Past 12week scan but terrified of mc

[toadstool32]

I'm 13+2, scans have all been good. As well as the nuchal I've paid for several because I had a mmc last year and I'm terrified. I had no mc symptoms at all and the moment the news was given will haunt me. I was 8 weeks but heartbeat had stopped before. This is the part that scares me so much - no symptoms and still miscarried.

I've tried all those miscarriage reassurance calculators but even though I've crossed the line into second trimester I can't allow myself to be excited. I've told nobody except my husband.

I've got my 16 week check in a few weeks but so frightened of going and there being problems.

When does it get easier? Or does it not?

I had a mmc in November at 8 weeks. I know exactly what are you going through and I wish I could say it will get easier but not really. I'm 21 weeks now and still terrified...BUT! Growing bump and especially feeling the kicks every day helps me to stress a little bit less. I also started to buy things early. I know it doesn't make since as I am scared but thinking about baby stuff really helps me to get excited and keep reminding me that I need to trust my body!

@toadstool32 I've had two miscarriages in a row & no previous children. I'm currently 17 weeks and every single day is a day of fear for me. Walking to the toilet is like walking to a dungeon with scares of even a drop of blood.

I appreciate every single day that now goes by without any bleeding or memories of a miscarriage. So I guess you live with the anxiety because a miscarriage takes away any excitement or happiness but you also learn gratitude overtime 💕

It doesn’t get better I’m afraid! I was bracing myself for DS to die until he was about ten weeks old (he was premature which really didn’t help).

I still hold his hand tight when we cross the road and he is nearly five. Miscarriages make you so aware of how fragile life is, and how easily it can be snuffed out. I’m not sure that ever fully leaves you - you have looked behind the curtain and can’t un-see it.

Have you thought about buying a doppler? That may help your anxiety.

Thanks all. Miscarriage taints everything.

That would only add to my anxiety @Emerald4512 if I can't find the heartbeat.

@toadstool32 I’m sorry for ur losses. I’m struggling to. I’ve had 6mc and numerous Ivf cycles. I’m 17 weeks and terrified. I can’t feel kicks yet so I have no reassurance. My terrible sickness has eased up too so I’m worried that’s a bad sign. In the first timester I had lots of scans and I had one 10 days ago but about 24 hours after a scan I worry again! I end up waking up in the night worrying about any niggle
I don’t have any words of advice just have to ride it out and hope the kicks start soon and we feel reassured. But really until baby comes will be a worry and then obviously we will have a whole new worry! My midwife appt is this week so hoping she will use a doppler. I decided not to buy one as I knew i would freak myself out if I didn’t find it.
Being pregnant after mc is very hard . Hope all is well x

@Emerald4512

Have you thought about buying a doppler? That may help your anxiety.

Do not do this. Unless you are professionally trained to use them. They provide false reassurance and can lead to disastrous consequences. Any problems should be see by a professional. I'm hoping I'll feel more confident when I can feel kicks. 🤞🏻

It doesn't get much easier I'm afraid until you start feeling kicks, and for the record I didn't start feeling anything until 25 weeks because of an anterior placenta. Even then it worries the hell out of you when you think you haven't felt a kick for a while. Welcome to motherhood...

Thanks @grapestar this is my third!

Hi @toadstool32 firstly I’m so sorry for your miscarriage, I’ve had 4 miscarriages, 3 of which were MMC’s.
I’m currently 29 weeks and I’m still as anxious as I was when I first saw the bfp. We had scans privately every week up until 20 weeks and to be honest the only reason we stopped was because we just couldn’t afford them anymore (we’d spent a ridiculous amount) and they only gave me reassurance that everything was okay up until the scan finished. Even now I don’t like talking about the pregnancy in future tense and when people ask how the baby is I say “as far as I know she’s okay” I’m scared to say anything incase I jinx it- which I know is absolutely ridiculous. You’ve just got to do whatever you can to make yourself get through it. Pregnancy after loss is so bloody hard sending you lots of love xxx