Pregnant after sterilisation !

[TaylorsSwimShorts]

Just as the title says...sterilised over 3 years ago, found out today I'm pregnant.....shocked doesn't come close to how I'm feeling! I knew it was a risk but honestly didn't think it really happened..especially after so long 🤯🤯🤯
It would be such a high risk pregnancy due to previous c sections, anybody else had this happen? Anybody else had 6 c sections..😱😱😱

Ecocustard, really tough isn't it, we think of sterilisation/vasectomy as permanent and just really don't think a pregnancy can happen, all your reason would also be mine 😣

Ozani, thats good to hear, consultant did say they have a lot of Jewish and Somalian families and have done 6th sections, and that they usually do have a good outcome..but not always, she really wasn't sugar coating anything!

I've read your health issues.

I think you alive to love and care for your existing DC needs to be a priority can imagine your life with severe bladder issues etc?

@TaylorsSwimShorts

Ozani, thats good to hear, consultant did say they have a lot of Jewish and Somalian families and have done 6th sections, and that they usually do have a good outcome..but not always, she really wasn't sugar coating anything!

It’ll be okay don’t overthink it. The consultant’s job is to prepare you for the worst but the truth is people have more than 6 or 7 sections regularly. If it helps you could visit a consultant in a Muslim / Jewish area for a second opinion as they’ll be more experienced in doing these multiple c-sections. My cousin did that (Leicester Royal Infirmary) and said the team there were really reassuring.

@EcoCustard

Not sterilised OP but found out last Autumn that I was 9 weeks pregnant after husband had had a vasectomy a couple of years ago. It was quite a shock so can empathise. If you can take a few days to process the shock and think it through on all levels, emotionally, physically and practically then go from there. I had 4 dc and opted for a termination however it wasn’t an easy choice and felt as much as I would of liked another I couldn’t do it physically, or more so emotionally and the impact on my other dc was a factor too. it’s tough op.

This happened to me!

Feel for you OP.

No dr is ever going to tell anyone they shouldn't have more kids. However my gp did say to me unofficially as my 'friend' that I was risking my life and to think about the kids I have with out a mum. To be fair I almost died of pre eclampsia with my first. I should have stopped at him but I had three more. I did know my risks very clearly though. I had very close care. I could not go to term with the last two. In fact their births pretty much had to be non negotiable for me. I was 100% at peace to have practically zero say in what the births would be like. So there are always options. But if I wasnt happy with early induction on my back strapped to monitors then in fairness I wouldnt have done it.

What I'm badly trying to say is gather all your facts. Sure they cant say you will walk it or it will be hideous. But they must know what they protocol they would like. Ie early birth at 37 weeks? Weekly monitoring and scans at the end? Hysterectomy ( could they even do this? Could they stop a massive bleed with adhesions?) All these things they do know. Once you know all of that I'm sure any choice will feel more solid. Because there is a big difference between knowing they could stem a bleed in surgery if the worse was to happen and not being able to. Not that I have any knowledge at all in this area. But they might not know if you will haemorrhage but they do know how they stop hemorrhaging with adhesions.

Your risks do sound important with the bladder adhesions. Can your gp not refer you onto a consultant for a more planned less shell shocked chat?

Oh OP, what a situation to find yourself in! I can't advise much as I'm going quite mad with just the two kids, but I did want to draw your attention to the possibility of developing placenta accreta or worse in your current pregnancy. I had my first by elcs and there were concerns I had accreta with my second. You really do not want accreta, even less so with 6 kids at home. Please ask your consultant about this, as the risks increase with each CS. Good luck making a decision. It will be the right one for you

How are things

Hi, thanks for asking..things are still exactly the same! I'm having trouble getting to speak to anyone, I self referred to antenatal care as I was told that was the way to get into the system for scans, was told on the hospitals midwife helpline I may be eligible for NIPT test which our hospital have just started to do, this would give me a clearer picture baby wise but still nobody can tell me how ill be...I really want to speak to one of the surgeons tbh... but ive been referred to community care rather than consultant so that needs swapping...I did wonder if it all goes forward I could have a section early, maybe 35/36 weeks ( they took the last one at 37 and a few) to eliminate the risk of the baby getting too big and any rupture...baby should be fine at that gestation especially with steroids, I also wanted to ask if they performed a hysterectomy at the same time would that be safer regarding bleeding...I have so many questions..but 1st I need to find out if the baby is healthy, as not only did I not take folic acid, not only did I drink quite a bit, go on theme park rides, but I also took norethisterone to delay my period on holiday...🙄 the period that obviously wasn't going to come! This drug is contraindicated in pregnancy 😣 So together with my age there's a chance there could be problems, hopefully I'll get the NIPT test to get as clear a picture as possible at this stage...

Oh wow @TaylorsSwimShorts I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling!

I just last week had my 4th baby by 4th c section and opted to be sterilised at the same time.

I was warned it fails in 1:200 women so my partner is going to get a vasectomy too as a 5th baby would be my worst nightmare.

I think you’re sensible in waiting for scan and results before making the tough decision on what to do.

I think asking to speak to a surgeon, preferably one that carried out your most recent section, would be really useful.

I got to speak to the surgeon who did my 3rd section as I was so scared about problems 4th time around.

I was given all the warnings about possible scar rupture, excessive blood loss etc.

As it turned out, yes the section took a while longer than a straight forward one, and I did hemorrage, but it actually all went really well. You’d certainly be well looked after and monitored closely if you chose to continue. I had my section done at just over 37 weeks this time.

Don’t feel guilty for whichever decision you come to. At the end of the day, you had a plan that for the vast majority is pretty rock solid!

Sending hugs and lots of luck for whatever you decide x

Also, to add I’m 39 and opted to have a private nipt test done to rule out any obvious problems. Everything was fine.

Yes I'll definitely be asking to see the surgeon who operated on me last...my 4th section (5th child) was really really easy, they got in fast, sewed up fast, I was home the next evening and recovery was easy, the 5th section was long...really long, prob because of the sterilisation, I started to feel more than I was happy with, had to have a spinal and epidural because they anticipated the block wearing off, baby's head still got stuck 🙄 i was almost dragged down the table they had to pull so hard, then I almost threw up on her 🤣 just from start to finish it was horrible, had a big bleed back on the ward, and it was 2 weeks before I coukd stand properly, really unpleasant....I know that's not to say this time would be the same but it does worry me.

Oh wow op, your in quite the situation. What’s your dp’d thoughts on things? Hope you get consultant appointment asap, ring every day if you have to

He doesn't want the baby...doesn't want me to have an abortion..doesn't want to start again...doesn't know where the extra money or space will come from...doesn't want us to feel guilty...feels too old.. (46) but would be supportive of me whatever I choose but the choice and organising is all very much down to me..we don't live together so while he is a great dad to my youngest and step dad to my older 5, the day to day stuff and practicalities are also down to me, his only job is to book in for a vasectomy which I'm still waiting for him to do🙄

Already I have a 14 yr old and 10 yr old that are at the back of the line for my attention since they're so good and easy, my attention is very much taken up by 12 yr old with SEN, and I honestly don't know if I can split myself even further, saying that, all 7 other kids would be doting big brothers and sisters, and despite not all of them being the easiest kids, they do help with feeding, grabbing me stuff..running round after the youngest...

Yes they moghgg eg help but sounds like they are sleazy carers…their children. Your job to raise your children not theirs

Oh my goodness that typing didn’t work!

Should say, it sounds like they already are carers, their children (your job to raise your children)

I'm aware it's down to me to look after my own children thanks...if chucking me a nappy or grabbing their sister a bag of crisps or pushing her on a swing makes them carers... what I mean is they would be helpful, the older 2 teens would enjoy doing some feeds, that sort of thing..believe me, the only person doing night feeds and shitty nappies and dealing with everything else that needs dealing with is me!

They're most definitely children..

@TaylorsSwimShorts

Oh love, what a situation to find yourself in.
I have had five sections and was sterilised with the last one four and a half years ago. I often wonder what I would do if it ever failed and like you, I draw a complete blank.

However what it comes down to with me is whether I would survive another section. Everything else I know we would cope with ad a family and that a new baby would, as you say be loved by all ultimately. Do you feel similarly? Is it the medical risks which are the biggest obstacle?

Because if so, then that is what you base your decision upon.
If the risk is so great that it is weighted towards a bad outcome for you then you know in your heart where your present responsibilities lie and what you, understandably regrettably must do.

I really, really, feel for you. This must be awful. I hope you can make the best decision for your family, yourself and your pregnancy.

I'm just going to say it and I hope I don't sound unkind because I wish you the very best - but it seems like you are willing to risk a hell of a lot for something you don't really want. No-one would blame you for not wanting to throw everything up in the air at this stage.

Yes that's exactly it, if they told me that I'll def get through the 6th section, everything else can be coped with, my house is already messy and loud and the washing never ending..at this point 1 more can't make much difference, we would make space, few adjustments would be needed in the house, car could be a problem but we both drive so it could be got around, we would both come around to another baby if we just knew the surgery would be ok, but since nobody can tell me this, especially this early, it just makes everything worse, telling me the scar isn't stretching or something at 20 plus weeks doesn't help me, that's too late, we will be attached by then and ,y other kids will have obviously been told ....

It doesn't sound unkind, and you're right in a way, and I DO keep thinking that if I just chose abortion now, in a few weeks it would be over and done with, life would be back to normal, the least risk to me, but anytime I think too much along those lines I look at the others and get upset, just a total mess really😞

I totally get you. I've only got two so not the same, but I don't want any more. But if an accident happened who knows what I'd actually do?

OP it sounds so, so difficult, and like they haven't really advised you properly.

Is there any way you can directly contact the secretary of the consultant you saw last time and explain? Does everyone know that you are considering abortion if the health risks are too high and you need them to provide info ASAP?

I think you need to separate two things out. The first is whether you want to go ahead with this pregnancy and have another child. If someone could magically remove the medical concerns, obviously you weren't planning for it, but what would that look like - you say your partner doesn't live with you, would that/could that change? Are you sure he'd step up? What about financially? Could you try and arrange counselling to think through that dimension of it? You may find once you have had the space to focus on that side of decision-making, the health risks become irrelevant.

Then: the questions you need to know to make a decision on health grounds. If you come to the decision that, if there was no health risk, you'd treat it as a happy if shocking accident, you still need to think through the ramifications: what is the likelihood or serious harm? Of incontinence/disability? Of temporary but disruptive issues like bed rest in third trimester? Nobody will ever 100% guarantee you something is going to be ok, but they should have some stats they can share or find out - e.g. all the studies suggest someone with a previous bladder adhesion has X chance of a big bleed, that kind of info. And then you can weigh up. But time is obviously critical here, and you need to give yourself head space to come to terms with the shock and make sure you're making the right decision for you and your health.