Lonely and fed up

[Babiii]

Hi! I'm having a baby March 2022 and I'm so happy and excited to have baby.

However, I am so fucking lonely.

Now I know everyone has there own life, I don't need a text every day or a call I'm so low maintenance i understand people are busy and work jobs and nobody is entitled to anyone's time, but ive had literally nothing from nobody.

This is my first baby and I'm the first out of my group of friends to have a baby and nobody bothers, nobody texts, nobody calls I've noticed i still text everyone at least once a week asking if they are okay or trying to FaceTime every now and again and just see when I could have a little catch up but nobody's bothered really, everyone's really blunt and theres no 'how are you?' I'm just feeling a little deflated.

Never get a text first nobody sees me or invites me anywhere. But they are all out together going for food and celebrating birthdays. It would just be nice to be thought of and invited somewhere.

I had one friend arrange to see me, then say she was too busy and to rearrange however saw on another friends social media the friend that cancelled and my other friend decided to spend time together instead.

I live alone, my partner sees me 1 maybe 2 nights a week - but he's tired from working so I can't expect him to do anything with me He just sits on the other sofa and we put something on Netflix but I can't complain he works hard. He's been seeing his friends on a weekend and getting drunk, he was going to see me today but the sun is out and his friend texted him, so he asked if I want to do something tomorrow instead- only he won't be seeing me tomorrow he will be hungover, he was just confirming he's not seeing me.

I just didn't expect to feel like this I think I just needed a bit of a rant and just need a handhold.

I'm really really down in the dumps the only person i have to talk to is my mum, I feel like I'm pestering her she works full time and raising a family of her own but she is amazing. But she's still my mum - I don't have any friends left.

I feel like I'm being so selfish and self centred but I just feel like I've been left all alone, I have human interaction once a week. Because of covid i work from home, however I have HG, so I'm on reduced hours and I still don't have any form of communication at work.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal??

Is it normal to feel like this?

How do I make friends

A good way to make friends is to join NCT and book yourself an NCT pre natal course. Usually the group you're in is quite sociable and it will inevitably be first time mums too. Make sure you jump in with invitations to them to come over for coffee, and arrange get togethers when the babies arrive.

Or could you manage a pre natal yoga class with the HG?

Your local NCT also probably organises bumps and babies mornings, if the HG lets up you could join in these.

I didn’t want to read and run - I hope you’re ok. I felt like this in the depths of HG. I couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything other than try to sleep. I also noticed that people didn’t try to contact me when I was ill and it exacerbated the sadness and loneliness that I was feeling. Are you on any medication for it? I found some of the medication was terrible for my mental health and felt an improvement when I came off it. I feel a bit like I’ve become a hermit having gone straight from lockdown to HG.

I think if you only see your partner once or twice a week and you’re ill with a pregnancy that you got into together, he can pull his finger out.

Are you well enough to get out to antenatal activities, like yoga? Although I’ve not made friends, my pregnancy yoga class is a nice enough group. I go swimming 5 times a week and usually manage to find someone to have a chat to.

Hope you start to feel better soon

Hey @Babiii I’m also due March! Where are you based?

I’m sorry you feel that way! I was actually thinking the same about my friends this morning actually. However they all have kids so understandably they’re busy.. I just thought they’d be more excited for me being pregnant, checking in etc as I’m one of the last without kids.

I understand the world doesn’t revolve around me just because I’m pregnant but when it’s your first and you haven’t told many people yet it gets very lonely

Feeling the exact same here

I think your partner needs to step-up more, he sounds a bit of a waste of space.

Yeah, why don't you live with your partner? What is the plan for when the baby arrives? I feel like the lack of support from him might be magnifying the way you feel about your friends. How is it okay for him to continue living his carefree existence while your life is changing so much?

@PennyWus I've just googled this had no idea it was even a thing that's a great suggestion! I am starting to feel better now in comparison to how I was before with HG, last month I was strictly in bed head in a bowl and now it's more manageable- still sick 9ish times a day however i do feel like I'm having more good days recently !
Im gonna give our branch coordinator a call I think and see what things they have going on.

@Ednadidit that's how I'm feeling ! Feel like I'm in hibernation 😂 I'm on medication and it is working and it also makes me really drowsy, sounds bad but it helps me sleep past the time whilst I'm just on my own.
He has been coming round and helping out when he's here, been great doing my weekly shop for me on the day he comes round but it's just wanting that affection . My mind goes ten to the dozen too when he's out on weekends in sat at home struggling to even shower and brush my teeth and he's out with his friends and girls that are his friends (not an issue at all) but they all look so beautiful, dressed up makeup looking beautiful and lovely hair and I just feel and look like shite. It's not his fault it's just over thinking sat in watching everyone's social media whilst I'm hormonal and down in the dumps.
I'm going to see if there's any pregnancy yoga classes near me, that's something I'd be really interested in. Gets me out of the house and can imagine it's great for mental health.

@HRP1990 exciting times!! I'm based in West Yorkshire ! Congratulations ❤️
Yeah I know how your feeling, I just thought there would be a little check in every now and again, would be nice to have somebody to get excited and share little updates with.

@boredandmorebored , your not the only one ❤️

Does anyone know if there's a way to direct message people on here?xx

@CanofCant basically we're living in different places because we both signed tenancy agreements for a year in different properties before finding out I was pregnant, the tenancy for his property will be finished and he will be living with me before baby is here.
That's exactly how I've been feeling but then Im sat by myself all day, conceived im overreacting or overthinking or being hormonal and sensitive, im also trying to think I understand we're having a baby together but he's not pregnant so he will do what he wants. I've told him how lonely I feel and he tells me that he's there but we don't really phone call or anything it's just a text about his day or how works been - I feel like a child typing this out it feels so needy and immature but there's nothing of any substance.

I guess before I was pregnant we would see each other through the week, and then on weekends we would enjoy time together going for a drive out somewhere, going for food, going out for drinks just like normal people but now the alcohol has been taken away hes not bothered to see me on weekends anymore I'm a little worried thinking of it that way

You aren't being needy or childish at all. I hope it works out for you but I think your fears are very valid. Look after yourself, don't keep undermining your worries and feelings, you are having to deal with a lot. I'm glad you have your mum for support.

@Babiii Hey lovely. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely, and reading your post, I’m not surprised! 😔 You’ve been left home alone, hormonal and unsupported by your OH. I’d have kicked his arse by now. He needs to be there for you, not out with his mates and being quite frankly, a selfish dick! Sorry if that sounds harsh, I’m very hormonal today 🙈

I’m also due March 2022 and have HG and been bedridden pretty much for a month. My OH has been amazing. Cooked, done the shopping and looked after me when I’ve been too unwell to get out of bed. (And in my mind, so he bloody should. I’m carrying his child and feeling like shit! 🤷🏻‍♀️) We live together so I know it’s different, but surely he could move in to help? Even if it’s temporary.

Regarding the loneliness. God I can relate. I’ve cried more in the past few weeks than I have in years. Once HG does one and you can start telling people you won’t feel so isolated. ❤️

I’m here if you want to chat or vent but honestly you are not being needy at all and are completely justified in your feelings!

Not being blunt but gonna just come out with it.

Your not being hormonal. Your friends and boyfriend are dicks.

Thank you all for your kind words it means so much!

I texted him and told him how I felt and he said everything I say is complete and utter bullshit and has blocked me until whenever i suppose

@Babiii would you be able to go it alone? He sounds like a selfish, immature arsehole.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong or unusual about how you’re feeling 💖

@Babiii Jesus. He sounds a delight! Has be always been this unreliable? Have you been together long?

I would maybe prepare myself to do this alone as @Ednadidit said. He needs to grow up and unfortunately they can’t be forced into it. Big hugs 🤗