Is anyone else having this problem with midwives? I'm fuming!

[Harlequin1088]

Absolutely bloody furious. Midwives have just called me to cancel my booking appointment for tomorrow due to “staff sickness” and given a vague “oh someone will be in touch to book another one with you soon”. No idea of timescale or how soon that will be. Is this what it’s going to be like the whole way through???

I’m nearly 8 weeks pregnant with my first child and haven’t seen or spoken to a single midwife yet. We had an ectopic pregnancy back in April and we're understandably very anxious.

We managed to get a 6 week scan through pure chance the other week when we were at a counselling session with the Pregnancy Loss Nurse and she mentioned the Sonographer down the corridor had had a cancellation and would we like to be scanned there and then. Luckily, the scan showed baby was in the right place (definitely not ectopic this time) and we saw their little heartbeat bobbing away on the screen.

That aside, we've had diddly squat from the actual midwives themselves. It took me two weeks of phoning numbers that were either dead numbers or just rang out with no reply and leaving messages on voicemails at various antenatal numbers to actually speak to anyone who would organise a booking appointment for me. Spoke to GP about this and told it was nothing to do with him and to keep trying midwives.

Now my booking appointment that I spent weeks trying to get hold of someone to arrange has now been cancelled. I'm absolutely frantic about it. I'm anxious enough as it is because of what happened in my last pregnancy and I don't need the added stress of feeling I've got no support either.

Please - is anyone else experiencing this issue with the midwifery services at the moment or have I just got a rubbish NHS Trust in my area?

I feel so afraid that something is going to go wrong and nothing will be picked up until it's too late 😥

8 wks is quite early for a booking appointment so plenty time to get u seen. Staff sickness may just be a one off but they do usually have enough staff to cover.

With my 4yr old I was seen about 10/11 wks for booking in appointment. They don't do much ask a load of questions around family medical history, any previous pregnancies, maybe took blood and urine sample. Didn't see a midwife again until I was 24wks, then 28wks, 32wks, 36wks then weekly after that and every few days once overdue.

Had my scan at 12/13wks and then 20wk scan.

OP just seen your latest post, I'm under a neighbouring trust so I can well believe your trust are having the same sickness problems as my trust are. It can't be helped and IMO you do need to lower your expectations, I don't think the level of service that you are expecting is realistic with the NHS in this day and age.

Thank you everyone. This is all very reassuring. I know I'm a bag of nerves and I'm not helping myself, so I apologise if I come across as erratic and unreasonable. I think because I felt so out of control with what was happening to me during the ectopic pregnancy, I'm just terrified of losing control again. We didn't realise we were pregnant last time (still had a coil in!) so being told I was pregnant then told I was losing my baby within a few hours was such a head fuck for me.

I'd literally never been pregnant prior to the ectopic in April (I'm 33) and haven't been close to anyone who has been pregnant so unfortunately I have absolutely no frame of reference whatsoever for what constitutes "normal" midwifery care.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I do feel much better now xx

I say this as kindly as possible but we're still dealing with a global pandemic - staff shortages are to be expected when people are still having to self isolate. You got pregnant on the tail of said pandemic. There will be issues.

You're also still very early in your pregnancy, if this delay is inconvenient to you, I suggest that you alter your perceptions and expectations of the NHS or consider going private (which isn't guaranteed to be much better right now. Again - Covid).

As someone who has had and lost a tube to an EP, I have every sympathy but you've been assured that the pregnancy is where it should be, there really isn't much more to do until your 12 week scan.

As difficult as it is, try to relax. You've had a scan, so you know that the pregnancy is not ectopic. Your booking appointment is mostly questions about your medical history and family medical history on both sides, to determine any risk factors you may have and take a urine sample. The midwife doesn't listen for baby's heartbeat until around 16 weeks and it's not uncommon for heartbeat not to be found due to positioning of the baby and size. If you're feeling anxious maybe book a reassurance scan for a few weeks time until you have your 12 week scan? I remember feeling like nothing really happened until around the 16/20 week mark. Many services aren't fully back to normal and you may find appointments are cancelled or moved to telephone consultations. Maternity care in the UK is not the greatest and covid has had a massive impact on this. I say this as someone who gave birth a year ago with many appointments cancelled, I had a high risk pregnancy and 3 miscarriages previously, so I do understand the worry.

Wishing you the best of luck in your pregnancy.

@Harlequin1088

Thank you everyone. This is all very reassuring. I know I'm a bag of nerves and I'm not helping myself, so I apologise if I come across as erratic and unreasonable. I think because I felt so out of control with what was happening to me during the ectopic pregnancy, I'm just terrified of losing control again. We didn't realise we were pregnant last time (still had a coil in!) so being told I was pregnant then told I was losing my baby within a few hours was such a head fuck for me.

I'd literally never been pregnant prior to the ectopic in April (I'm 33) and haven't been close to anyone who has been pregnant so unfortunately I have absolutely no frame of reference whatsoever for what constitutes "normal" midwifery care.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I do feel much better now xx

Pregnancy is a lesson in letting go of control on so many levels! I really felt that lesson in my second pregnancy. I too had had a previous loss and my usual approach to life is to try to be in control but trust me letting go is absolutely essential in pregnancy and motherhood after that. It's a really bloody hard thing to do but most of pregnancy is out of your control- from learning to just sit with the anxiety of a potential loss (no matter how many early scans you have the possibility of that isn't diminished) to changes in your body, to waiting for the baby to arrive at the end- it's all about patience and nothing about being in control. 🤦‍♀️

Counselling session with the pregancy loss nurse

I've lost 3 and never been referred to one. Did you specifically request counselling and help, or were you automatically booked into this?

Congrats on this pregnancy, and sorry for your previous loss.

I agree with others, midwives are still working under pandemic conditions, extra cleaning between patients, staff shortages (long before covid!) and sickness- they are human! I've had the dentist cancel me 4x in 8mths! Another specialist, I've waited 2yrs to even get seen- still don't have an appointment.

I too had no close friends to ask what the norm is in terms of pregnancy care, but educated myself from the NHS website, and asking on mumsnet. The NHS website actually had alot of info, from healthy eating, vitamins, timescales etc.

You might want to look into NIPT given your age. I was 34 with my 1st pregnancy (and loss) and had never heard of this test before. At least you had an early scan and heartbeat. That is FAR more reassuring that someone taking down your medical history- which will likely be over the phone!

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/

You’re only 8 weeks, and you’ve already had an early scan. I think you’re being completely unfair. Most booking in appointments are around 9 weeks

On the NHS website it says your first appointment will be between eight and twelve weeks so you've still got plenty of time still. This link has all the appointments you should have and what happens at each one. Try not to worry.

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/your-pregnancy-care/your-antenatal-appointments/

I can understand your frustration but if they are short staffed , they can't magic up people to see you . Also perhaps they are looking at their caseload and prioritising those that have urgent problems / need.
You will be giving details / form filling at your appointment .

Understand you’re anxious ( I was too) but to be fair, 8 weeks is very early. It’s good you know the baby is in the right place/not ectopic, frankly I’m not sure seeing a midwife now now or at 12 weeks will make any difference.. everyone I know who had their baby on the nhs only had their first midwife appointment at week 11-12…
If you still think it’s absolutely necessary, feel free to book with a private Obgyn!

[quote Elouera]Counselling session with the pregancy loss nurse

I've lost 3 and never been referred to one. Did you specifically request counselling and help, or were you automatically booked into this?

Congrats on this pregnancy, and sorry for your previous loss.

I agree with others, midwives are still working under pandemic conditions, extra cleaning between patients, staff shortages (long before covid!) and sickness- they are human! I've had the dentist cancel me 4x in 8mths! Another specialist, I've waited 2yrs to even get seen- still don't have an appointment.

I too had no close friends to ask what the norm is in terms of pregnancy care, but educated myself from the NHS website, and asking on mumsnet. The NHS website actually had alot of info, from healthy eating, vitamins, timescales etc.

You might want to look into NIPT given your age. I was 34 with my 1st pregnancy (and loss) and had never heard of this test before. At least you had an early scan and heartbeat. That is FAR more reassuring that someone taking down your medical history- which will likely be over the phone!

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/[/quote]
When I was in hospital having my ectopic pregnancy and subsequent emergency surgery to remove my ruptured Fallopian tube, they sent a nurse into my room who introduced herself as the Pregnancy Loss Nurse. She said that she and her two colleagues were a team of nurses specially trained to help couples go through pregnancy loss (whether that be through ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage at any stage, stillbirth, etc). They supported us while I was in hospital, gave us lots of advice, answered lots of questions, then when I was discharged, they gave us their number and said to call them if we felt we needed support after we'd got home and I'd physically recovered a bit.

They offered counselling for us as a couple, counselling just for me, or counselling just for my partner - whichever way we felt was best for us. They have been so kind. They also told us to refer ourselves back into them if and when we become pregnant again as they would happily counsel us all the way through any subsequent pregnancies as we'd likely have a lot of worries due to our previous loss.

The Pregnancy Loss Team sit under the Early Pregnancy Assessment Service at our hospital so I assume similar things are available at other hospitals? It might be worth calling your local EPAS to enquire about it as I don't believe there's any particular time limit on support. As I mentioned in a previous post, my local NHS Trust had a catalogue of failings where maternity care was concerned so it looks like the Pregnancy Loss Team is relatively new as a result of serious case reviews?

I'm sorry to hear about your previous losses

@Harlequin1088 I have experience with the same trust so feel free to pm

@Harlequin1088 what the fuck do you want them to do?

If they haven't got staff to do the appointment they haven't got staff to do the appointment.

You can't magic a sodding midwife up from fresh air.

yes, it's crap but instead of spouting off at the NHS trust look at those who organises the NHS - the government. Write to your MP.
Examine your own voting choices - did you vote for the conservatives? did you vote for Brexit which has led to loads and loads of EU NHS staff returning to their country of origin?

Hi op, I have also suffered an ectopic pregnancy in the past so I know how you must be feeling. If you hadn't already had the (by chance) early scan, I'd be telling you to either pay for one or to phone the midwives about having one. This was offered to me routinely at around 6 weeks in my pregnancy after the ectopic, but things may have changed in the ten years since then (and it was a different part of the country to you and we weren't in a pandemic obviously).

I still didn't get my booking in until the standard time but like you I had had that reassurance that things were in the right place.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

I’m nearly 8 weeks pregnant with my first child and haven’t seen or spoken to a single midwife yet. We had an ectopic pregnancy back in April and we're understandably very anxious I understand you being anxious and congratulations but 8 weeks is very early, I can't remember seeing anyone at that stage and that was 20 years ago.

This. It's normal not to have seen anyone. My booking appointments have been later than that.

Sometimes people are off sick.

[quote Greymalkin12]@Harlequin1088 I have experience with the same trust so feel free to pm[/quote]
PM sent ☺️

Fuming eh?

Pick your battles op!

I can understand your anxiety but this isn’t worthy of being livid or lodging a complaint.

I didn’t have my booking appointment until 10 weeks. Not due to shortages or covid (it was 4 years ago), that’s just when they scheduled them for.

There’s nothing that would be wrong that could be picked or or resolved at a booking in appointment. Most problems this early are, sadly, not things that can be treated.

Is this what it’s going to be like the whole way through???
Yep. Sorry. You’re on a production line now, on their timescale not yours. The comforting part is that if you do need extra care, it’s normally very good.

[quote MauveMavis]@Harlequin1088 what the fuck do you want them to do?

If they haven't got staff to do the appointment they haven't got staff to do the appointment.

You can't magic a sodding midwife up from fresh air.

yes, it's crap but instead of spouting off at the NHS trust look at those who organises the NHS - the government. Write to your MP.
Examine your own voting choices - did you vote for the conservatives? did you vote for Brexit which has led to loads and loads of EU NHS staff returning to their country of origin?[/quote]
You understand you're talking to a woman in early pregnant who has had a pretty traumatic pregnancy loss right? And this is the tone you felt it was best to go with?

Thank you @Kitkatchunkyplease - you've worded that better than I would have done.

@FudgeSundae

Is this what it’s going to be like the whole way through??? Yep. Sorry. You’re on a production line now, on their timescale not yours. The comforting part is that if you do need extra care, it’s normally very good.

That's good to know. I guess it's wanting the reassurance that everyone else is having a similar experience and that I'm not missing out on a certain type of care. Like I said - no idea what to expect here! They could tell me I need to bathe in Tango three times a day and I wouldn't know any better lol!

I was high risk in my first pregnancy, I didnt have my booking appointment till 11 weeks then my scan the week after. This time I had my booking appointment at 9 weeks but thats only before I called 3 weeks prior otherwise It would.of most probably been close to the 12 week mark. It's totally normal and your super early on still there's only so much they can do at this stage. Please don't fret. Only thing I can recommend if your anxious is private scan x

Only because **