How do you cope

[ttconajourney]

So I'm late for AF by two days. My boobs/nipples are sore and heavy. I'm never late so I really believe I am pregnant.

But I am so anxious and scared to even test to confirm this.

I have had two losses this year and I really can't even bare to think about being pregnant again and all the anxiety that comes with it.

I'm scared to test. I'm scared to make an appointment. I'm scared to do anything. I don't want to jinx it. I don't want to deal with all the feelings. I don't want to check everytime I wipe and fear to go for a wee incase there is blood

Another issue is I always have to have earlier scans due to a risk of another ectopic.

I really don't want to believe I am pregnant. The feeling of getting a positive and not being filled with excitement but fear instead is awful

We really want to bring a child into our relationship and I can't bare to think it can all be taken away again.

I had to deal with infertility for 7 years and I had 4 rounds of Ivf. I also had two miscarriages and you would think I would be so happy when I had a positive pregnancy test but I felt pure and utter terror. It is completely understandable that you feel how you feel and please be kind to yourself. For me in the early days it was one step at the time. I tried to prevent jinxing everything by being completely pessimistic. It wasn't a good thing but it was the only way to get through it. And the toilet thing is also completely relatable. In the end I tried to only wear black underwear and not check the tissue or toilet bowl because in early pregnancy you can bleed and be fine or not and be not fine. But I have to admit that there was a point my partner had to come with me because I was too terrified. I spoke to a counsellor which helped a bit. He said distract yourself and try to find and focus on little moments of joy. What helped me most was him saying that what I was experiencing was understandable and I shouldn't feel bad about the distress I was in. He and my partner kept telling me I was getting through it and doing better than I thought. That kept me going. Take care and hang in there! X

@Matilda128 thank you so much for your response and sharing your story with me. I'm sorry for the journey and mcs you have had

Your response has made me feel better in the fact I am not alone and have every right to feel how I do.

I will take it one day at a time and try and keep myself as busy as I can x

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time with this!
I just wanted to say, although if never suffered the devastating lose of a pregnancy, don't beat yourself up about your anxieties, I was beyond lucky to have 2 perfectly healthy pregnancies and had no reason to be worried, yet until I felt my baby move I was a wreck! Like you, constantly checking for bleeds, convinced that I might lose it, all that. I think it's a natural thing to worry in early pregnancy and with your history, you are more than in your right to worry! Please be kind to yourself and try and find joy in it where you can 🥰 good luck!

Hugs to you, OP.

I can relate, I'm currently 30 weeks after two back to back losses and felt exactly how you felt. My exact reaction to my positive test was "sh*t" and I checked the loo roll daily and was constantly on the lookout for symptoms changing unfavourably. Truth be told I didn't really allow myself to emotionally connect until after the anatomy scan.

I would echo what the PP have said, all you can do is take it one day at a time. If that is too much, then one hour at a time. It helped me a little to get the test over with and then just to know I was doing everything right (re vitamins/diet/reduced caffeine). Our losses weren't our fault but sometimes we need a bit of convincing anyway.

Hey @ttconajourney I feel you! I’ve had 4 losses in a row and currently pregnant again (early days). Each one is a new journey and this is something I remind myself daily.
Ways to cope… well I don’t think I am coping great to be honest, but going for a walk everyday helps. As someone said above, focusing on the good things you have in life also. My inbox is always open for a chat

Take a test and let us know the outcome x

@Mommabear20

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time with this! I just wanted to say, although if never suffered the devastating lose of a pregnancy, don't beat yourself up about your anxieties, I was beyond lucky to have 2 perfectly healthy pregnancies and had no reason to be worried, yet until I felt my baby move I was a wreck! Like you, constantly checking for bleeds, convinced that I might lose it, all that. I think it's a natural thing to worry in early pregnancy and with your history, you are more than in your right to worry! Please be kind to yourself and try and find joy in it where you can 🥰 good luck!

Thank you. Congrats on your two healthy babies it is such a worrying and anxious time isn't it and I guess that is because it really is out of our control. All we can do is hope for the best 🤞🏼

@Yogity

Hugs to you, OP.

I can relate, I'm currently 30 weeks after two back to back losses and felt exactly how you felt. My exact reaction to my positive test was "sh*t" and I checked the loo roll daily and was constantly on the lookout for symptoms changing unfavourably. Truth be told I didn't really allow myself to emotionally connect until after the anatomy scan.

I would echo what the PP have said, all you can do is take it one day at a time. If that is too much, then one hour at a time. It helped me a little to get the test over with and then just to know I was doing everything right (re vitamins/diet/reduced caffeine). Our losses weren't our fault but sometimes we need a bit of convincing anyway.

I'm sorry to hear of your losses but happy to hear you are currently 30 weeks with your rainbow. How lovely 😊 congratulations!

Yeah exactly. It's sooo nerve wrecking and tbh I don't think I personally will be able to believe this is real or have any faith until at least the 12 week scan hopefully this time it's a sticky one and my body is in over protective mode and holds on!!

Thank you for your kind message. It really helps

Hi @MrsS89K Im sorry for your losses and thank you for sharing your journey. I pray you have a happy healthy 9 months!

But yes you are right. I need to take my mind off of it. I'm at work mom-fri so hoping I won't focus on it as much. I will book my weekends up too! I might wait a little longer to take a test so it's one less week of being further along and I can convince myself I am not pregnant for the rest of this week (I know it sounds stupid)

I usually have a scan around 6/7 weeks and it's awful because my last scan I started miscarrying the day we saw the bean and a heartbeat. It's now put me off ever having them again.

I'm currently early pregnant after 4 consecutive losses and can totally relate to your terror. I can't really offer any advice - it truly is the most terrifying time - other than simply to take it one day at a time. Try not to look further ahead than today, and try (ha,ha, I know, I know) and relax a little. What will be will be, and nothing you do or don't do now will affect the outcome. Wishing all the best for you @ttconajourney, my fingers are tightly crossed for you x

Hi @treesall looks like we are in the same boat, best wishes to you x

@ttconajourney thanks for your kind words xx I saw a heartbeat on my first miscarriage also, but it passed away just before my 9 week scan, so I know that feeling :(
Try and Keep positive though xxx

Thanks @MrsS89K - everything crossed for a successful pregnancy for you this time. It's all so exhausting isn't it? Have you had any testing done? I am on treatment this time abs desperately hoping this is going to be the one x

Hey @treesall I am on progesterone and aspirin and being seen fortnightly by epu. Next scan is next week so this week is a super anxious one!
What treatment are you on?

Ahh that's good they are keeping a close eye on you @MrsS89K. Let's hope the drugs make all the difference.

I am on hydroxychloroquine, aspirin, intralipids and progesterone. Hoping that does the trick. So far so good but I don't think I will ever be able to relax in pregnancy again.

@treesall I’ve not heard of two of those, I really hope they do the job for you 🤞🏼 How many weeks are you? I’m 8 weeks tomorrow x

I went to see a private consultant (seems to be well known on here) because my nhs referral was taking ages. It seems to be his standard prescription. I'm 12 weeks tomorrow. 8 weeks is good! My consultant said you can start relaxing a little bit after 9 weeks so not long til that hurdle for you.

Sorry @ttconajourney we have hijacked your thread a bit! Hopefully it's useful to hear of others going through the same journey though... x

@ttconajourney I’m so sorry for your losses and for the worry and stress you are feeling. I had a mmc at 11 weeks in June and have just found out I’m pregnant again, so can relate to the anxiety you are feeling. I’m worrying that my clear blue test is only showing 1-2 weeks, as with my first pregnancy it was showing 2-3 weeks when I first tested at the same time as this one (I know this is silly as I was only 1-2 weeks when I tested). I’m so tempted to keep testing but also terrified. I haven’t contacted the midwife yet either as just feel it’s so early, probably also silly!
I’m so sorry to everyone else that has suffered losses, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go through that several times it’s heartbreaking 😢 You are all so strong, lots of love and luck to everyone for their pregnancies hope these are sticky ones for us all 💗

@treesall

I went to see a private consultant (seems to be well known on here) because my nhs referral was taking ages. It seems to be his standard prescription. I'm 12 weeks tomorrow. 8 weeks is good! My consultant said you can start relaxing a little bit after 9 weeks so not long til that hurdle for you.

Sorry @ttconajourney we have hijacked your thread a bit! Hopefully it's useful to hear of others going through the same journey though... x

Congratulations! Is your 12 week scan soon? I don't mind you hijacking it!! It's nice to hear positive stories after losses x

[quote Cherryblossom21]@ttconajourney I’m so sorry for your losses and for the worry and stress you are feeling. I had a mmc at 11 weeks in June and have just found out I’m pregnant again, so can relate to the anxiety you are feeling. I’m worrying that my clear blue test is only showing 1-2 weeks, as with my first pregnancy it was showing 2-3 weeks when I first tested at the same time as this one (I know this is silly as I was only 1-2 weeks when I tested). I’m so tempted to keep testing but also terrified. I haven’t contacted the midwife yet either as just feel it’s so early, probably also silly!
I’m so sorry to everyone else that has suffered losses, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go through that several times it’s heartbreaking 😢 You are all so strong, lots of love and luck to everyone for their pregnancies hope these are sticky ones for us all 💗[/quote]
Sorry for your loss congrats on your BFP! It's a very anxious time isn't it.

My advice would be to put down the tests. You're a pregnant and you will just cause more worry for yourself testing! Plus HCG on those tests is such a wide range!!

I've told myself I will test once and that will be it. I drove myself crazy testing everyday in my last pregnancy for it to just be bad news so I've told myself I will not do it this time!!

I still have to test yet 😂 can't bring myself to do it.

@treesall that’s amazing you are now 12 weeks!

Yes sorry for gatecrashing the post @ttconajourney 😂

Hello dear OP,

I am truly sorry for what you've been through. I believe all your anxieties and fears are more than normal and are expected. Your journey has been rough, so now you don't know how to feel and how to deal with it. I would wait a bit more and then test to be honest. Not that you'll feel ready in a bit, but I would wait. I wish you all the best of luck darling!

Thank you all for your lovely messages they really do mean a lot.

Sorry to hear those who have struggled with infertility and had losses. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Congrats to those currently pregnant!! I hope you have a smooth 9 months.

I am taking one day at a time. That is really good advice and I have been following it this whole time I'm also blanking out the fact I'm pregnant (expect the obvious no drinking smoking etc). Probably not the most joyful way but it is really helping me cope.