others my hormones amplifying everything but still we had problems before that. We nearly broke up two months ago and are trying to fix things, we still don't know if it's going to work out although we are trying.

My last pregnancy was also difficult I had severe sickness and pelvic pain , I'm diabetic and not allowed to drive because of it, my nearest hospital is 2 train journeys and 40 mins walk, my partner doesn't drive yet he is just about to start lessons. I was up there anything from once to four times a month and was in and out in the end due to complications which I also had the first time.

I also had an epesiotomy and it was mentally scaring ! It got infected and abcessed, twice and I spent a month unable to sit or move because of it.

Also my mental health was the best it's ever been in my life before all the hormones and don't want to jeopardise that, I was finally free after suffering badly for the last 15 years.

I really feel like I have to have an abortion I just don't think I can put my body, mind or kids through it all, and I feel like it will disrupt everything and could destroy us. But I'm filled with guilt and thoughts of the baby and how it's a life we created and it's not their fault. I have always said I'd never get an abortion unless there was a serious reason other than my stupidity but now I'm hear I don't know what to do. It's breaking my heart thinking of every outcome and how little time I have and every day longer I spend thinking about it it's getting worse, the first day I just wanted abortion, now I fear how I will live with myself and the guilt of it and if I can go through with it. I don't know what I want, maybe some advice ? Please no hate I'm really beside myself.

OP posts:
sexesam · 10/09/2021 23:18

I really don't know what to say but I want to say something so that you know somebody has read and hope that takes away a little of the pain.
You really are stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I think your mental health will suffer whether you abort or carry on. My advice would be to talk to a professional, just the talking may help sort things out in your head. The only other thing is that if you feel that you are a better mum now you have two maybe you will feel an even better mum with 3. Especially as I assume your eldest has just started school, you have some 'rest bite' then. However you seem like hormones reek havoc on your body so maybe it would be better on your children if you did not continue. Are the complications of previous pregnancies likely to reoccur in this one?
I'm sorry you are in such a state and I hope you can resolve things for yourself.

ShannDX · 11/09/2021 16:55

I really don't know what to say but I want to say something so that you know somebody has read and hope that takes away a little of the pain.
You really are stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I think your mental health will suffer whether you abort or carry on. My advice would be to talk to a professional, just the talking may help sort things out in your head. The only other thing is that if you feel that you are a better mum now you have two maybe you will feel an even better mum with 3. Especially as I assume your eldest has just started school, you have some 'rest bite' then. However you seem like hormones reek havoc on your body so maybe it would be better on your children if you did not continue. Are the complications of previous pregnancies likely to reoccur in this one?
I'm sorry you are in such a state and I hope you can resolve things for yourself.

Sorry I didn't reply my heads been pickled and my daughters been in hospital with an ear infection. Thankyou for listening I really appreciate it. That's how I feel I think both will impact me mentally. I think that's a good idea Thankyou I will have a look for one. Yes she's on her second year of school so it does give me more time. Yes they do they really don't suit me and pregnancy it mentally so difficult for me to get through. The blood pressure problems and diabeties and growth problems are likely to come back but I think I'd have to go for a c-section as I just could not cope with an episiotomy infection again. It's ok Thankyou, this is the most horrible decision I have ever been through.I really want to be able to talk to my partner about it all but he's being really difficult.

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MissBPotter · 11/09/2021 17:04

I think you have more than enough reasons to have an abortion. I’ve just had an episiotomy with dc 3 and it was bloody hideous, I’ve said to myself I would have to abort if I ever got pregnant again. Don’t beat yourself up about this, it happens and you have totally valid reasons, you are prioritizing your children and your physical and mental health which is completely the right thing to do.

PaperDolphin · 11/09/2021 17:08

One accident doesn't mean you have to torture yourself like this. It's absolutely fine to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. Believe me, I work with children who were not wanted and it always amazes me that people think this is the moral option over termination. Concentrate on the children you already have, do what you need to do and move on with your life. Good luck xx

GingerFigs · 11/09/2021 17:26

I think you need to put yourself, your mental health and your physical health first. This will enable you to look after the two children you already have. By adding a third into the mix you risk hugely disrupting the lives of your existing children and potentially pushing yourself to the edge, and that would be disastrous.

Please don't torture yourself over a child who is not yet here. Your current children are here and need you. Your post notes issue after issue, your relationship sounds like it's hanging on by a thread. You have a choice. Honestly, I think you should terminate. Massive hugs Thanks

ShannDX · 27/09/2021 22:37

Thankyou so much for the advice and sorry for the delayed response my heads been a mess.
I decided to go to the gp and talk about abortion. They weren't really helpful they tried to make me wait a while which would just make things worse so I rang an agency they manager to get me in sooner but the scan is tomorrow and the main appointment still a couple of weeks away I have booked in but they need to scan as I could be anything up to 13 weeks going by the dates. I think I can go though with it if I'm under 12 weeks. But I don't think I can get through it if I'm any further the I just don't think I could morally do that. It's not that I don't agree with abortion it's that I don't agree with the method of it after 12 weeks and it doesn't sit comfortably with me. They have given me a councillor so I'm just working through everything before I make my decision. Thankyou for all the advice.

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