Disappointing reactions from friends on 3rd pregnancy

[blondeirishmummy84]

I am 12 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby, I have a 2.5 and 3.5 year old. 3rd baby wasnt really planned but husband and I are excited even if apprehensive at how we will manage with 3 kids! My 2 toddlers are almost like twins and the tantrums can be difficult at times so like any Mum, it can be tough going at times! We are also in a small 2 bedroom house (moving next year).
I had my dating scan during the week but last weekend at a playdate with a friend she jokingly asked me about having number 3, so I told her number 3 was due next March. Her face fell and she did eventually hug me and congratulate me but it didnt feel like she was excited for me, and alluded a few times about how hard it will be because its already tough for me.
Then last night I met a close friend for dinner and after telling her why I wasnt drinking alcohol, her face fell in shock, she actually said 'oh no' and kept looking at me like she felt sorry for me.
I just feel really deflated at these reactions, maybe I am being paranoid?
We are heading to tell our families face to face this weekend and I am just not looking forward to it if people are going to react like this.

Sorry, it’s ‘your own feelings’ — don’t know where the ‘welcome’ came from.

@IAmWomxxnHearMeRoar

I think a lot of these responses are quite mean. Yes, people are not going to be as excited for baby 3 as baby 1, and may be surprised, but you've every right to feel disappointed by them not congratulating you and being happy on your behalf. If you are announcing a pregnancy after 12 weeks, then clearly you want this - it would be totally different if you said you'd just done a pregnancy test - and that's all that matters. The environment argument doesn't wash. People can practice their own belief but don't rain on others parade. And anyway, in Britain the birth rate is dangerously low (1.6 I read this week, needs to be 2.1), so your LO is very much needed. I'm currently pregnant with DC2, but totally plan on a third and maybe a fourth. The only think I'm dreading is telling people bearing in mind the reactions on here......

Thank you. Yes baby number 1 announcements are always going to be much more excitable than 2nd, 3rd 4th etc. My husband and I are genuinely over the moon, we always wanted more than 2 children and hadnt ever totally ruled it out. Seeing our baby wriggle away at tour scan on Tuesday got us both as emotional (happy tears) as our previous scans with our other 2 children. I think people get confused as to why you would have more than 2, as if it doesnt make sense. I personally dont get it and agree with you on the environment issue. Many congratulations on your 2nd baby! Try to put some of the bold reactions out of your mind and focus on your love for your little family.

@SeriouslyISuppose

I think your attitude in your more recent posts is a bit strange, OP — an unplanned pregnancy with two demanding toddlers in a too-small house is not necessarily a ‘blessing’, unless that’s how you choose to regard it. A friend of mine terminated an unplanned third pregnancy in similar circumstances, for instance, cause for her the negatives outweighed the positives.

Mentioning others decision to have an abortion in similar circumstances is quite a callous comment to make.

@HumunaHey,I was specifically responding to the OP’s assertion that ‘regardless of planned/unplanned/too many children/usual parent stresses, it’s a blessing’ — the OP feels it is, which is great. Other people may feel differently in similar circumstances.

Thank you very much for your well wishes @IAmWomxxnHearMeRoar

@blondeirishmummy84 I totally get where you're coming from. My husband and I planned our third and it ended up taking over two years to fall pregnant. So we were obviously thrilled when it finally happened but when I shared my good news with two of my closest friends with children of the same age (7 and 9) their reaction was really disappointing and it made me feel really sad. I think they were shocked and almost disappointed that the balance of having kids of the same age was going to be ruined, plus they're a bit older so feel like their baby years are well and truly behind them. There was no congratulations and although they have warmed a bit to the idea now, they still don't seem to care very much about it. Thankfully everyone else we've told have been really excited and supportive so it hasn't all been bad, but I totally understand the disappointment of telling friends in the hope of getting a positive reaction but getting a look of confusion and disappointment instead. All you can do is tell yourself that as long as it's what you and your partner wants it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Congratulations and I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy x

Congratulations!

But yes. Announcing you are expecting a third does trigger different reactions to your first two. Folk get over it. But third children aren’t such a novelty.

Once you’ve had a third, however, they all expect you to want a fourth and don’t stop talking about it.

Congratulations! It's exciting, just ignore them! Currently pregnant with number 2 and also found people's reaction disappointing. It's like they don't care, even close family have barely checked in during my pregnancy. Such a contrast with being pregnant with your first, I had really enjoyed the fuss! Oh well!

Honestly km not sure because I don't know you but I was friends with a woman who I thought was a pretty bad mum (not terrible just didn't really have the patience and often just let her kids get on with it regardless of what it was and often ignored them due to the tantrums also mentioning how hard it was)
When she told me she was pregnant with her 4th when she had 2 toddlers I did do a little bit of a sputter and couldn't hide my disappointment although I just congratulated her and forgot about it but I did feel sorry for her and the kids.

I find this response shocking

If you're happy that's all that matters. Agree with pps people just don't get as excited by number 3. I'd argue 3.5 is really not a toddler though. If they were born at a different point in the year they'd be starting school in a few months. By 3.5 tantrums shouldn't be that frequent. I imagine being living in a small space is challenging though.

ZOMBIE THREAD

I agree. I think that was completely inappropriate.

I have one and we are done for a variety of reasons- but to have 3 - enjoy! Be blessed and ignore the comments - you will be fine

Congratulations OP. You’ll find your way through as we all do. Number 3 will just slot in because they have to. I have three, slightly bigger age gaps than yours but it was all fine and I had little help from family.

You sound quite self absorbed and precious.

Somehow it's ok for you to be apprehensive about how you're going to cope with a third child, but not for your friends to show the same.

I had a momentary poor reaction to a relative's pregnancy news. Different circumstances as I disliked her partner and thought he was a shitty parent and partner and was genuinely sad for her that she was having another child with him.

Had I taken another 10-20 seconds before I reacted then my face might have matched my words a bit more.

I'm sorry you are disappointed but I hope you understand that in lots of cases reactions like that might be out of concern or shock.

I know you said you don't complain a lot but have friends picked up on how hard you have found some things?

Oh god! I always check too.