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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Boyfriend blames me

16 replies

Tinkpod · 06/09/2021 06:49

So, I'm 43 years old and have had infertility for over 20 years, I had a few miscarriages in my late teens but no pregnancies ever since, I went to see a fertility specialist a few years ago snd they told me I was infertile and would need ivf but said that even that probably wouldn't work, she gave me leaflets on surrogacy and adoption on my way out. Fast forward to this February and l fell pregnant completely naturally and out of the blue. My boyfriend has already two teenage daughters from his previous relationship and didn't want any more, obviously I had no expectation of ever being able to be mother and I don't think I would've chosen to be now at this age and situation in my life, so neither of us had ever bothered with contraception in ten years. He now blames me, he thinks that somehow I've tricked him, he says I must've known I could get pregnant, he isn't being nasty to me but he does think I've deceived him which obviously I haven't. I'm angry at his not believing me and for his misogynistic view that it must be the woman's fault, I honestly thought better of him, I'm now considering leaving him and moving away, am I overreacting here?

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 06/09/2021 06:51

Nope. He sounds vile.

ThisIsMyID · 06/09/2021 06:54

He sounds horrible. He's not bothered with contraception for ten years.... yet this pregnancy is entirely your fault? I wouldn't want him around now.

girlmom21 · 06/09/2021 07:01

You're not overreacting. He knows how babies are made and still had the option to eradicate the risk...

Theunamedcat · 06/09/2021 07:02

I would leave him and if you can afford it dont claim a penny from him

Gensola · 06/09/2021 07:06

I’d leave him - he needs to take responsibility for his own actions though so I would certainly be claiming CMS when baby is born.

LongTimeMammaBear · 06/09/2021 08:01

You have been together for 10 years and not used contraception (either of you) with out any pregnancies until now so clearly there is no deception.

If he 100% did not want anymore children, then he needed to 100% make sure he took action to avoid that - snip and condom (or abstinence). He didn’t do that.

He’s daft to accuse you of deception. Speaks volumes about him. I’d seriously be considering having this baby on my own

ImFree2doasiwant · 06/09/2021 08:05

I don't think you're over reacting. Why does he think you'd choose now to fall pregnant and trick him? It doesn't make any sense at all.

I'm.sorry you're going through this, him being an arse just makes it harder.

Weenurse · 06/09/2021 08:06

I would joke and tell him his super sperm are the problem because you were told natural conception was not possible for you. So therefore all his fault.
Then I would quietly sit back and think about what I wanted and where I wanted to be and make my own choices.
Good luck💐

WIS76 · 06/09/2021 08:10

Oh no him you are definitely not overreacting. To be accused of deceiving him in this way after 10 years together show's what he thinks of you, I couldn't live with that. I would claim the CMS though, he knows the risks of unprotected sex.

WIS76 · 06/09/2021 08:11

@Theunamedcat

I would leave him and if you can afford it dont claim a penny from him
Are you the OPs partner? 🙄
MoreAloneTime · 06/09/2021 08:12

Sounds like he needs to grow up and try reading a biology textbook

Magenta82 · 06/09/2021 08:18

If he thinks you deceived him then what is his explanation for you not getting pregnant at any time in the last 10 years?

He does not sound very nice at all. I would be considering doing it without him.

Holly05235892 · 06/09/2021 10:04

Such a difficult decision as I'm sure you love this man and hes the father of your unborn child but he's totally disrespecting you and his child! I'm sure you've tried talking to him about this and explaining how you feel? If he cant see he's wrong, I'd definitely consider what's best for you and your child. Good luck!

ElspethFlashman · 06/09/2021 10:06

Well it's not going to get any better, put it that way.

He's not going to wake up one morning and want to be a co-parent.

If he's just draining you and demonising you when you need support the most, then what's the point?

jolota · 06/09/2021 10:11

What he's saying obviously makes no sense, if you've been together 10 years how does he think you've been deceiving him all that time??
It's bizarre that this happens though; I know of one women who was told in her late 20s that she'd never be able to have children, stopped taking contraception & got pregnant almost immediately, now has 3 children. Another friend had 3 children & the doctors told her she wouldn't be able to conceive again at all, again, stopped contraception but only got pregnant 12 years later. So you're definitely not alone & obviously fertility is not as easy to determine.

IsabelHerna · 07/09/2021 10:53

You're definitely not overreacting! He sounds horrible, and you definitely do not deserve to be treated like this, or blamed for it!

I would like to congratulate you on your pregnancy, and please consider seriously what you're going to do. Do you feel like he is going to help you and support you and the baby? Is he willing to try counselling? Are you prepared to do this on your own? If you are, then do it.

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