Covid, newborn, restricted visits

[overtherainbo]

I’ve had so much anxiety around the newborn visiting hype especially during these times.

I’ve had a demanding MIL telling us she will be there with my partners siblings once baby is born. This is baby no.3 for me and I’ve never felt like my choices have been questioned before, my partner actually said with covid he wouldn’t want family around and he hasn’t even seen his older brother for 3 years and isn’t close to his older sister

(I’ve never met either of them) but she will be bringing them too.

I know people are excited but I haven’t met these people, I’ve been with my partner 5 years. Then to top it off a newborns weak immune system and the current state of the world I think we should be safer and more sensible.

What do you think? Will you have rules in place for your visits?

I’m going through the same just now. Little one is 2 weeks old and I said before he was born that the in laws, our two sisters and my parents could hold him but I wasn’t comfortable with everyone else holding him. Since he’s been born I’ve felt like I didn’t really get a say in the visiting situation. I had a section and the in laws pushed their way in 2 days later, plonked themselves down on our sofa for 3 hours, didn’t offer to do anything to help and literally passed the baby back and forwards up and down the line of them. The same thing happened again at their next visit a few days later. I’ve put my foot down now and said to my partner no one holds him unless he’s awake and we’re not just handing him over to pass him back and forwards for hours. He didn’t sleep for hours after both of their visits 🤦🏼‍♀️ We’ve got the rest of our family coming this weekend but I’ve arranged it for a day when it’s sunny so we can sit outside. I’m really not comfortable with them holding him and I really hope they don’t ask. A lot of them have quite high risk jobs for Covid too. I’ve found some people have been so overly cautious when they’ve met us even out a walk. People have put a mask on to even look in the pram without me saying anything yet other people seem to think covid is over and look at you as if you’re being paranoid if you say anything about it 🙄 I think I’d rather just be cautious and do what I’m comfortable with, I’ve spent way too long stressing over it and its wasting what should be a nice time just now

@sarah13xx I’ve been thinking of having a period of time for us to all adjust as a family (myself, partner, kids and baby) then allowing grandparents only. Clean hands, strictly no kisses and that’s if we allow them to hold baby before baby’s first vaccination but I didn’t know if this was extreme. It would certainly make us a lot more comfortable knowing we are protecting our new baby. But our parents are furious about it, they expect to be at the hospital or have kindly gave us the option to coming day 1 of leaving the hospital. I feel like we haven't got a day at all either, as though they are undermining our choices and baby isn't even here yet!

The in-laws always seem to be more persistent.

This is no 4 for me and every time I say I’m having a week with no visitors and never do!

I’m due in November and we’re doing 1 or 2 weeks just us. After that probably just parents for a few Weeks and no children until the first vaccinations.

People probably think I’m being ott but I’m putting my babies health this time. I also have a toddler with no immune system thanks to lockdowns.

It’s not so much covid I’m worried about as I’ve have both jabs. More flu, norovirus and rsv.

Your baby, your rules. I’m not being bullied into visits this time x

@Bennetgirl I'm the same, with my first two my family interfered so much. I was 19/20 then 22 with my first two and they used to treat me like a child. Removing them from my arms, coming over unannounced, telling me when they will be having them for the day/night.

With this being my third and being much older I thought I would have my say without being challenged. My exH who I had the kids with didn't have family so it was always my own. But now I have my own and my partners all trying to have their say. I can confidently tell my family to back off now, I am questioned and laughed at but it doesn't bother me. Having in-laws is something very new to me so it's finding a polite way to say back off but firm enough to be taken seriously.

I definitely want a period of time without visitors coming along with the rules around covid. I don't really want to meet new people straight after birth so that's another situation to be dealt with entirely

You’re the same as me! My older two have a different dad and exdps family lived away. They were no bother!!

Current dps family like to be involved and to be fair wait to be asked. My mum is the one who invites herself round and just picks up a baby. With dd1 she just turned up and I was asleep. I came downstairs and she had dd!

This time with the health risks I’m doing it my way. Plus I want time to recover. I’m nearly 40 now and I know it will be harder this time!

@Bennetgirl sometimes it's your own family that's the worst isn't it. They think because you are their child your child is also theirs. It's really irritating. I didn't feel like a parent whenever my family was around. I felt like a spare part.

Partners mother is making the rules now. Along with my own. And then with covid it's so tricky to say back off😵‍💫

I’m due in November and am currently telling my husband that I don’t want anyone picking the baby up or kissing her. He seems very laid back about it all 🙄 it frustrates me when I know it will be his side of the family that don’t listen. Although he’s already said he won’t have anyone visiting the baby who isn’t vaccinated. If anyone tried to argue with us about visiting the baby, not being able to hold/kids her my midwife told me to say that she’s advised against it because of covid. They can’t really argue with that then.

@Soph30 I will have a word with my midwife about it, hopefully she backs me too hahah. It will be nice having someone medical behind me backing it.

I bet it's really hard having a partner who is relaxed about the rules. It must make your worry with it so much worse!

Health visitor did my appointment over the phone yesterday and told me to just tell people no, or if I am comfortable tell them they can come but wear a mask and wash hands. If they don’t like that, they don’t come.

She said to tell them that’s what I’d been advised (even though she wasn’t advising it was necessary but putting me at ease that I’m not being OTT)

It’s a very personal decision but I know I’ll be asking for a negative lateral flow, mask and hands washed before anyone comes near my baby and they can jog on if they think that’s OTT. I’m nervy about germs anyway even pre covid, so covid gives me the perfect excuse to be how I would have wanted to be beforehand

I’ve never just assumed I can visit someone with a newborn or just pick them up- it’s a very overwhelming time for new parents and I wish more people respected that :/

@Bellyrumble it's nice having the support from someone in the medical field. To be honest if the health visitor isn't even coming to the home to provide the care and doing it from a distance then people should understand that it's not exactly over yet

It is going to be hard having a winter baby this year. I can’t see us going back into lockdown despite what the cases and deaths are.

Masks for visits is a good idea as are lateral flow flow tests.

@overtherainbo if anyone is funny with you just say “the midwife/health visitor advised xxxxxxx” . Chances are your in laws weren’t at the appointment with you and therefore can’t argue! :D

I actually cancelled my face to face health visitor appointment for yesterday and requested it on the phone, which they agreed to as they realised I was quite anxious re covid. One of my friends thought I was being OTT in doing that….. The fact the health visitor agreed to telephone suggested to me that I wasn’t being OTT ha.

@Bennetgirl agree it will be tough over winter :( I’m hoping baby pops out soon so he/she has some time to build up some kind of immune system just incase, but lat flow tests and masks will be my saving grace in the meantime, not foolproof but a small compromise for anyone who wants to see us

It's not just covid you've got to worry about, RSV is putting thousands of babies in hospital this summer. Very sensible not to have visitors indoors or have people holding/'kissing your little one for at least the first few weeks. Their immune system needs to be given a chance before they are exposed!

I would do anything to be allowed to see family after my second baby is born. With my first we were in hospital for ten days and even my husband wasn’t allowed to visit. Then in full lockdown when we did finally get home so no visitors whatsoever. My in-laws didn’t meet their granddaughter until she was 3 months old and my grandparents didn’t hold my daughter until she was over one year old and they’d been double vaccinated. I’m just hoping things can be different this time 🤞🏻