C Section or Vaginal after traumatic birth

[KennedyD22]

Just looking to hear anyone’s stories of c section or vaginal recoveries for your second child compared to your first!

I’m pregnant with my second (my first is only a year old) and I’m still not emotionally recovered from the first birth. Due to fetal distress I had ventouse, forceps and episiotomy when I was 8cm dilated - it was really scary and all over within about 5 minutes and 2 ‘pushes’ - I was too in shock and unprepared to even enjoy looking at my baby for the first time! I definitely didn’t bond with her. She was perfect and healthy after which is a relief, but it was scary having about 6 professionals (estimating as I don’t really remember it was a quick blur) in the room ready for something to go wrong!

Following the birth, my episiotomy stitches broke down and I was left ‘gaping’ - they didnt recommend restitching and left it to heal by secondary intention - it took 5 months to close up with recurrent infections, horrendous pain (I couldn’t go to the toilet with out crying in pain for 3/4 months) and serious emotional trauma (couldn’t bare to touch myself to even wipe after the toilet). I ended up with PND and was on ADs up until I found out I was pregnant with my second (3 months ago). Personal choice to not take them whilst I’m pregnant as my baby is higher risk for genital defects as it is. I would still be taking them had I not found out I was expecting again.

I’ve told them I want a c section this time as I am still going through the trauma and can’t bear the thought of having stitches down there again so soon. But I’m also second guessing myself, thinking I should really try again and maybe I can have a ‘nice’ natural birth that feels empowering instead of violating. I’m also scared about having a c section recovery.

Any advice would be so appreciated, or just stories about how your c section recovery went! I completely get that it will be hard but it took me 5 agonising months to physically heal from my vaginal and mentally I’m still not there yet. Thank you in advance!!

@DanniiF90 hi and welcome! congrats on your pregnancy - sometimes I wonder if just everyone (or at least majority) is absolutely terrified of going through it again because they had a traumatic experience first time! Like you I feel like I understand that natural is safer etc (I’m training to be a nurse and interested in maternity) but exactly whatever is right for mama too! Since I’ve basically still got PND from the first I just think it’s not wise to be out of control again!
I think anyone could go through our kind of experiences and be ready, but if we’re not (and you’re not ready 10 years later!) then why not do it a more controlled way! Good luck to you and making your decision too!

@Saladcreamormayo
@Unicornflakegirl it wasn’t planned no and sex did take a while to become enjoyable… it’s not been that long so I hadn’t got round to sorting out contraception - a happy surprise though as I wanted a second and small age gap too. But yes I did feel the same, traumatised at the thought of anything going down there so pleased to hear your second was a better experience though and you didn’t have the same problems again!

Unicorn - thank you! To be honest I was lucky compared to others and he was only trying to make sure I understood my choice either way - he assured me I’d get the birth I want!

I think I have decided to go ahead with the c-section, I tried getting all my thoughts out to my poor DP and was fighting tears as I spoke about my daughters birth. I would love to try again but I think the trauma is too recent and still causes me emotional distress - I think I would of needed just a couple more years to get over it but life had other plans for me haha! Thank you for everyone’s input I really appreciate it and I feel a lot calmer about having the section as although there’s risks, it seems others have had a decent recovery. If anyone in the same boat wants to PM me feel free!!

apparently the closer between births the easier the second will be, not sure if that is true but it is what I have always heard. I couldn't believe how different my 2nd dc's birth was and I had a much larger gap than yours. my 2nd was a very quick birth I'd actually say it was the perfect birth I didn't even have any pain relief at all. my first as I said earlier was exactly like yours so I was so terrified during my second pregnancy. don't rush into choosing a
c-section you may find you have a wonderful experience 2nd time around like I did. I did tear on dc 2 but didn't feel it. I actually think I was stitched wrong after my first dc and having my 2nd and needing a few stitches again actually corrected my poor stitching from my first birth.
I wasn't sore at all after my 2nd It was lovely to be able to sit down properly and nurse my new baby as I couldn't for weeks after dc1 I remember being on my hands and knees crying as all I wanted to do was sit down and not lie on my side. a friend of mine needed a section after 3 previous vaginal births she said she doesn't understand why women choose a section over natural birth as the healing was awful for her.
if I was ever to have a 3rd dc I would definitely choose a vaginal birth.