Pregnant on DC2 at 21 years old

[Notsodomesticgoddess1]

I Just found out I’m pregnant again. I have a 3 year old from a previous relationship. I am only with current dp 7 months, I’m just going into my 3rd year of college in a 4 year course. I don’t know whether to terminate or not as nothing is really in my favour. I have a 2 bed apartment but wanted to have a house before having any more children let alone only being with dp 7 months. I do want a baby which is what’s making me doubt the ideas of an abortion. The thoughts of having to tell my family I’m pregnant again is what worries me the most. Does anyone have any advice or anyone that was in a similar situation that ended up getting an abortion or keeping it?

@spittycup is the baby’s father involved? Do you regret going ahead with the pregnancy?

My first has basically no input from her father, which in a way makes things more straightforward but I don't get maintenance. I didn't have much choice re keeping my first (long story) bit don't regret it. Never held me back.

I'm with the seconds father. I'd absolutely not continue if it meant being a single mother to two kids of two fathers at my age. But as I said in my earlier post, sometimes I do feel a bit like 'this is it' which can be overwhelming. Wouldn't say I regret number two either, but it needs to be considered much more carefully

One child by one man is not that uncommon, but two by two men is a bigger deal and will leave you more vulnerable

@spittycup but how can you be so sure you won’t end up a single mother to 2? How long have you been with dp?
I’m just so cautious after ds father that i’d still be second guessing with someone I was with for 10 years

[quote Notsodomesticgoddess1]@spittycup but how can you be so sure you won’t end up a single mother to 2? How long have you been with dp?
I’m just so cautious after ds father that i’d still be second guessing with someone I was with for 10 years[/quote]

Well, that's exactly it, I can't be sure. And it would be much worse this time round which is why sometimes I feel a bit stuck even though I'm mostly happy.

We are thinking about marriage though, not sure if you and you're DP are. Might be something to consider especially if he's better off than you.

But equally, a relationship doesn't have to last forever. If you have 10, 15 happy years together with your two kids and part ways on good terms, is that really so bad? It all depends on if you see a future with your partner as well.

I got pregnant at a similar point in the relationship as you, 6-7 months

I’m all for a woman’s right to choose but does anyone else find it weird that people post their termination posts on the pregnancy thread amongst all the many posts from women desperate not be having a miscarriage?! There is a pregnancy choices thread that might be a slightly more sensitive location:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy_choices

@SweetBabyCheeses99 agreed.

[quote SweetBabyCheeses99]I’m all for a woman’s right to choose but does anyone else find it weird that people post their termination posts on the pregnancy thread amongst all the many posts from women desperate not be having a miscarriage?! There is a pregnancy choices thread that might be a slightly more sensitive location:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy_choices[/quote]
Yup. THIS.

@SweetBabyCheeses99 I don’t find it weird whatsoever, I am pregnant therefore I posted on the pregnancy forum. I did not know there was a pregnancy choice forum because the pregnancy forum is much more popular and was the first one I saw.
I feel for anyone struggling with pregnancies, miscarriages etc but my own pregnancy and my own choice on whether to terminate or not will not in any way shape or form cause physical harm to these women’s pregnancies. An intended abortion and an unwanted miscarriage have nothing in common I don’t see how someone would be offended by my post? And if someone has then I am sorry but I’m not a regular Mumsnet user so I don’t know how to filter down through every type of forum to find one where my post will cause the least offence.

Now that I know this forum exists if I am ever in this crisis again i will post there!

You're fine OP

I had medical issues which caused recurrent miscarriage and was VERY triggered by everything pregnancy related. (Have kids now)

I would have never come on the pregnancy board, people in my situation will be on the conception board, OP is pregnant, she has started a pregnancy related thread.

@Buttons294749 I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m so glad things worked out for you in the end!
Thank you so much for being understanding

To those complaining about the OP posting in the pregnancy thread, she clearly didn’t know there was another place to post her thread. I wouldn’t have known either tbh. So that two people have learned something tonight.

However it would have been more helpful if you’d explained about the other thread rather than imply she did it deliberately to upset people. The OP has enough stress just now. Of course she didn’t mean to upset anyone.

Another way to think about this is to put the child you already have at the very forefront of your decision. What is best for them?

Is it best for them for you to continue your path you are currently on with your studies and plan for a stable home and work life?

Or is it best for them for you to step off that now for a couple of years and slow it down (it is harder with two-not impossible but harder) and them have a sibling right now.

How will you financially provide for two potentially alone? How would any money worries effect the DC you already have. Or do you have a lot of savings and big safety net.

What will provide them with the most opportunities in life and to be at the best primary school etc? can siblings wait? Is your relationship established enough to withstand this test-how would putting the relationship under this pressure effect your child?

Your decision also needs to consider not just how you feel today. You talk about resentment of not having the baby, but if you have a baby in less then ideal circumstances you are just as likely to feel resentment for having them. Not at the baby but frustration at your situation and decreased choices and greater struggles.

@Elieza

To those complaining about the OP posting in the pregnancy thread, she clearly didn’t know there was another place to post her thread. I wouldn’t have known either tbh. So that two people have learned something tonight.

However it would have been more helpful if you’d explained about the other thread rather than imply she did it deliberately to upset people. The OP has enough stress just now. Of course she didn’t mean to upset anyone.

Exactly. I didn't think it was inappropriate to post in 'Pregnancy' until the other place was pointed out; after all, the op is pregnant. Not all pregnancies are welcome so it seemed to make sense. Had it been a place designated (& clearly marked) for 'infertility' or 'trying to conceive', she wouldn't have posted there.

I wouldn’t be having a baby with someone I’d only known 7 months, regardless of the other stuff.

You have years ahead to have more children so I’d put your career first and consider termination. If you split up with your DP, you’d be in your early 20s with two kids by two different dads, which is a lot to deal with and unfortunately has a stigma attached, could you deal with that judgement? If you split with DP you’d most certainly want children with whoever you end up settling down with as you’d still be young, then it’s X amount of kids with 3 different fathers.

I had a termination at 18 as I wasn’t ready. I had another at 24 because I was just starting out in a new career. Both from failed birth control. I don’t regret either abortion, but I will say that both times I knew immediately I didn’t want them and there was no umming or arring.

It sounds to me like you want to keep the baby. That's quite an important factor in all this.

I had a baby at 18 op. I also fell pregnant again at 22. I was at college studying. I left once the first year was finished, had my baby (dp supported us),then when he was about one went on to be self employed, working from home. It all worked out for me and I absolutely know I would have regretted having an abortion. Even if dp hadn't stuck around (we had been together a year) I would have done it alone, the way I did with my first.