Unexpected 3rd pregnancy at 41

[Doublebubbletrouble1]

I’m in shock/ have just found out I’m expecting a 3rd baby. I’m 41 and my husband is 6 years older. My other two will be 4 and 2 when this one is due.
In my heart I always wanted more, but because I found my husband so late in life I figured it wasn’t to be and I became totally comfortable with 2. My husband has 2 other kids from previous relationship (16 and 9).
I knew my husband wouldnt be jumping for joy at first but his reaction has really saddened me. He doesn’t want another baby. I thought he might come round but he doesn’t seem to be. I can see all of the reasons he mentions- financially, space, car, work, retirement, age etc. I’ve also had health problems and there is a tiny chance pregnancy could make this worse. But I just keep thinking we’ll find a way- the kids can share a room it won’t kill them. We can work towards getting a bigger place once I go back to work/ main thing is from me the baby will be loved. He hasn’t said the abortion word but I know he’s thinking it. I just don’t think I can go through with that. But also I really don’t want to make my husband have a child when he really doesn’t want one. How can I do that to him? How the heck do I resolve this? Has anyone been in a similar situation and everything worked out ok? Is jump from 2-3 little ones as hard as it sounds?

I am so sorry this sounds hard with you both seeming in different places on how you feel; I think it must be very normal for the shock to cause Initial panic and your husband may need time to see if these feelings settle or how they develop as things sink in . I think all you can do is try and give each other support, kindness and space to discuss what you each feel and when you are both ready to, as it’s a lot to take in especially when unexpected. It must be so hard when you’d otherwise feel so happy and I really hope things go well somehow

Hi Doublebubble. I had two children aged 18 months and 2 and a half (17 months between them) when I found out I was pregnant with a completely unexpected third......I was 45!

I was completely distraught, I think my DP was in shock. With two children already who were still so young and I had been made redundant, we decided we wouldn’t be able to cope and made an appointment to end the pregnancy. When we got to the clinic we couldn’t go through with it. I tried and tried to convince myself it would be for the best but I couldn’t do it. We made a further two appointments but each time I couldn’t do it.

At this point my DP told me to stop making appointments, it wasn’t going to happen and we accepted we would be having a third baby.

That was two and a half years ago and we now have three wonderful children. Hardly a day goes by when I don’t look at my son and struggle to believe I almost didn’t have him. He’s a beautiful little boy.

The first year with a newborn, a two year old and a three year old was unbelievably hard. But time doesn’t stand still, I now have a two year old, four year old and five year old and they all play together and love each other to bits.

I could have typed your post about 7 months ago (though replace surprise number 3 with surprise number 5!)
I too made appointments at clinics for an abortion but I couldn’t do it. My partner was supportive despite him really (and I do mean REALLY) opposed to having a baby. It hasn’t been the easiest pregnancy emotionally. I watch him trying so hard to accept it and to be happy and excited. He isn’t though, not really and for that I feel tremendous guilt. Saying that, I know we are going to make it work. I know once she’s here it will be different and I know we will both love her desperately. For us it was never going to be easy and someone was going to have to make a huge sacrifice. I know every story is different and I don’t regret not having an abortion, most of the time. I also know that when she’s here we will both feel differently. Sorry, not sure that helps but it’s just my experience x

If I were you OP I’d have the baby

But it’s a difficult situation and I do empathise

Thankyou so much for your replies. Just talking on here about it is helping- at the moment my husband's working so much we don't get chance to properly chat and every time we do I just end up feeling more sad because I know how much he really doesn't want this baby. I love him to bits and don't want to make him unhappy, but equally I can't see how I could go through with an abortion. I don't think anyway. To me I feel like yes this is a shock, but this baby is part of us and whatever happens we can get through it. I know it will be hard, but weve already faced some major life obstacles thrown our way in our relationship and I know we're strong enough- but I worry he'll resent me or the baby if he doesn't come around and it could ruin our wonderful family. It's really encouraging to know it can happen at 45 and work out- that lifted me so much.