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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Baby announcements are very hard for me

27 replies

Luna92x · 31/08/2021 23:02

I’m really upset right now and just want to speak to like minded people.
So my sister has an 11 month old (it was hard on me when she got pregnant with him) and she has now declared today that she is pregnant again “oh its come as such as a shock as we don’t even have sex like that we argue all the time so don’t know how this has happened”
Me and my partner have been together for 3 years now and have regular unprotected sex although not temping and tracking etc if i was to fall pregnant i would be over the moon and just lately every time my period comes i am devastated. Obviously with todays news i am fighting back tears and feel really upset about the whole thing and have acted bitter towards her because i cant be fake. 5 days ago she is crying at the concept that she may be pregnant again “i dont want another baby yet” yet she knows i would love to be a mum and its just not happening for me. And now today sending photos bragging “oh hes going to be a big brother”
Please help pick me up 😢☹️

OP posts:
cat709 · 31/08/2021 23:10

@Luna92x
How comes you're not tracking your ovulation etc? I know it takes a bit of the fun out of it, but the window is so so small, maybe it's worth thinking about?
I'm sure she's not bragging, but just instead being overly excited. Being her sister, she is probably presuming you'd be on her level of excitement. Have you actually ever had a serious conversation about what you're going through / monthly disappointments and how her news is making you feel? - because until you really highlight this to her, I don't think it's fair to pin it all in her. I know is should be obvious to her - but we're all guilty of living in a bubble sometimes! X

HalloHello · 31/08/2021 23:13

It's awful OP. I remember a friend telling me she was pregnant in a really OTT way going on about it being a surprise and 'it only takes once 😉😉' it fuckin killed me, I was devastated as had been trying for a year and nothing. We now have 2 beautiful babies, and have probably upset other friends who are struggling with getting pregnant and we just don't appreciate how awful it is any more. No one means to hurt you, it's just not on their radar as they're the ones who are happy. It will most likely happen for you, if you haven't fallen pregnant in 3 years then it might be worth seeing your GP and havitn some blood tests, and getting your partner checked. Sometimes we do have to work harder for these things than others. It's so unfair. You're definitely not alone though, I can guarantee you that.

nc5698 · 31/08/2021 23:17

Been there. TTC for almost 2 years with no luck. We went down the IVF route. 1st round was successful only to lose my son who was stillborn.

It took a further year and 3 more rounds of IVF to get my DC1.

Those 3 years were a dark dark time for me.

Your time will come OP Thanks

Original poster
Luna92x · 31/08/2021 23:23

@cat709 oh don’t get me wrong I am very happy for her deep down and happy for myself as well that i will be an auntie again to another of her beautiful darling babies its just so hard to think i may never be able to be a mum myself so gets me down. She is fully aware that I would love to be a mum and says such things as “i wish it was you pregnant” which i no is her being nice to me but just makes me think well it isn’t its you, you should be extremely grateful and she said how I’m going to be an auntie again which is her trying to make me feel included but thats just not the same. Its just the way just 4/5 days ago shes crying saying she didn’t want it to happen then today such a sudden change of attitude towards it and acting so differently i just feel she could be a bit more sensitive. I have ordered an ava bracelet dont no if they are any good maybe that will help me track ovulation.

@HalloHello thank you for replying and letting me know you was once in this situation. It is extremely hard especially the fear of the unknown of not knowing if it will ever happen for me. Last week i had a blood test to check if I’m ovulating etc i need to book an appointment to discuss the results with them. But tbh my doctor is awful seems to just rush me off the phone doesnt really seem sincere. I’m glad u went on to get your happy ending x

OP posts:
Original poster
Luna92x · 31/08/2021 23:26

@nc5698 I am so sorry to hear of your angel baby and so happy to hear you got your baby at the end of such a dark time. I’m sure she brings you much light now. It gives me hope I guess i just can’t give up and have to keep positive. Its just so hard whenever news like this comes and how it happened so easily for my sister as well so soon after her first and the fact her and her boyfriend dont even really get on they are always arguing and this stuff just doesnt happen for me and my boyfriend who are good most of the time lol xx

OP posts:
cat709 · 31/08/2021 23:33

@Luna92x
It's so hard for people on cloud 9 to think about other people eh! If you've already highlighted your own issues to her, then you have every right to expect her to be more sensitive.
Yes that's a good idea. When I did used the ovulations sticks I was amazed that I only peaked for ovulation for a matter of hours not days. Seems so unfair to have such a small window among other bodily hurdles xx

HummingBeeBox · 31/08/2021 23:47

Tracking is a good idea as I was very surprised when I actually ovulated. I was miles off and hadn't been regularly covering that date at all!

Original poster
Luna92x · 01/09/2021 00:01

Tbh i just feel like a complete bitter b*tch i feel i didnt make her first pregnancy as happy as i could by being there for her and sharing it with her like we have shared everything in life together growing up we have always been best friends its just hard on me i explained this to her just now x

OP posts:
Original poster
Luna92x · 01/09/2021 00:04

@cat709 yeah you are definitely right I guess its wrong for me to expect her to realise her insensitivity whilst up there on cloud 9.
I think the reason i havent tracked ovulation is because we are at it all the time (every other day definitely covered most the time) i think thats why it gets to me so much when she claims to have only had sex the once with him both times she must be extremely lucky to hit it exactly on the spot both times so unexpectedly x

OP posts:
Original poster
Luna92x · 01/09/2021 00:05

@HummingBeeBox whats the best ways to track?

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 01/09/2021 00:06

I remember how one of my closest friends reacted when I told her I was pregnant with my second..,we had gone round for food and drinks and I declined the drink so she guessed I was pregnant (I was around 8 weeks). I admitted I was and she huffed, didn't have any dinner, was stroppy... the atmosphere was horrific!!

I knew she wanted another but not that she desperately trying.

Tbh it really upset me and she did apologise afterwards but it made me feel ashamed of my pregnancy and worried about telling people.

Have you spoken with your sister?

And also track track track it really can make that difference!!

I hope you fall pregnant soon op. Sending Thanks

Original poster
Luna92x · 01/09/2021 04:06

@Mammyloveswine aww see thats definitely not how i want to make her feel. I have spoken to her and tonight apologised how i was in her first pregnancy told her how i hope to be in this one but explained how its hard on me she said she completely understands and not to cry my time will come 😭 its just hard not to worry when we don’t know what the future holds. Ive kind of already written myself off that it won’t ever happen for me. I had period pains last week and my period is due tomorrow heres to hoping they were implantation cramps that would be amazing being on the same journey as my sister at the same time we always said how it would be like that growing up.. but lets not get my hopes up xxx

OP posts:
LaBellina · 01/09/2021 04:20

I am so sorry OP.
I think nobody can really understand how much your situation hurts unless they’ve experienced it firsthand. Does your DS know about your situation and if not, would you be willing to share this with her so she can be considerate of your feelings in the future?
I have a very good friend who couldn’t have DC and I knew it was difficult for her when I was pregnant and I tried to be considerate of her feelings as much as I could.

thebookworm1 · 01/09/2021 07:28

I’m very sorry OP.

Another vote for tracking ovulation with the tests rather than some app or counting device.
My ovulation was also miles off when all the counting would suggest, close to the end of the cycle which according to books isn’t possible …yet as soon as we knew when we were successful conceiving.

gogohm · 01/09/2021 07:55

So sorry op, but does your sister even know you are trying?

As for yourself, tracking isn't needed, just have plenty of sex, every other day is recommended for conceiving!Grin

CliffsofMohair · 01/09/2021 12:33

@nc5698

Been there. TTC for almost 2 years with no luck. We went down the IVF route. 1st round was successful only to lose my son who was stillborn.

It took a further year and 3 more rounds of IVF to get my DC1.

Those 3 years were a dark dark time for me.

Your time will come OP Thanks

I am so sorry for your loss 💐
jolota · 01/09/2021 13:08

Your sister definitely isn't trying to hurt you, it's difficult to not compare ourselves to others and feel like their successes highlight our 'failures' but it's important to try and remember that it is a happy thing for her and one day she'll be thrilled for you too.
I would definitely recommend tracking ovulation. I was using some apps for 6 months entering my periods and trying to hit the suggested dates, eventually I just bought those ovulation sticks from clearblue, my ovulation dates were way off what multiple apps had estimated so I'd missed it basically every month. Got pregnant the first month using the ovulation sticks so definitely worth a try.

MeAndZig · 01/09/2021 21:23

It’s completely normal to feel like this, the saying is happy for you but sad for myself. I was TTC for two years and went down the IVF route. Not sure how old you are etc but I think you should consider seeing your GP and ask to be referred for some tests at your NHS fertility clinic. It’s really disheartening when TTC and hearing pregnancy announcements. Look after yourself - good luck

Original poster
Luna92x · 02/09/2021 17:42

@MeAndZig thank you for your response. And understanding. Your comment happy for you sad for myself hits the nail on the head.
My doctor is absolutely awful. I had a hormone test she has called me today and all she said was its come back low so I didn’t ovulate this month. I was crying my eyes out on phone to her as now I am even more worried and asked her is there any thing i can do she could quite clearly hear me crying and she just said no i wouldnt worry ok bye. And that was it what a horrible doctor. Ive only recently moved house so this is a new doctor but clearly she isnt helpful at all. Ive asked for a hsg for peace of mind for myself as every month i am going out of my mind thinking its never going to happen for me and getting really depressed she said she wont do that until my OH has SA which he isnt ready for yet i think he feels at this stage its unecessary as we havent been trying trying just been having unprotected sex ☹️ Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Luna92x · 02/09/2021 17:43

@MeAndZig forgot to mention i am 29 he is 28 x

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/09/2021 17:50

How are you not trying but having unprotected sex.

I have to be honest, I thought you were much younger, you need to make a proper appt wirh your doctor, and speak to your partner about sperm analysis . He doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you?

MeAndZig · 02/09/2021 19:06

There is lots of information on the IVF board on MN take a look there. Unless you’ve been through it lots of people don’t understand what it’s like. Ok so you might not be ovulating and therefore some doctors or fertility clinics prescribe clomid. You a could need something like that. Have a look at IVF funding and criteria in your local authority they will tell you who is eligible. You’re taking the right steps OP good luck

ShiMo · 02/09/2021 22:31

Agree with other posters you might find it helpful adding this to the infertility thread.

Also think that you need to do some research, educate yourself and get yourself more organised on what your cycle is doing etc, as its an incredibly stressful and emotional process so you’ll need to be prepared to ask the right questions. For example, I assume you had the day 21 bloods for progesterone? Have you had day 5 bloods as well? How ‘low’ was the progesterone? If it means you’ve not ovulated this month, would they do another day 21 test next month? Do you have regular cycles? As a day 21 test is typically only accurate on a 28-30 day cycle. Also, why did you ask for an HSG? It won’t show hormonal issues and your GP is right they need to exhaust other avenues before they do that. Sorry for all the questions but I’m sure you’ll appreciate it’s a minefield and you need to know what steps you should be taking.

I’d also have a chat with your partner about having an SA. I have no idea why some men are so precious about this when HSGs/Saline sonograms and other things us women have to go through are far more invasive and painful, so he really needs to step up if you’re going to go through this together. There’s no point putting you through all that if it turns out it’s male factor.

Good luck!

Original poster
Luna92x · 02/09/2021 23:09

@ShiMo
Hello, yes it was the day 21 bloods for progesterone. I havent had day 5 ones and when i said to my doctor can i have a retest done to see if the next month is the same or even in a few months she said no there is a shortage of tubes so i cant be retested. Shes a horrible doctor! I used to have regular cycles until march this year now they seem to be all over the place one was 46 days one 39 average is 32. Its fine thank you for taking the time to reply to me and ask the questions. I asked for a hcg because i am just concerned there is something wrong with my tubes so wanted for peace of mind to confirm or deconfirm this so if it is the case i can get the help if i need it i guess. Thank you again x

OP posts:
Babyghirl · 03/09/2021 07:32

@Luna92x
I highly suggest you to find a new doc, if you have not conceived in all that time you should be referred to the fertility clinic for tests, the progesterone test should be done 7 days after ovulation so that's why tracking is good when having that test done in order to book the test and the right time, not being cheeky when asking this but your periods r irregular now have you gained weight or notice new body hair because this could indicate pcos and if so you would need climod to kick ovulation so please find a new doc.